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Thread: A Few Wedding Related Questions

  1. #1
    Casual77's Avatar
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    Default A Few Wedding Related Questions

    Having had a quiet couple of months I'm just about to head into a busy patch with 13 consecutive weekends of gigs including my first weddings of the year. I've not done a wedding since New Year's Eve and I feel a bit out of the swing of things so I thought maybe I could float a few questions past people on here to get me back in the right frame of mind.....


    1. A few of the weddings are large marquee affairs with 200+ people (well that's large by my usual standards). I've just invested in a couple of 12" subs to help out my Yamaha 12" tops so hopefully they will sound ok but from a volume perspective, should I be aiming to play to the dancefloor or the whole marquee?

    2. I've been given an extensive list of suggested songs (which I have no problems with per se). The only issue is that there seems to be a significant proportion of slow songs many of which I wouldn't normally play (Holding Back the Years by Simply Red, anyone?). I can obviously get away with playing a selection of slower songs at some point during the night but maybe only about half a dozen or so. So the question is.... should I try to slip a few of them into the background music early on or would I be better to just drop them from the set completely?

    3. My next wedding is my first gay wedding (two grooms). I will have to announce the first dance and I was wondering what the accepted alternative to 'bride and groom' is? Or should I avoid generic terms?

    4. I've been given a few genres to guide me but are there any specific songs which might be considered 'must plays' at a gay wedding? Is it politically appropriate for me to even ask that?

    5. One of the genres suggested is 'Classic Funk'. Can anyone point me in the direction of a few classic songs which would fall into this genre as a starting point. I'm sure I will know a lot of the bigger songs but can't put my finger on what they would be at the moment.

    I'm sure there will be some more when I think about it but they will do for starters. As always any help will be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
    Steven's Avatar
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    Ill try my best to help,

    1. Marquee's swallow sound, be prepared for your sound to feel totally underwhelming. It will hardly bounce off the walls and with the people acting like sponges it will be frustrating. You have a couple of choices, Hire in some more sound (another pair of 12's half way down the room for example to carry the noise to the back at slightly higher than background level) or don't worry about it and don't overwork your speakers. i nearly blew mine trying to keep up with a bands twin 18 subs!

    2. I'd discuss this with the couple and tell them you plan on using them as background songs as in your experience the majority wont work a crowd on the floor, they will agree and you won't have a problem. (unless they want 1 or 2 saving for end of night)

    3. Best tip here is to ask them. They might have something specific in mind and if not suggest a few to them. Happy couple, our wonderful Grooms etc.

    4.Again, ask them. Treat is like any other wedding, if they say they want typical gay stereotype then do that, they might hate camp stuff so if you start playing i will survive they will hate you.

    5. No idea about this genre sorry.
    North East Wedding DJ - www.stevenmaddison.co.uk - TWIA Regional Finalist 2019 & 2020 - The Wedding Business Awards Wedding DJ of the year (North East Region)

  3. #3
    DJColsie's Avatar
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    Point 5, classic funk would mean to me things like;

    Mr Big Stuff - Jean Knight

    Don't Dtop the Music - Yarbrough& Peoples

    Shake Your Groove a Thing - Peaches & Herb

    Dance to the Music - Sly & The Family Stone

    Pick Up the Pieces - The Average White Band

    Etc

  4. #4
    Imagine's Avatar
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    In that case - welcome back to the world of weddings

    Sound-wise. I tend to play to fill the floor in a marquee personally (much like any other gig). Not everyone in attendance will want to be deafened by thumping beats (nature of the beast with weddings is that you'll possibly have older relations, relations who haven't seen each other in a while and just want to chill and chat). The Yammy's should cope with that more than amicably (I've had my DXR15's out on their own in marquees before now with no problems). That said, I'd have been inclined to put 15" subs under 12" tops but each to their own. You'll at least be getting some sort of thud at floor level and something overhead.

    With the playlist, I've just had the same this morning (a Mr & Mr wedding for this weekend funny enough). Talk to them and ask where they foresee them coming in. Many people still expect a slow section towards the end of the night, especially with a wedding. When I spoke to my couple this morning, they were more than happy for the slower stuff (apart from a couple of really special ones) to be put into the cocktail hour music.

    Now to the gay wedding (I prefer to call them same sex weddings personally rather than label the happy couple). Firstly....don't get hung up on the fact that it's two gentlemen tying the knot (or ladies if doing the other version). They are two human beings that are in love with each other and want to spend the rest of the lives together the same as any other married couple. As such, they're no different to a heterosexual wedding couple and unless they specifically ask, shouldn't be treated any differently either.

    Introductions....speak to them. From my own personal experience, same sex weddings don't necessarily follow the same routine as a Mr & Mrs wedding. They're still fairly new, and a lot of the couples like to buck tradition and set something new for themselves and their friends to follow....it's all part of the fun. I've never yet announced a Mr & Mr or Mrs & Mrs. I've always been asked to be informal and use first names (as indeed is the case this weekend). Maybe explain to the grooms that they are your first same sex wedding and see how they'd like things done....it's their day after all

    As with must plays....again ASK THE QUESTION. There's no shame in asking your customer what they want from their special day. It depends on whether they're the openly flamboyant type of person or not. The only shall we say, "anthems" I have for this weekend's wedding are I Am What I Am by Gloria Gaynor. and Why by Bronski Beat as a mark of respect for those who died over in the USA last week...everything else is a mix of 70s,80s and 90s. If they are into the type of music traditionally associated with gay bars, then Donna Summer, Kylie Minogue, Abba, Bronski Beat and the Communards spring to mind.

    As for classic funk....big genre:
    • SuperFreak
    • Get Down On It
    • Car Wash
    • FunkyTown
    • Superstition


    Hope that didn't come across as too harsh....it wasn't meant to be but from your post you seem to be getting hung up a little bit on the fact that it's a same sex marriage.
    What I'm desperately trying to get across is that you should treat it just like any other wedding, enjoy the evening and most importantly of all, TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMER.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imagine View Post
    In that case - welcome back to the world of weddings

    Sound-wise. I tend to play to fill the floor in a marquee personally (much like any other gig). Not everyone in attendance will want to be deafened by thumping beats (nature of the beast with weddings is that you'll possibly have older relations, relations who haven't seen each other in a while and just want to chill and chat). The Yammy's should cope with that more than amicably (I've had my DXR15's out on their own in marquees before now with no problems). That said, I'd have been inclined to put 15" subs under 12" tops but each to their own. You'll at least be getting some sort of thud at floor level and something overhead.
    I would generally have preferred 15"s subs too but storing them and transporting them would be awkward so I opted for a pair of 12"s instead. Tomorrow will be there first run out so I'm interested to see how they cope.

    Quote Originally Posted by Imagine View Post
    Hope that didn't come across as too harsh....it wasn't meant to be but from your post you seem to be getting hung up a little bit on the fact that it's a same sex marriage.
    I don't think you came across as harsh at all so no need to worry on that score. I wouldn't say I am particularly hung up on the same-sex aspect though. I'm just eager to do as good a job on this one as I would on any other wedding and I wasn't sure if there might be some kind of accepted convention that I wasn't aware of. Its an agency job so I might just have to wing it unless I can collar one or both of the grooms on the night for a quick chat about it. I'm actually hoping it might be a bit on the flamboyant side because it will probably make for a more enjoyable night!

    Thanks Steven and DJ Colsie. I think I have some good suggestions for the funk tracks to use now and it's always good to get different peoples' takes on how to approach things. I have got another pair of decent 12"s I could use as you suggested but the wedding is in a really small North Yorkshire village and I've been told parking could be an issue if I take my van. Unfortunately that means I'm restricted to what I can squeeze into my car. I think I've figured out how to get my 12" subs and 12" speakers in along with my stand, lights etc but I don't see any way of me squeezing in another pair of 12" actives.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Casual77 View Post
    I don't think you came across as harsh at all so no need to worry on that score. I wouldn't say I am particularly hung up on the same-sex aspect though. I'm just eager to do as good a job on this one as I would on any other wedding and I wasn't sure if there might be some kind of accepted convention that I wasn't aware of.
    Phew!
    Sorry - I'd been arguing with some idiot on another forum earlier who's getting in a real knot over doing a same sex wedding and hadn't quite calmed down from that. Give some people a laptop and a set of Mapin lights.....

    All you can do is your best (unlike the aforementioned buffoon who was determined to turn the one he's doing into some sort of Village People reunion by the sounds of it). Convention-wise as I mentioned, there aren't any that I know of (and I've done a few of them now). Because same sex weddings are new and different, there hasn't been any sort of trend/tradition set yet that I've seen. They all add their own touches to the day (much the same as a heterosexual couple) to make it unique to them. At the end of the day....it's a wedding

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual77 View Post
    I'm actually hoping it might be a bit on the flamboyant side because it will probably make for a more enjoyable night!
    Don't worry - they're normally enjoyable
    You'll find they have a lot less inhibitions and will actually dance.

    Because you aren't necessarily going to know what sort of night it's going to be though due to it being an agency job....have a look at this linky for a little inspiration in case it does turn into a Pride sort of night.

    Whatever way it goes though.....enjoy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Imagine View Post
    Give some people a laptop and a set of Mapin lights.....
    Something you wanna say?





















































































































































































































































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    Quote Originally Posted by Imagine View Post
    Phew!

    Because you aren't necessarily going to know what sort of night it's going to be though due to it being an agency job....have a look at this linky for a little inspiration in case it does turn into a Pride sort of night.
    There are actually some really good songs on that list that I would be happy to play without feeling as though I was 'camping' it up too much. I think I might stop short of playing 'Gay Bar' though just to be on the safe side!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Casual77 View Post
    There are actually some really good songs on that list that I would be happy to play without feeling as though I was 'camping' it up too much. I think I might stop short of playing 'Gay Bar' though just to be on the safe side!
    I've heard 'Gay Bar' played in gay bars (the music is STILL generally better there ). Nowt wrong with that. Every time I've been there when it played, the reactions to "YOU! I've got something to put in you" were priceless. If you feel you can, do I say. I've done 2 male gay weddings (both complete surprises to me, which should be no surprise knowing the places I've worked), and felt the crowd would accept 'Gay Bar' at one of them. Don't push your luck though.

    As for introductions - it's safest to go with first names. My first gay wedding was completely on the hoof - infact I didn't even know it was a gay wedding til I saw them gather for the first dance (this was one of the infamous walkin balcony gigs)! All the DM had told me was the first names of the couple - and it was Joe (which I took to be Jo) and another man's name. I even almost completely fluffed it by starting to say "adam and"... which I remember turning around saying "Steve? no, they were LAST WEEK". Jees, if a hole had opened up I'd have jumped straight into it. I think the (slight) joke just about saved me. Where did the 'Adam' come from? I was a fan of 'Adam & Joe' on the tellybox. But I digress... Definitely ask the customer.

    Regarding sound - I've always been of the opinion that it should be audible everywhere if possible, but only loud near & on the dancefloor. The biggest criticism I hear from customers about other discos they've seen after 'the music was crap' and 'they ignored requests' is 'it was way too loud from the start'.

    Wherever you get broad genre definitions.. ask them to clarify them. One man's classic is another man's dirge.

    I've been known to get lists chock-a-block with slow song requests which is why I now ask people to suggest music they like to DANCE to. Throwing a few slow ones in is fine, but even as background music some tracks can be mood killers. Ask! Are you working FOR or working WITH the customer? Right now I'm stuck mostly in the former category :/

    EDIT: BTW the two 'gay' weddings I've played couldn't have been any more different musically. I actually really loved the music as much as the reactions to it at the first one. Gender preferences aside, they're still people - and people's tastes vary all over the place. One thing common to both though, which I wish would transfer to more 'straight' weddings is both crowds were very much what I would call up for it.
    Last edited by Nakatomi; 17-06-2016 at 05:53 PM.

  10. #10
    Shakermaker Promotions's Avatar
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    1. A few of the weddings are large marquee affairs with 200+ people (well that's large by my usual standards). I've just invested in a couple of 12" subs to help out my Yamaha 12" tops so hopefully they will sound ok but from a volume perspective, should I be aiming to play to the dancefloor or the whole marquee?

    If they are 200+ gigs like you've said then you'll need a beefier sound and the subs will help but don't worry about playing to the whole marquee (in my opinion), just make sure the dance floor is rocking. If people want the whole surround sound experience then you'll need to link speakers around the marquee and charge for it!

    2. I've been given an extensive list of suggested songs (which I have no problems with per se). The only issue is that there seems to be a significant proportion of slow songs many of which I wouldn't normally play (Holding Back the Years by Simply Red, anyone?). I can obviously get away with playing a selection of slower songs at some point during the night but maybe only about half a dozen or so. So the question is.... should I try to slip a few of them into the background music early on or would I be better to just drop them from the set completely?
    I always try to do this in the background music time of the night. I look for those more down tempo tracks and play them at the beginning. I think it creates a nice atmosphere. For example: If I see something like Goo Goo Dolls - Iris on the list and I know it's not going to be a floor filler or something for later on, I will play it early on. It works for me.

    3. My next wedding is my first gay wedding (two grooms). I will have to announce the first dance and I was wondering what the accepted alternative to 'bride and groom' is? Or should I avoid generic terms?
    TALK to them! Arrange a meeting if it's not something you normally do and NEVER take anything for granted. I did a same sex wedding a couple of weeks ago for 2 women. I asked them how they'd like to be announced and they said "The Brides"...whereas last year I did the same thing and they wanted to be announced as "Mrs & Mrs". Best thing to do is arrange a meeting and find out what they want because it will matter a big deal to them and you need to get it right!

    4. I've been given a few genres to guide me but are there any specific songs which might be considered 'must plays' at a gay wedding? Is it politically appropriate for me to even ask that?
    I haven't looked at any of the previous replies to your thread but I would say definitely DO NOT STEREOTYPE them. I used to do LGBT nights regularly and one of the first things I learnt was not to stereotype. YES, there ARE some that like the typical Kylie / Madonna / Lady Gaga stuff but again, ASK them what they want. Don't go in there thinking "I know, I'll play something like Erasure - A Little Respect", let them come to you and again, get ideas from the couple beforehand. I was stumped early on when I was doing the regular nights as a lot of them liked the full on Ibiza dance stuff which isn't / wasn't my scene at all.

    5. One of the genres suggested is 'Classic Funk'. Can anyone point me in the direction of a few classic songs which would fall into this genre as a starting point. I'm sure I will know a lot of the bigger songs but can't put my finger on what they would be at the moment.
    I'd point you in the direction of the Top 10 lists on this very forum. I'd also advise looking online at the compilations. The cheap ones usually have obscure stuff on them.

    I'm sure there will be some more when I think about it but they will do for starters. As always any help will be greatly appreciated!

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