No thread title could do this justice

[Benny Smyth]

Over the last two weeks, I have experienced something that I never expected. It's been disturbing, hilarious, scary and headache-inducing. I will now tell a tale of woe. Some details will be omitted because I'm not sure of the legalities and whilst I have gone to every effort to remove all swearing from the emails that I am quoting, I may have missed one or two so I would like to apologise in advanced.

I hope the following entertains you.

About a month ago, I accepted a booking for a wedding next year. Lovely couple that I met at a wedding fayre and they booked me on the spot. Two weeks ago, I receive this email:

Hello,

It has come to my attenshun that you have been booked to perform at a wedding for [names not important]. I am emailing you to inform you that I have already been booked for this event and as such, you will not be required to be in attendence. I will discuss with my clients about this.

Kind regards,

Needless to say, I was confuzzled! So I dropped the couple an email asking them for clarification. They told me that they did book with this gent, but after speaking to him on the phone, they felt very uncomfortable with him so they didn't sign a contract and decided to go with me. They informed him of this, and gave him my name when asked who will be replacing him. So I sent him an email back.

Hi [name],

I've spoken to [names not important], and after speaking to both you and I, they have decided to use my services. From what I have been told, they haven't signed a contract with you so unfortunately, they are under no obligation. I'm sorry that you have lost out on the work, and I do hope that you find a booking to fill it's place.

All the best,

Benny

Then came the reply.

Hello,

Regardles as to weather they have signed a contract or not, that is my booking. Since you have stolen my work, I expect to be compensated.

I'm trying to be nice about this and do this the nice way, so it would be in your interest for a quick resolution to this.

Regards,

Hi [name],

I appreciate the frustration, but this is something that you will have to take up with [names not important]. I would appreciate that you refrain from contacting me about this matter, as it is none of my business.

Benny

Ready for the kicker?

Hello,

That's fine. I will be in touch with my solicitor, as you have clearly stolen my intelectual property. I will be compensated for this. Please send me your adress.

Regards,

Theft of intellectual property? Dude, you do realise that has absolutely Jack to what you're on about (ignoring the fact that you don't have a leg to stand on).

But that's fine. I look forward to hearing from your solicitor. Since you have taken this route, I will not be responding until I hear from them.

What is your adress? My legal coucel will require this within 7 days.

I won't be divulging that information to you. Any solicitor worth their salt would be able to find out my address. If they cannot, then they can email me directly.

But seriously, you're a grown man, and throwing a temper tantrum over losing a booking is several kinds of pathetic. The only thing topping it in terms of sadness is that you're using threats of legal action. There isn't a solicitor in the world that would entertain such a silly, frivolous, and downright embarrassing action, so just off already.

All this effort could be used to getting yourself a new booking. Just saying...

Give me the information, now you me off

And I ignored him and left it as that. I decided to ignore the threats until I heard from a 'solicitor'. Two days later...

My name is [solicitor's name] and I am representing [DJ's name] in a civil action against you on the basis of theft of intellectual property, harrasment and defamation.

Any attempts to ignore this written request will be seen as a failure to start negotiations on my clients compensation and I will have no choice then to act in the best interests of my client and seek Compensation for lost ernings and to obtain a order forcing your hand into direct communication with me on behalf of my client and possible further court action

If you have any enquires into this matter or wish to speak to me direct have no hesitation in contacting our offices during business hours to see an end to this drama

Yours Sincerely

I had to read this several times. I noted the bad grammar, and the spelling mistake but I wanted to make certain whether it was fake or not. Then I looked at the top of my Outlook and noticed that this came from a Hotmail account. So here comes the reply from me!

How about we start these "negotiations" as soon as you're able to find legal counsel that can properly spell things like 'earnings'. Being able to capitalise his last name might not be a bad idea, either, as it smells of professionalism (ahem). And what harassment, exactly? You do realise the irony of that, right?

I can't tell you how many kinds of awesome it is, that this is what you spent your day doing. Your life must be several kinds of terrific.

As Legal Counsel for [DJ's name] I do not think it is in your best interests to make a mockery of my representation of my abilities as a solicitor.

Furthermore in your latest communication you have shown that you are clearly unable to communicate without the need to ridicule and Harass. You may wsh to take this matter seriously.

If negotiations have not started in the next 72 hours then I will have no other alternative then to take this matter through the courts and any such action will result in your organisation risking being liable for any costs associated with bringing this matter before the courts.

And as I do like to poke the bear...

Did you not think to use spell check before sending that one?

Give it up. No legal professional is involved in any of this pitiful attempt to scare me into paying you. Your hand has been shown.

You don't seem to have any idea how the law actually works, do you? Solicitors don't contact people from Hotmail accounts. No solicitor worth their salt would fire off poorly-written empty threat after poorly-written empty threat.

And that you think I'd actually be stupid enough to fall for this is just hilarious.

But in the interest of comedy, let's go ahead and forget about the next 72 hours and just skip right on to you taking this to the courts (the sooner, the better).

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find some new boots to quake in.

You think this is not a real case? see you in court.

Looking forward to it. My fake lawyer said that he's going to punch your fake lawyer right in the .

While all this was going on, I decided to shoot an email over to the solicitor firm that was supposedly emailing me. I had to make sure, just to cover my own back and they actually got back to me. There was no way that I wasn't going to share that!

Well, there's been a rather interesting new development in your legal crusade that I thought you'd like me to share with you. Sitting down? (Of course you are. I've seen your picture on your site, and you look the kind of guy who gets winded just hitting his space bar extra hard.) Anyway, as per our correspondence, I took it upon myself to contact the good folks at [solicitor firm] on Friday, and guess what? Early this morning, they took the time to get back to me regarding your putting me on trial:

Hello Mr. Smyth,

Unfortunately you are correct, we have not had any contact from [DJ's name].

Thank you for bringing this to our attention. Please contact me on the number below, as any further information that you can provide in the matter would help us greatly.

Kind regards,


And just so you know, I've already forwarded our email chain to them, and I'm going to make myself available to assist them in whatever ways possible to see to it that you're brought to justice for the fraud that you've committed.

Anyway, thanks for mistakenly trying to with me. It's been a pleasure watching the whole thing blow back up in your face in spectacular fashion.

[Excalibur]

So how much compensation are you going to give him for you having the audacity to snatch the food from his mouth?

[funkymook]

Must admit as tempting it is to reply to emails like that I think the best action is ignoring them. They want a reaction, any reaction - no reply is far more frustrating to these types of people than anything you could write.

Then do you really want a complete nutter with time on his hands having a grudge against you, of course legally and morally you are totally in the right....but who needs the hassle of wondering what he might do to try and mess your business (or life) up.

Hopefully that'll be the last you hear of him though.

[DeckstarDeluxe]

How much of your own time did you waste on this? I'd of just ignored it and spent my energies elsewhere.

[Excalibur]

Sorry Martin and Neil, but I disagree. I applaud Benny's actions, and would like to think I'd have done something similar.

[yourdj]

Must admit as tempting it is to reply to emails like that I think the best action is ignoring them.

I try and avoid people like that when ever possible.
Not worth bothering with.

Funny though other people outlook on things. Its good we are all different I suppose.

[ukpartydj]

People with spare time really are a pain in the backside.
Not worth the time but it's difficult to ignore, I find it amazing how some DJ's and bands etc treat each other like the enemy rather than networking.

[Sapphire Disco]

Impersonating a solicitor is a serious offence as Mr Wonga has recently found out.

[yourdj]

People with spare time really are a pain in the backside.
Not worth the time but it's difficult to ignore, I find it amazing how some DJ's and bands etc treat each other like the enemy rather than networking.

See you at the next HDA meeting then
Its Wednesday if your interested in Soton.

[ckpr2]

This is typical of a "flaming" war.
I got caught out with this early on in Internet days on chat groups with people deliberately trying to start trouble.

As others have said the best reply is no reply.

If you turn up at the gig and he is already there then I would contact the police to have him removed.