You're in the wrong place here then, sonny. 45 years here, and I'm still making it up as I go along.
JOKE, before any snowflakes take umbrage.
Disclaimer: The snowflake bit was a joke too, as I believe I'm not supposed to say Snowflakes.
Nice one Vinny, well done that man. I reckon there are a few ways round this problem. Your intended solution seems workable and elegant enough.