How do I look?

[Nakatomi]

Not entirely finished yet.. I need more photos of gigs.. and better photos of gigs (or just some hints on where to get good stock images), but this is what I've been up to in my 'spare time'

http://www.mrdeejay.co.uk/

[funkymook]

I don’t think you need to say 'Just my trusty laptop, professional sound card & controller (you try being a great DJ with only a mouse & a keyboard!)’ the general public haven’t a clue what a controller or a sound card is.

Likewise 'The subject of playlists is a thorny subject for many DJs’ - that’s what we talk about on DJ forums, they’re not interested, all they need to know is that you welcome their song ideas.

It’s also verging on negative marketing, all the space you’re using to say how bad your wedding DJ was could be used to say how great you are and what you can do for you clients.

Parts of it seem to be written for other DJ’s as we’re the only ones who will get the significance.

But overall the style is friendly and professional and you come across well, I think you just need to read it as if you were a prospective client rather than a DJ and rewrite (or leave out) anything that isn’t positive and is ‘DJ speak’.

[Nakatomi]

I don’t think you need to say 'Just my trusty laptop, professional sound card & controller (you try being a great DJ with only a mouse & a keyboard!)’ the general public haven’t a clue what a controller or a sound card is.

Likewise 'The subject of playlists is a thorny subject for many DJs’ - that’s what we talk about on DJ forums, they’re not interested, all they need to know is that you welcome their song ideas.

It’s also verging on negative marketing, all the space you’re using to say how bad your wedding DJ was could be used to say how great you are and what you can do for you clients.

Parts of it seem to be written for other DJ’s as we’re the only ones who will get the significance.

But overall the style is friendly and professional and you come across well, I think you just need to read it as if you were a prospective client rather than a DJ and rewrite (or leave out) anything that isn’t positive and is ‘DJ speak’.

Good points, taken on board. Cheers. And this lot's got past my focus group too.. no biccies for them tonight!

[ukpartydj]

I havent looked through it throughly and I quite possibly have made these "errors" myself but...

Try highlighting certain words or seperate paragraphs to make each page more like a advertisement than a book.
Also I hate the mumbo jumbo mean nothing phrases like "if your looking for a great DJ, you've come to the right place"... Or trying to tell people things they already know like" your wedding day is special, make sure your entertainment is too"

Maybe make some words bold to highlight the important bits so your not forcing them to read the useless joining words? Something I've tried and I think it works well. If you don't you run the risk of the reader getting bored / not absorbing information.

[Nakatomi]

I thought that meaningless mumbo jumbo & telling the customer what they already know was what marketing is all about.

Writing copy is bloody hard work.

I like your website, but it's very evidence based. You're selling on the back of what your customers have said about you - which is great - but I'm not yet in a position to be able to do that.

So, I'm trying to convey what I'm all about, without resorting to negative marketing. And I've not yet found the right formula.

[Nakatomi]

And while on the subject of your website UkPartyDJ, there's a pretty nasty typo on your site. Check the 'about' page.

Oh, and in your tags you have 'wedding/cival'.

Anyway back on topic, I don't know much about successful web copy yet & there's going to be many a tweak taking place. Some small, some very big!

Thanks for the input so far!