Good Gig, Bad Gig.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

Well, last night's booking......what can I say!!?

I don't think I have ever met someone so absolutely selfish and pathetic in all my life!
The booking was a wedding at my hotel residency. The couple booked me last year as they attended a birthday party I had done at the hotel. A very nice couple actually and it transpired that the bride used to work with my Mum a few years ago.
At our recent meeting to go over everything it also transpired that she is the step sister of a family friend of ours who we have known for 35+ years so I knew there would be some familiar faces there too.

One thing the groom (in particular) said to me when I asked if there was anything they didn't particularly want to hear music wise on their big day was "Please, no matter how many times you asked, do NOT play Hey Jude by The Beatles". Not a problem for me at all and I assured them both that I would not play the song. He revealed that the brides sister always hassled the DJ at every party and event they went to because her name was Jude and it "always had to be about her" so he said that just for once, on his special day, he didn't want to hear it. Again, not a problem for me at all. The bride did mention that her sister was very "forthcoming" and also very "insistent" and "persistent"..... Right, ok.

So, as with every booking I take, after the meeting I transfer all of the details to a separate DJ sheet. This is so that I or anyone covering a booking for me knows exactly what is required of them...timings, announcements, specific requests and what to stay away from. It is also a kind of back up for me so if anyone does come over and ask for anything that is on the do NOT play list I can show them and 99.9999% of the time it works. They say "Oh, ok no problem" or "Fair enough" and that's it but last night....... Oh dear! Last night was one to put in the "How to instantly someone off" category.

When I was setting up in the morning the bride and groom actually turned up to drop some sweets off and I chatted with them and showed them the uplighting colour so that I could make sure they were happy. The groom said to me that "she" had already been on "his case" telling him that she was looking forward to a bit of Hey Jude and he'd told her "The DJ has been told not to play it" - She obviously thought he was joking!!! When I arrived at the venue at 7.15pm for a 7.30pm start I started off with some nice chilled out reggae and acoustic stuff (they love the reggae). The room started to fill up and just before 8.00pm I was approached by a pretty looking girl.
"Are you taking requests?" she asked. Before I even had a chance to answer she said "Play Hey Jude for me".

"Uh Oh!" I thought. "You must be Jude then" I asked and she nodded. I picked up the DJ sheet and showed her where it said do NOT play 'Hey Jude'. I apologised to her and told her that I was sorry but the couple didn't want to hear it. She stood there open mouthed as if I had told her that her cat had been run over (if she had a cat? I don't know?). She was steaming. You could see it. She wasn't happy at all. "Excuse me!!??" she shouted.... I told her again that the bride and groom didn't want to hear it on their special day. " them!!" she said... "Just play it!"... I told her No, I wasn't playing it because I didn't want to upset them...."It's only a song" she said.... "Exactly!" I replied...."Sorry, but I am just doing what I am told". She looked at me in disgust as if I was the one that had run over her cat (if she had a cat?).

She stormed off back to her table and I could see her shouting and pointing in my direction. Everyone on the table was looking in my direction and as the song playing started to fade out I am sure that when I read her lips she'd called both me and the groom a "pair of ". I wasn't impressed with that at all.
IT IS JUST BLOODY MUSIC!!!!!!
Just as I could understand that the bride and groom didn't want to hear it on their big day. I could also understand why she was a bit gutted.....well, that's an understatement big time! Most couples are so adamant and usually say something like "Don't go out of your way to play such and such but if someone requests it then we don't mind" - This wasn't like that. There was absolutely no way on earth that they were backing down. It was their day and they were insistent on it not being played. I say 'they'...but it was the groom mainly. He actually told me to play her another Beatles track but I ignored that and stayed away from it because I just thought it would make things worse. I was amazed to see her screaming and shouting at the bride and then getting her stuff together and leaving the room.

The groom came over and asked if I was ok. He didn't have a clue what had gone on and I kept him up to date and explained that I was sure I had been (we both had been) called the 'C' word. All of this hassle over just one song because someone couldn't get their own way..... I thought it was pathetic.

Anyway, the actual night itself (once that was all out of the way) was pretty good with lots of dancing and a real mix of 70's Disco, Motown, R&B and a few Ska and Rock tracks. There was a scattering of current chart but not much.
The Jude girl appeared on the dance floor during the evening and when I saw her heading my way I gulped, breathed in and prepared myself for another battering.
She'd had a few drinks now and was once more insistent and kept asking me to play the song. I was starting to get annoyed but kept my cool. I told her that at the end of the day, I was just doing what I was told. I didn't know what the problem was and I didn't want to know but it was their special day and I wanted to keep them happy.
She said she didn't have a problem with me and understood. Then she asked for the microphone so she could sing it and I said "Sorry, no". Then a guy came over who I assumed was her husband and shouted at me to "Just play the song!". I told him exactly the same thing and they kept on and on and on and then that was it.

They were both hassling me and shouting at me so I just said "Look, stop! There is no way I am playing the song. I've said that a 100 times tonight. It is not my problem at all. I am just doing what I have been asked to do". They walked off and that was the last hassle I had from them. The groom came over, asked if everything was ok and I told him that there were no problems at all but inside I just wanted to scream out loud. The family friends were sent over a bit later to try and influence me and that didn't work either.

The disappointing part came after the last song (Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World).... The bride and groom couldn't thank me enough as they'd had a "lovely time" but the bride felt the need to apologise for her step sister. I told her there was no need to apologise and she started getting very upset. I told her that I was sticking to what they had told me and that I hoped it hadn't spoilt her evening and she told me that unfortunately, it had. I was gutted for her.
I've never really been in that situation before where someone is that selfish and insistent that just one song not being played can spoil their night which in turn ends up spoiling someone elses..I thought it was disgusting.

Like I said though, apart from that.....it was a good night.

[Nakatomi]

Ouch. I had a fairly restrictive playlist sent my way for last night but I managed to work with it ok.

First up, a repeat performance of last week's function band who I really, honestly take my hat off to for being THE single most professional outfit I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. All lovely people & there was absolutely no friction at all, not even when they took their gear down at 11pm & left. There's not much space at the venue as it is for gear but we all made the best use of it we could (makes a great change from 5 egos walking in telling the DJ they can just put their gear wherever: "ALL THIS is OURS. You, Mr DJ, are insignificant. WE are the entertainment!".. who then later prove to be completely undeserving of their lofty opinion of themselves.. but hey). Nope. Very nice band indeed.

So. I'd had email back & forth from the bride & groom, firstly outlining the timetable & musical preferences. Nothing too out of the ordinary but they'd specified music for the buffet section of the night (Very unusual, I thought). Very funky stuff from the late 1970s/early 1980s... The following were banned:

• Bryan Adams.
  Robbie Williams
  Take That.
  Anything with dance actions associated with it.
  Adele
  Buble
  Sam Smith
  Rock, etc

Yes. Rock, etc. I asked for clarification on that & never got any.

Their first dance could only be obtained by Youtube. Yes, I know but it literally isn't available anywhere else. It was a cover of Baby D - Let Me Be Your Fantasy medlied into N-Trance's 'Set You Free'.. and was a John Lewis advert style strummy acoustic guitar affair. Except when the guitar playing got enthusiastic there was a blinking awful bassy ringing/bonging noise going on. After checking it out on my good speakers at home I decided it wasn't going out over my PA without some treatment. Wopped it into Ableton & gave it a bass rolloff & took a 110Hz notch out of it. Oooo listen to that - nice & clean!

With the cake cut & first dance over it was the band's first set. Earplugs in they were again too loud to stand next to so I went for a wander, going back occasionally to fiddle with light programs. Passed the groom in the corridor a few times & was completely blanked. Right, fine then.. be like that.

Then the buffet set. Oh dear.. initially the reactions were pretty good but later on I saw that the music really didn't have many fans. 45 minutes of that genre is a bit much for a general crowd IMHO.

Livened things up a bit towards the band's 2nd set & they took over again for another hour. Fair play to them they had good dancefloor numbers all night.

And then to my second stint to finish the night. What did I play 5 songs into my set? Only Apache by The Sugarhill Gang (well, about 90 seconds of it)... then I remembered... ! No tunes with actions associated with them! D'Oh. Bride is dancing along though, heh.

Requests came in for all the usual wedding suspects (Macaroni, Saturday Blight, Cha Cha Slither etc) which were batted away politely. Ah, then some friends of the bride approached me & asked me to play 'Walk This Way'. "Ahh", I said, explaining rock was banned... "... meh. It's rappy as well though, so crosses over a lot... ". Requester told me the groom was already far gone & I'd get away with it. I called her bluff. Then later the same girls came up & asked me to play "don't stop me now". For why? It's the bride's favourite ever song. It was too. Hang on. Queen = rock, but rock = banned yes? :crazy:

End of the night came quickly & before I played the last track (a prepared mix of the original versions of 'Let Me Be Your Fantasy' and 'Set You Free' - it HAD to be prepared cos I can't change keys in my playout & they'd clash awfully otherwise).. I did the time honoured big up the happy couple one final time... OMG what a limp response. I was half tempted to say "oh come on boys & girls you can do better than that!" but nah.

Onwards & upwards.. another wedding tonight then I'm going on a little holiday with my faaaaaaaamleee leaving a lady DJ standing in for me on Monday night. I'm a bit disappointed to be missing that one, cos half of my neighbours are going (the bride & groom live 3 doors down from me).

June is looking to be pretty busy, but I've 12 weddings in July (making a total of 14 gigs). August features no less than 15 weddings. 2 weeks with 4 in a row, and one week with 5 weddings back to back!!

[Excalibur]

I really, honestly take my hat off to for being THE single most professional outfit I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. All lovely people & there was absolutely no friction at all, not even when they took their gear down at 11pm & left. There's not much space at the venue as it is for gear but we all made the best use of it we could (makes a great change from 5 egos walking in telling the DJ they can just put their gear wherever: "ALL THIS is OURS. You, Mr DJ, are insignificant. WE are the entertainment!".. who then later prove to be completely undeserving of their lofty opinion of themselves.. but hey). Nope. Very nice band indeed.

My band last night were nicer. Lovely folks, bought me a drink. Their one aim was to work with me, not against me. Wish they were all like that.

OK, 70th birthday, Golf Club in Sheffield. Note, Sheffield. I'm told I can set up any time from 5pm, as the family will be upstairs watching the footy. True, but half the golf club were also watching downstairs. And where was I supposed to set up? Oh yes, smack in front of the telly. Give me strength.

Plan B is put into place, I go upstairs to watch with the family, and I'll set up when the game ends. Halfway through the second half, Plan C becomes an option, someone has evicted the downstairs guests ( there were also screens in other rooms, so not too big a hardship ) and me and the five piece band can set up.

There's access down the side of the building, and the band have got their Transit Connect backed up to the doors. Calamity!! My full size Transit is too tight a fit for me to risk, and I have The Long Carry. At this point, I must reiterate that I love working with bands of " mature " performers. They know it's wise to keep the DJ onside, don't want any more stress than necessary, and are generally brilliant to deal with.

Anyhow, I get slotted into the allotted space, the band have the rest, and we're all ready a few minutes after the intended start time. I've got a request list of sorts, cobbled together from various emails, and I'm then given a part of a Spotify list as well. Honestly, if I'd been told not to deviate from these, I'd have been in heaven. A wodge of Easy Listening, 60's 70's, Abba, Dire Straits, soft(ish) Rock and for good measure some classic Indie.

All is going well, until I hear the dreaded words that strike terror into my heart. " Can you play some chart music " ? Resisting the temptation to play some that will clear the venue, never mind the floor, I go with some fairly obvious ones, and everyone's happy. The band do two sets to a fairly lukewarm reception, which is exactly what I got from the majority of guests. Close family are delighted though, so no worries at all. Sadly, they're pretty much all that's left at 1am, and yet another function is marked by the steady exodus of guests.

Never mind, Legslappers next week, that one will be packed to the finish, I know the venue and the crowd.

[Nakatomi]

My band last night were nicer. Lovely folks, bought me a drink. Their one aim was to work with me, not against me. Wish they were all like that.

I wish even a third of the ones I've met would even be civil & treat DJs like human beings. Hey ho.

Well, first Sunday wedding of the year so far (there are to be many) and wow what a belter it was. The room wasn't ready for turnaround for flipping ages which meant a super speedy setup. Not that I needed to bother because loads of people were outside enjoying the balmy weather.

Got all rigged & was ready to go by 7.30. Cake cut & first dance were nicely done I thought, but audience participation was low. Dancefloor didn't see great numbers til after the buffet but oh boy, when it took off, how did it take off..

Stuck to older material early on but soon started getting requests for Stone Roses, Sigma, Guetta, chart... The Smiths! Pulp... Blur.... we went all around the world musically taking in 90s Britpop, 80s Indieish, 90s & 00s RnB, a smattering of DnB and all kinds of stuff. We absolutely smashed the roof off. One tricky customer kept pestering me for Whip/NaeNae but in spite of the totally eclectic music going on I couldn't see it fitting in anywhere at all. Tried some cheese early on just after the buffet when it was requested... pretty much fell flat on its bum. AMEN.

Snuck in a request for Billy Joel - We Didn't Start The Fire near the end for the groomsmen. I dunno why it was so significant to them but 7 lads had the crowd enthralled for the duration.

Yet again my 'big up' for the happy couple fell really quite flat on its face. The barstaff even commented how strange it was not to have the usual earsplitting whoops & cheers but what can you do? Meh. Sturdy handshakes from many people during pack down & heartfelt thanks from the B&G themselves. Another job well done I think.

Next up - a few days away at one of the UK's many static caravan parks with my wife, kids & puppy. I am SO looking forward to this break!

[DJ Jules]

What a weekend - three gigs and a dry hire to boot.

Saturday night saw me covering for another DJ at a local sports bar. I had my doubts about this one from the start because Bristol has been deserted since Friday night as most of it's population apparently disappeared to the coasts to make the best of the good weather, the bank holiday and the half term holiday all coinciding on the same weekend for once. Arrived at the pub at 6:45 to set up as agreed and got told to wait until the footy finished as I was to set up just under the giant screen. Got set up and the pub starts slowly emptying out as people finish their meals and wander off home. I'm then told I have to wait until the final finishes before I can start... Final starts late at 7:50, first half finishes, I play 15mins of music in the break, second half starts, goes into extra time, then penalties and it's 10:40 before I get going. To a sum total of 9 people, including the bar staff. End up playing the bar staff's requests for 40mins while they clear up and being told to call it a night at 11:20. Home in bed by midnight with cash in hand.

Sunday I had to drop off kit at a hotel in the morning and then make my way up the M4 to Swindon for a Communion party. This was a needadisco gig that I took a chance on as not many others wanted it. A 4hr communion party on Sunday afternoon for 30 x 12yr olds. A bit of a challenge, but after doing a 3hr party for a 12yr old a few months ago, I felt up for the challenge. Arrived and set up and discovered that the party was for a group of Irish travellers. Payment came in cash at the start and discovered that the party had no structure at all (food out for 4hrs, kids to help themselves, anything goes). Kids got going "testing" the Karaoke 30mins before the appointed start and I settled in to wait for the guests to arrive. The expected 30 children never arrived. Numbers topped out at 14 including the adults for a brief period, and then dropped again as the kids got tired and got taken home by parents. Eventually got told to call it a day after 3hrs and 30mins after everyone left (which was actually 4hrs total as the kids got going early). I felt really sorry for the girl and her family as her guests just didn't show, but she had a good time. It was one of those parties though where it could have been so much better if it'd been shorter. And there had been more people. Keeping kids engaged for 4hrs was going to be a challenge anyway, but without a good number of them, and without any structured breaks, it was near impossible. It was also roasting hot and the doors were all open, so I lost half of them to the great outdoors too whenever they had the chance.

Home by 7:00. Waiting on the NaD feedback for that one....

So... Monday, picked up the dry hire kit without any issue and went to set up for a wedding reception working for a local agency. Described to me as an "intimate party" with just 25 guests and given strict instructions to keep the volume down as a third of the guests were over 75. Turned out to be 23 guests and another third of them were from Tanzania (the Bride's friends and family!) The room turned out to be tiny too, but they still managed to cram in 18 chairs, me and a dancefloor, though I had to sacrifice a speaker to do so! If I'd been properly briefed I would have taken the HK Nano and a smaller booth and dispensed with speaker stands altogether, but never mind.

Turned out to be the climax of my weekend with the guests participating well from about 9:30 after the buffet until the end, and only losing a handful of guests in the process. One of those gigs where you have to work hard to a) work out what the foreign guests will actually recognise and respond to and b) what the older guests will go for and then most challenging, c) decide what will keep both young and old guests happy without wearing out the older guests. Luckily for me the Bride and Groom were into slower numbers so I spent the last hour of the night playing a lot of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Ella Fitzgerald and Elvis as well as a chunk of Big Band and Buble also made a few appearances outside of the Xmas party season.

I'm now done until Sat when I have a local wedding where I plan to experiment a little with backdrops, starcloths and lights as I'm adding another look to my portfolio.

Julian

[Benny Smyth]

I've got 21 gigs on the bounce coming up in August, and I've worked out that I'll need the t-bar for three of them.


Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Excalibur]

Interesting one for the Legslappers. Regular venue, new customers. Organisers turn up bang on time with the keys, great. Younger crowd than normal, and I've taken the more lively lightshow, great. FFN turn up on time and get all ready, great. Bar staff turn up and open the bar, great.

Actually, they don't. Here we enter Victor Meldrew territory. " I don't believe it ". This one's been booked for ages, organisers rang the venue booking person, and were asked if they wanted the bar as well. They said they did, and were told it would be sorted, no problem. On the night, organisers are worrying because the bar staff haven't arrived, so ring to check with booking officer. " Oh yes, they'll be there in a few minutes, they're on their way ".

Somehow, they get the number of the bar staff, and speak directly to them, to be informed that when they were asked in February to provide the bar, they said they would be on holiday, and unavailable. I foresee a lot of buck passing over this.

So, we're late starting because of waiting for the bar, and plan B is deployed. Raid the nearby Co-op for lots of cans. It's an ill wind, cos they were sold a lot cheaper than bar prices. This ill wind also meant that I had less than an hour to play at the end. Easy night. Kick off with Uptown Funk et al, half a dozen Indie staples, couple of salsa style numbers for some ladies, and it's time to go home.

As I said, it's a regular venue, and not very big. We had 126 people in, at three long tables. As most of the evening is speech based, I tried the Alto TS210s with the 12" Alto sub. That little sub really impresses me. Less so the tops. They just can't keep up with the sub. The system didn't have a lot left to give. I have used the 12" LD tops in a room way bigger for a similar number, and they were very loud, with something in reserve.

Small one coming up on Friday, with a gig virtually in my back yard on Saturday. Big marquee we erected yesterday. It was a learning curve, they recommend six men are needed to get it done in a day. That's not far off the meark, especially when we were having to work out what all the bits were, and where they went.

I may slip from the path of righteousness on this one, and permit myself a small sherry. this gig's likely to start whenever I hit play in the morning, and finish when the last person goes home/goes into the house cos it's warmer/ the extension cable for the power melts or I fall over, tired and emotional. Looking forward to that, and the week after it's holiday time. Country and Western week in Norfolk. Yee haw, as Crazy would perhaps say.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

Yesterday I loaded up the van with an array of different sound set ups and headed for Lewes in East Sussex for a wedding.
I wouldn't normally head out that far (78 miles each way) but the wedding was for a couple who'd met at one of my Alternative nights in the mid-90's and had always said that if they ever decided to get married they'd ask me. Well, they stuck with that because they only booked me in February after trying to find me. The last time we saw each other was in 1996....wow! 20 years ago.

The wedding was on a farm which was owned by the Brides father. Talk about epic! It was a stunning place and out in the middle of nowhere. I drove past the place 3 times and was getting flustered thinking I was never going to find it and be late. What's the point of getting the venue contact number, the best man's number and the Bride and Grooms numbers if none of them bloody answer the phone!!!? I eventually found it and was only 5 minutes past my original arrival time of 4.00pm.

It was a really chilled out and laid back affair. The theme of the wedding was 'festival' and the marquee was set up by a lake on the grounds. There were lots of other activities going on when I arrived and lots of tents being set up as many were staying overnight. The idea was for me to be set up by 5.00pm with background music going through my Alto combo amplifier with the Grooms playlist until 6.45pm when the cake would be cut and then the first dance(s) would happen.

I took the subs and also the JBL's as well as the Mackies as I just wasn't sure how big the marquee was (even though I'd been sent photos beforehand). If I'd had to set up a bigger sound system I wouldn't have been done by 5.00pm but I decided to just use the Mackies and that worked out well. Yes, I had to up the volume more than I usually would to compensate for the marquee but they did well and saved me a lot of time too. I also took the new platforms I'd made for the X Moves and placed them on opposite sides of the marquee and away from my main lighting and that looked really cool (and they were safe too!).

Things were running late and the cake cutting didn't happen until 7.45pm. I'd already decided to ditch the grooms playlist and background music as I had a huge list of requests from back in the day and I wanted to try and get as many played as possible. It was a lovely evening and although at times I was in the marquee on my own, I could see people dancing outside on the grass. The atmosphere was really cool actually but it was sweltering in that marquee and my trusty £20.00 clip on fan that I've had for over 10 years really came in handy. The first dance followed the cake cutting and then it was into party mode but the marquee emptied out quickly because of the heat and also because it was still light.

As it got dark (later than I had expected), more guests ventured into the marquee to dance to the old skool indie tunes and I started to recognise a lot of faces who I hadn't seen for 20 years either. The groom had told me there would be many old faces there from those alternative nights and all he'd said to them beforehand was "You'll recognise the DJ". It was great. People were coming up and shaking my hand or hugging me and one girl even bowed and said she wasn't worthy....ha! ha! It made me feel really good and ultra confident and I was in the zone and coming up with some real classics.

The whole thing went really well. At times I went outside my little area (they'd made me a little area with hay bales etc..). I was using (strawberry aroma) smoke and when it was dark the beams of light filling the marquee looked great. I'd positioned one of the X Moves so it shone outside at times and I was well happy with the effects.
As the night came to a close and I announced the last song (Blur - Song 2), there were probably only 50 guests left. The groom came over, borrowed the microphone and thanked me. Everyone cheered. He and his new wife hugged me, went to the dance floor and went mad for Blur and then that was it.

I was packed down within 30 minutes, sweating like a sweaty thing from sweatsville and gulping down an ice cold can of Diet Coke as I started my journey home.
My Sat Nav said I'd be home by 01.50am but annoyingly a 4 lane section of the M25 was down to just 1 lane and I didn't move for 20 minutes which meant I got home later than expected but it didn't bother me. Yesterday was a classic and very enjoyable (although tiring too!).

[Nakatomi]

Last night I had a wedding reception.. no big surprises there. There were, it's fair to say, some 'characters' among the guests. First of all as I was unloading the van I met Billy who immediately struck me as that bloke who was going to be grinding my gears all night long, and not in a good way. "I'll give you 30 bar for yer speakers" he says. "I beg your pardon?" I say. "Ah, I was only jokin".. I got my RnR loaded up with the first batch & locked the van. When I got back to the van I found Johnny trying all the doors. "I'm just checkin you locked the van properly" he says. Hmmmm

Things in the function room overran terribly, so it was another case of hurrying to set up. This went well until I went to raise my lighting tripod and I knocked over a photo of a dead person. SMASH on the floor it went, though inexplicably the front glass remained intact. As if I wasn't already sweating enough I hurriedly put the cheap plastic frame back together, securing the corners with gaffer tape. Lights up, music on... oh bugger one of the scanners isn't obeying DMX. I'll just... SMASH! Oh not again! Same photo frame, on the floor face down... Again the front glass was intact.... More tape & job was a good un. I got the scanner DMX address set again & we were off.

I had a time for the first dance set as 'whenever' so set about trying to get people up. A woman came up to ask me if I could turn the house lights down cos there's no atmosphere. Hmmm. Bear in mind the room DOES have its own white lighting which was on, but it also has a glass roof which has a nasty habit of letting in all the pre-sunset DAYLIGHT. "But it's daylight in here" I said to her. "But can't you just turn it down for us?" she wonders. Oyoyoyoy. Obviously not at the front of the queue when the brains were handed out, that one. Fair play to her, she'd have looked much better in the dark.

First dance (ear splitting cheers this time yay!), then the cake was cut... and then I had people dancing fairly easily.

After the buffet it was finally getting dark so I hit the hazer wireless remote for a quick burst & cranked the scanners & flowers on. A request came in for 'She's So Lovely' for a bridesmaid & bride. Could I find it? Could I Off to the music shop I went, having to attempt to download it no less than 3 times before I was successful.

Billy was still being a bit of a ... though in a nice harmless fun way (if a little annoying for the guests he was with I thought), but he had to leave when his minibus arrived to take him back from whence he came. And then I was introduced to an older (than me) American guy who sounded like he was from New Yoik ish. Hip hap. Now. Now! Cam aahnn. Get with the frickin hip hap dude. You know how to do it don'tcha... (mimes a scratching action). Yknow like a proper DJ man... Hey ho... resist the urge to slap... must ... resist... And worked in a handful of classics which went down well.. but mr Hip Hap was nowhere to be seen. Meh.

Looked at the time on my laptop.. eek! It's 11.40pm already... last orders at the bar please ladies & gentlemen...

Did the ancient 'Town Called Malice' out of 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl', looped the bass break in 'malice' & did my outro 'big up' for the B&G. More earsplitting hollers & cheers Ended the night with a reprise of the first dance.. Kodaline - The One which I think is one of the least offensive slushy first dances of recent times I can recall.

Oh how did my standin go.. the lady DJ? Very well apparently. Not as good as me though, but apparently her lights are way better. A clutch of cluster lasers. What?! At a wedding? We might have to have words. Anyway on what planet are cluster lasers better than anything?

[Excalibur]

Oh how did my stand in go.. the lady DJ? Very well apparently. Not as good as me though, but apparently her lights are way better. A clutch of cluster lasers. What?! At a wedding? We might have to have words. Anyway on what planet are cluster lasers better than anything?

Excuse me? On the off chance that you were expecting answers, here is the man who last night ran not one, not two, but three such animals!!! Granted, it wasn't a wedding, and two of the lasers were in Swarm 5s.

To be vaguely serious, the only time I use one at weddings is if I've got a huge expanse of white canvas roof to project onto.

Darren has said that to DJs they're a bit old hat, but I think good ones impress customers.