Hi there.
Just had a quick peep around your website and looked on your 'Meet the DJ' page. Although I see a nice picture of you, Neil, that page to me sounds like an 'About Us' page. Maybe change the 'Meet the DJ' text to 'About Your DJ'?
Also I notice in your text there is a lot of us this and us that:
"I have always had a passion for music and have always been amazed at the effect that music has on your moods and how your moods can affect your choice of music!(.? Loose the ful stop) Using this along with our experience and knowledge, we can cater for everyones' musical tastes and preferences to get your grandchildren and other loved ones up to dance the night away! Seeing people dancing, smiling and laughing gives me a real buzz and satisfaction and makes the effort we put into your shows worth it".
The words highlighted is what I've replaced and added because to me, there are too many 'our's mentioned in your text. If you word it my way including "you" this, "you" that, it's a more personal touch IMO. And finally the ' after 'everyones', the inverted comma goes after the last word because you are talking about several people.
Hope this help, Neil
Neil M.
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Originally Posted by deckstardeluxe
