I'm beginning to think that in future I'll only buy things I can pick up myself.
And it all started so well. I ordered a tri par bundle from Thomann, who got the order moving in double quick time. It made its way across Germany with steady progress, and arrived in England, no problem. I was tracking its every movement avidly, and was delighted to note that it had been processed in my local depot, and loaded into the delivery van at 7am Wednesday, when my wife would stay in all day waiting. All good so far, eh? Well keep reading, cos Parcel Force are going to foul it up completely.
So, the final time for delivery came and went without the parcel appearing, and when I got home to check why, it appeared that
" couldn't find address" was the reason. Cue one extremely unhappy DJ contacting what passes for customer service. Didn't do a lot for my blood pressure.
" We couldn't deliver it, because we didn't have the full address, Thomann left off the first line, specifying your house ". Curious.
" Anyway, now you've given us the missing information, we'll deliver it tomorrow". Oh no you won't cos there won't be anyone there to sign for it. If I wanted to send it elsewhere, I'd have to pay £5.50 for the privelege, but I could have it sent to my local Post Office for a mere £1, and pick it up myself. Sadly, Parcel force's definition of
" Local" doesn't tally with mine. After being offered a bunch of Post Offices nowhere near me I finally conveyed to them where my local Post Office was. I simply had to turn up with my £1, and evidence of my identity. All good again, eh?
Ooh no, we're soon going to see why I think they ought to be called Parcel
Farce.
I called into the Post Office early to see if it had magically appeared, but no such luck. The assistant asked where my card was, to say it had been taken to the Post Office. When I replied that I didn't have a card because the driver couldn't find my house, the response was
" Oh. Well I can't let you have it without a card" Never mind, I'll cross that bridge when the parcel arrives. One step forward, ones step back, eh?
Purely by chance, I returned home in the afternoon, and as I left again, I spotted a big red van in my mirrors.
Could it be? I stopped, and walked back to speak to the driver. I asked him if he was perchance seeking me? He said he'd just left me a card, and he'd dropped the parcel with my neighbour. Well, that's a lot better, but why hadn't he taken it to the Post Office, as arranged?
" Can't drop it at the Post Office, it's too big" Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
Then why did they tell me they could send it there?
Yesterday, he couldn't find my house not because of a fault in the address, but because he's new to the round, and his crappy sat nav uses the mapping system which can't find me. I know to the inch where it took him, and it's pretty close in a straight line across the river, but nearly ten miles by road.
Now I've got the package here, I can see exactly what's happened. Thomann did in fact put all the right address on the label, but as Eric Morecambe once said
" not necessarily in the right order ". And what was next to the big label bearing this confusing data? The document pouch, proudly bearing an exactly correct address clearly visible. And what was taped next to that? A big scan of an Ordnance Survey map, with big arrows pointing to my house, and the nearest road junction. That was obviously how he'd found me today.
I emailed them to complain, and received the reply to the effect of " We're very sorry you received it late, but you've got it now, so all's well that ends well " Not in my opinion, but I'll settle for that. If only they'd used UPS.