What would you do?

[Imagine]

First up, I realise this is a public forum and anyone can read it....but I very much doubt that the people concerned will find this post so I'll continue....

I'm the Best Man for my Brother in Law in just over a month's time. I've known him since he was 12 years old (so about 20 years now), and he's a splendid chap. His intended however, I really have no time for at all.

Now, this wedding isn't going to be cheap. The venue charges £70 per guest for the reception (and that's only the grub, half a bottle of Chianti and a glass of sparkling wine for the toasts per guest). However, the evening entertainment is another matter entirely....

The original plan was for a "mate" of the bride to do a disco. Funnily enough, he's had a better offer elsewhere and now can't do it. Her solution....she has another "mate" that does Karaoke. I kid you not, the entire evening's entertainment for a wedding is going to be people wailing into microphones thinking they're the next Tom Jones or Gloria Gaynor (my heart sank for my Brother in Law when I found this out).

So far....I haven't interfered or offered to take over the evening's entertainment. I'm expecting to have a night off and be entertained but this obviously isn't going to be the case. The bride is very confrontational as well...I don't really want to wade in and say "look....this is how a wedding reception should work...", she'll literally kill me....it's a very sensitive issue.

Now...I now do a LOT of high end weddings (and the mid range ones too). OK, sometimes (very rarely) Karaoke is included as an option for a little while, but certainly not the entire duration until 1am. The bride " ing loves Karaoke" and so do her mates. However, it's not going to suit every guests tastes (I know of half a dozen already, myself included, that are planning to be in our cars and on the way home the moment it starts!). Doesn't make for a very good wedding reception, does it

Here's the dilemma. It's a "mate" doing the Karaoke. Will he/she actually turn up? Will it be proper kit or are we talking an X-Box and SongStar? This much, I didn't dare to ask. Do I take a mini rig with me (literally the playout, enough sound to do the job and minimal lights just in case), or do I sit back and wince at what's going on and leave my Brother in Law in the lurch?

Chaps and chapesses...the floor is all yours. This really is a tricky one from where I'm sitting and any advice would be more than welcomed.

[DJ Jules]

First off, I would say that Karaoke doesn't always have to be the low class crowd killer that you make it out to be, and it can have a place in a successful wedding party if managed properly. That said, if the guy running it is an inexperienced friend of the bride, then it could be an issue.

If your brother in Law knows what you do and how a wedding should be done, then I would say it's up to him to have the balls to tell that to his Bride to Be. Or to make the decision to let it ride. If he doesn't know what you do, then you have an opportunity to "educate" him in the meantime. Invite him out with you one night (tell him it'll give him a chance to get more familiar with weddings before his own!) At least he can make his own decision then.

Whatever happens, I wouldn't interfere directly unless explicitly asked to by one (or both) of the bridal party. Planning a Wedding is a really stressful time for all involved, and personally I would have hated to try and mediate an argument between a friend and my future wife. Especially if my wife to be was a natural born bridezilla.

Julian

[Benny Smyth]

Stay out of it. It's their wedding, and not your responsibility.

May be harsh, but it's true. It's up to the pair of them to decide what they want for their wedding day and if the lesson of 'mate #1' dropping out hasn't been learned, then what you can say and offer will more than likely go over their heads.

Probably a form of natural selection. come to think of it.

[Imagine]

First off, I would say that Karaoke doesn't always have to be the low class crowd killer that you make it out to be, and it can have a place in a successful wedding party if managed properly. That said, if the guy running it is an inexperienced friend of the bride, then it could be an issue.
Julian

Maybe I phrased it wrong Julian - I known that Karaoke can be made to work with the right host, and work very well. However, as I said in the original post....I have big doubts.

Thanks for the advice guys...it's sort of what I was expecting people to say anyway. I just hope it all turns out right on the day for the Brother in Law's sake.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

I agree with Benny.
Get it programmed in to your head that you are on best man duties and that's it. If the bride is as difficult as you say she is then it really isn't worth the bother.
Don't be tempted to take ANY equipment with you whatsoever. Your brother in law has asked you to be best man and that's a big job but should also be an honour for you so concentrate on that role and forget about trying to save the evening.

Yes, it is a tough one and I guess many of us don't envy the position you are in but no matter how hard it is going to be just standing there and watching it all happen, I think it is the right thing to do. I guess we are all programmed to want the best for the Bride & Groom on their big day when it comes to the entertainment and that's a good thing but sometimes you just have to let them get on with it, especially if this particular Bride(zilla?) is adamant about what she wants.

The problem is.....IF it doesn't go to plan and is a bit of a failure and people do start leaving, she'll soon realise that she was wrong. Just keep your brother in law happy. I'm sure he'll know you're right. If you really are that concerned then you could always ask him what he thinks but personally, I think I'd let them get on with it.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Excalibur]

Julian:
You're not living in any world I recognise.

Benny;
You're absolutely right, but that doesn't really help the situation ( other than damage limitation )

Wayne:
You're stuffed, pal!!


Right, let's have a go. I would offer, but Cambridge is too far away from me, so do you know any other more reputable/accomplished DJs who could provide a more " upmarket" service? Possibly at " trade price"
You'd have to suggest this in a very tactful way, perhaps dropping it into conversation that you know this disco that's absolutely spot on, and can be relied on to provide a first class service at reasonable rates.

If that fails, at least you've tried. For what it's worth, if I have to endure awful entertainment at a similar function, I'm grumpier than a bear with more than just a sore head. I'd rather do the disco myself on such occasions, although that doesn't always go down well with She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Good luck Son, you'll need it.

[rth_discos]

. The bride " ing loves Karaoke" and so do her mates. However, it's not going to suit every guests tastes (I know of half a dozen already, myself included, that are planning to be in our cars and on the way home the moment it starts!). Doesn't make for a very good wedding reception, does it

It's the bride's wedding, and therefore up to her what her wedding reception should be.

One of the biggest regrets people have after their wedding is wishing they'd done it their way, instead of trying to please everyone else.

I would say the problem is with you if you're intending to be in your car the moment the entertainment starts.

The alternative is that you wade in, she agrees and lets you do a disco, and is then disappointed, because she feels afterwards the karaoke would have been more fun.

Enjoy the night off, and observe - sometimes you can be surprised!

[Imagine]

I would say the problem is with you if you're intending to be in your car the moment the entertainment starts.

Unfortunately, it's not just me. Several of the family (and they're a big family) who heard the announcement about Karaoke over the weekend suddenly had images of a drunken hen-night in their heads.

Phrases like "we're gonna get completely hammered and slay the Karaoke" from the bride don't help with that image either. It's going to be a quality evening

Even my 19 year old daughter pulled a face at the idea and she occasionally goes to Karaoke nights.

Enjoy the night off, and observe - sometimes you can be surprised!

That's what I'm going to try to do. I've got enough other stuff to do on the day.

It's going to be a difficult one. I don't want to see it fail, I really don't. It's their big day and it quite rightly should be special and the way they want it. But....I've just got a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised, I really hope so. As I said previously, done properly Karaoke can work (although I agree to live in the same world as Peter on that one which is why I don't offer it very often).

Time will tell......

[Benny Smyth]

On the flip side, why are we sure that 'mate #2' is going to be bad?

[funkymook]

This is an easy one - you haven’t been asked because you’re the best man and a guest, so stay out of the entertainment side of things unless they approach you to get involved. Take a night off and try to enjoy yourself, in fact that’s one very positive way you can contribute to their wedding.