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Thread: DJs Don't Cry: Behind The Smiles

  1. #1
    Resident Antagonist Benny Smyth's Avatar
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    Default DJs Don't Cry: Behind The Smiles

    Friday: Car loses power on the M42. Very sluggish to accelerate and won't go above 60.

    Monday morning: Phone garage to book it in. Thursday is the earliest. Really? Guess that'll have to do.

    Monday evening: Engine warning light appears on dash. Fer gawd's sake! Never mind, I can drive the van everywhere for now.

    Tuesday: Client decides to ignore the fact that I don't provide a children's entertainment and wants me to provide a kids disco for the first hour this Saturday. Not a chance. Not my area of expertise and I did tell you that when you booked me. This square peg will not even attempt to fit in the round hole you're trying to put me in. Besides, I cannot interact with children as I am not CRB checked. No, I can't get a CRB check before Saturday, and even if I could I wouldn't - I don't offer children's entertainment! I said that I'd play music for them. That's exactly what was agreed and that is what I'll be providing.

    Wednesday morning: Engine warning light appears on the van too. You have got to be ing kidding me! Hello Mr. Mechanic, sir. Y'know I'm bringing in my car in tomorrow? Can I bring my van in too, please? No? Have to wait until next Thursday? I guess that'll have to do. Actually, can I bring the van in tomorrow and do the car next week? I can live without the car but will need the van. What do you mean no? But what difference does it make? Just ing do it!!!! Oh you will do it? Excellent. Thank you.

    It's only 11am on a Wednesday? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  2. #2
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    Benny, do you perchance buy your fuel ( diesel? ) at a supermarket? Deltic had exactly the same experience, and was told to change suppliers. That basically solved the problem.

    Not saying all supermarket fuel is , but I have been told not to use it exclusively.
    Excalibur. Older than the average DJ.

    www.excaliburmobiledisco.co.uk

  3. #3
    Resident Antagonist Benny Smyth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Excalibur View Post
    Benny, do you perchance buy your fuel ( diesel? ) at a supermarket? Deltic had exactly the same experience, and was told to change suppliers. That basically solved the problem.

    Not saying all supermarket fuel is , but I have been told not to use it exclusively.
    Always go to Shell or BP. I've heard the same thing about supermarket fuel, so I just skip it completely (with the odd exception where I have been a bit thick and need a desperate refueling at the next set of pumps I see).

  4. #4
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    Always go to Shell or BP. I've heard the same thing about supermarket fuel, so I just skip it completely (with the odd exception where I have been a bit thick and need a desperate refueling at the next set of pumps I see).
    Pretty much as I do. I'll keep quiet then.
    Excalibur. Older than the average DJ.

    www.excaliburmobiledisco.co.uk

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    Resident Antagonist Benny Smyth's Avatar
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    Well hopefully that's the van sorted. Something about the air fuel sensor. All I know is that translates into £168. Sigh...

    Oh well. Off to Tamworth this afternoon to pick up some new flightcases. Fingers crossed that nothing goes wrong with that...

  6. #6
    Resident Antagonist Benny Smyth's Avatar
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    10 things I've learnt this weekend:

    1) When it comes to flightcases, I should have done it right the first time. Last year, I bought a big case for my LiteConsole and I've just sold it because I've had a smaller case made for it. It's about a third narrower and better built. Also last year, I bought a flightcase to hold all four of my movers instead of two duos. For the most part, it was fine but only became frustrating when I only needed two movers for a gig, but still had to take all four. Last month, I ordered two duo cases and picked them up Friday.

    2) Flightcase Warehouse took 21 working days to make my two duo flightcases. Swan Flight took three days to build my new LiteConsole case.

    3) This was my first gig for so long where I didn't take the ramp for the van. My roadie and I could lift the kit out without it. It was ing amazables.

    4) I hate setting my kit up earlier in the day. I may actually refuse to do it at some point.

    5) I have a lot more patience than I realised when I came back to the venue after an early setup on a stage to see that a clown had tried to push my LiteConsole back a bit by pushing on the front perspex panel and dislodging it. I suspect that I would have much less patient were anything broken.

    6) I hate kids discos. I hate Children's entertainment full stop. I hate that presenters on Cbeebies bend down to talk to the camera. I have much respect to those who do kids parties (they are better men than I), but it's something that I'll never do. I was OK to play music to some kids for an hour, but trying to get me to play games even though it was agreed that I don't offer that service? No thanks.

    7) German folk know how to have a good party.

    8) I can spend an extended period with some Germans without mentioning the war. Benny Smyth 1, Basil Fawlty 0.

    9) I'm still amazed that a painter and decorator would walk into someone's house and say to the guy painting and decorating it "I'm a painter and decorator too!" What? Does that not happen? Are you telling me that it's just DJs who walk up to people that they have never met before and automatically assume that there is a connection to be made because I am standing amongst some pretty lights?

    10) Spam isn't as nice as it used to be. Not that it was all that nice in the first place. I bought a tin a while ago because my dad used to eat it. I decided to relive that memory from my childhood when I got home from the gig. Probably should have just stuck to the post-gig beer.

  7. #7
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    10 things I've learnt this weekend:


    4) I hate setting my kit up earlier in the day. I may actually refuse to do it at some point.
    I love it. Takes away all the stress. There's nothing nicer than walking into a gig, through the throng of people milling about, and calmly booting up the laptop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    5) I have a lot more patience than I realised when I came back to the venue after an early setup on a stage to see that a clown had tried to push my LiteConsole back a bit by pushing on the front perspex panel and dislodging it. I suspect that I would have much less patient were anything broken.
    Jury's out on that one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    6) I have much respect to those who do kids parties (they are better men than I),
    No question. I've seen many good ones, and they are awesome people.
    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    7) German folk know how to have a good party.
    Ja!

    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    9) Are you telling me that it's just DJs who walk up to people that they have never met before and automatically assume that there is a connection to be made because I am standing amongst some pretty lights?
    No. Mechanics, Builders, Farmers, et al do it as well, believe me.
    Difference is, being a good DJ isn't easily quantifiable, and you can achieve that objective in many different ways. Thus, we go to see how someone else is working, whether we agree, and if we can nick any useful ideas.
    Excalibur. Older than the average DJ.

    www.excaliburmobiledisco.co.uk

  8. #8
    ukpartydj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Smyth View Post
    I cannot interact with children as I am not CRB checked.
    I originally thought you might be being sarcastic. But your further posts suggest otherwise. It's not a requirement at all (even more so than PAT) and if it were you'd need one done for every gig. You shouldn't be left alone with the kids at any point so what does it matter if your a criminal?

    Besides there are plenty of criminals who have kids.

    Dorset DJ - Dorset based DJ service
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    CRB... pretty sure it's an acronym of the Latin words for "hasn't been caught yet"

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    Resident Antagonist Benny Smyth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ukpartydj View Post
    I originally thought you might be being sarcastic. But your further posts suggest otherwise. It's not a requirement at all (even more so than PAT) and if it were you'd need one done for every gig. You shouldn't be left alone with the kids at any point so what does it matter if your a criminal?

    Besides there are plenty of criminals who have kids.
    You need a CRB check by law if you're working regularly with Children. Performing at a wedding when there are kids around doesn't count because you're not working with them but fot children's discos where you will be playing and interacting directly with kids requires a CRB which apparently is now known as a DBS.

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