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Thread: What music if any, is inappropriate for weddings

  1. #11
    Jim - Scotland's Party DJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shakermaker Promotions View Post
    I agree to some extent that the customer paying should get what they want, however I would always try and advise them in a pre-gig meeting following years of experience and witnessing what sticking to what THEY want (and not taking their guests tastes into consideration), can result in.

    Luckily (for me anyway), most of the Brides and Grooms I dealt with DID take their guests tastes into consideration. I can probably count on one hand the number of times when a couple (or one of them), were adamant that I stick to what they wanted and tough luck for everybody else.

    The main one that sticks out was well over 10 years ago and the theme was medieval. Everything looked the dogs doo dah's, the venue, the set up, the way the Bride & Groom and the majority of their guests were dressed etc etc.... Beforehand you would have said it will be a cracker. However......Out of probably 150 people attending, the Bride and 3 of her bridesmaids and a couple of other guests were intent on having multiple Metallica and Megadeth songs alternated so that they could headbang. The first dance was Metallica's 'Nothing Else Matters' (not the first time it had been chosen as a first dance), and it went down well, but after that the dance floor cleared and it was unbelievably embarrassing for me for starters. I had guests coming up to me asking what the hell I was playing. All I could do was be honest and say it was what the Bride wanted.

    As said elsewhere, she was challenged too by one of the guests and swiftly told where to go.
    It got to one point in the night and I'll be honest (not that it should have bothered me, but I wanted it to work), I got sick of telling angry guests that I was playing what the Bride wanted. I remember the Groom coming over and asking if I wanted a drink. I remember saying to him, What I want is for your guests to stop hassling me. In the end I told him that if he didn't want people leaving early and the reception to be a wash out, he'd have to have a word with his Bride and tell her to let me play some of the guests request. I watched him go over to her and her bridesmaids whilst they were headbanging. I saw the look of disgust on her face. I saw her neck her drink in one gulp and then storm off the dance floor, her bridesmaids in tow.

    Funny though eh, within minutes of the music changing, the dance floor was packed and stayed like it for the rest of the night. I think the damage had been done anyway, but I did my best to give them a good time. When the Bride contacted me a week or so after with her feedback, she actually said that she was slightly disappointed that I didn't play many of her requests. I had actually played every single one of them plus a couple of extras, hence why the night was rapidly going downhill. If I'd not said anything to the Groom, I would have no doubt had to put up with a whole venue full of anger and boredom.....

    I don't mind playing anything, it doesn't bother me too much, but I hate standing there and people thinking that the reason they are sitting there bored with a couple of people on the dance floor is my fault, when it isn't. They are entitled to waste their money if they want, but I'll always try to advise them. If they don't want to listen then what can you do?

    ....and lastly, being more into the Indie / Rock / Alternative side of things myself, I really didn't mind playing their requests. The thing is, it isn't about what I / We like is it, I put my wedding DJ head on and looked around the room. I didn't mind hearing Disturbed - Down With The Sickness...great track, but the older guests and most of the 'too cool for school' wannabe's hated it.

    Apologies for the long reply, I got a bit carried away there!
    She just sounds like a complete arse. Not all bridezillas have pink glittery nails and want to ride into the church on a unicorn...

    With reference to Glitter - not a ing chance I would play his stuff. I cringe whenever the b or g request Michael Jackson and that's the only time I play it now and only because there's enough ambiguity about his guilt (to some, not to me) but Glitter and R Kelly?

    Might seem like overreacting to it but a. I work with some of the most vulnerable children about here, many of whom have, currently are or sadly will be sexually abuse and b. you never know who is in the audience - this goes on EVERYWHERE, do you really want to be playing a known paedophiles song with 150+ people, any of whom could potentially have been abused? I know I don't.

  2. #12
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    Gary, don't apologise. Your posts are always a good read, so keep typing.

    Jim, I understand your stance completely, and can't say a word against it. Well done that man.
    Excalibur. Older than the average DJ.

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  3. #13
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    What's inappropriate for weddings? Just about everything I've played today!
    Excalibur. Older than the average DJ.

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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim - Scotland's Party DJ View Post
    She just sounds like a complete arse. Not all bridezillas have pink glittery nails and want to ride into the church on a unicorn...

    With reference to Glitter - not a ing chance I would play his stuff. I cringe whenever the b or g request Michael Jackson and that's the only time I play it now and only because there's enough ambiguity about his guilt (to some, not to me) but Glitter and R Kelly?

    Might seem like overreacting to it but a. I work with some of the most vulnerable children about here, many of whom have, currently are or sadly will be sexually abuse and b. you never know who is in the audience - this goes on EVERYWHERE, do you really want to be playing a known paedophiles song with 150+ people, any of whom could potentially have been abused? I know I don't.
    Add lostprophets to that list. I Still play MJ when asked. Even R Kelly when asked by the B & G. its a shame it's not easy to seperate the man from the music.

    Glitter, No chance.
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  5. #15
    Shakermaker Promotions's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim - Scotland's Party DJ View Post
    She just sounds like a complete arse. Not all bridezillas have pink glittery nails and want to ride into the church on a unicorn...
    Believe it or not, when we met in advance of the wedding, she was very nice. She also appeared to be listening (and agreeing) with what I was saying about taking their guests music tastes into consideration. When she started listing the bands she wanted me to play, I was encouraged into thinking that there may be a whole bunch of people attending who were into the same genre (I was wrong). We even agreed at that meeting to get the cheesiness and usual wedding fodder out of the way in the first few hours and then give it a kind of rockier alternative club atmosphere during the last 90 minutes.

    That may have (probably would have) worked, but she moved the goalposts and changed her mind and wanted me to go straight into it all after the first dances. I hate being told what to do, especially when I know best (no ego intended). As I said, I also hate standing there with all eyes on me, looking at me in disgust because I am responsible for the music that is coming out of the speakers that is so far away from what they like, it's unbelievable. The number of times I have just wanted to get on that microphone and tell everybody the score - "Look you lot, with your faces like thunder. I am playing what the Bride wants to hear. If she had any sense, she would let me play some of your requests, sadly she doesn't have any sense. She may look absolutely gorgeous (and she was), but as she's just told me....she's the one that's paying me and what she says goes. So ladies and gents, she more or less doesn't give a toss whether you like it or not. You can either sit there and grin and bear it or you can try and enjoy yourselves or you can just leave, I am sure she won't even notice!!!".

    Blimey, if only eh!
    I would love to have done that on so many occasions. When the hours standing there just feel like seconds and it's the longest night ever. When thinking "It could be worse" just doesn't cut it anymore.

    It's easy to look back and laugh at it now, but it was far from that back then. I just wanted to stop, pack everything up and leave them to it.................. I didn't though, obviously.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shakermaker Promotions View Post
    As I said, I also hate standing there with all eyes on me, looking at me in disgust because I am responsible for the music that is coming out of the speakers that is so far away from what they like, it's unbelievable.
    There have been a few occasions when standing behind the booth has become that uncomfortable when I've picked up a radio mic for announcements and resorted to using the VDJ remote app from a hidden location...

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  7. #17
    Jim - Scotland's Party DJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shakermaker Promotions View Post
    Believe it or not, when we met in advance of the wedding, she was very nice. She also appeared to be listening (and agreeing) with what I was saying about taking their guests music tastes into consideration. When she started listing the bands she wanted me to play, I was encouraged into thinking that there may be a whole bunch of people attending who were into the same genre (I was wrong). We even agreed at that meeting to get the cheesiness and usual wedding fodder out of the way in the first few hours and then give it a kind of rockier alternative club atmosphere during the last 90 minutes.

    That may have (probably would have) worked, but she moved the goalposts and changed her mind and wanted me to go straight into it all after the first dances. I hate being told what to do, especially when I know best (no ego intended). As I said, I also hate standing there with all eyes on me, looking at me in disgust because I am responsible for the music that is coming out of the speakers that is so far away from what they like, it's unbelievable. The number of times I have just wanted to get on that microphone and tell everybody the score - "Look you lot, with your faces like thunder. I am playing what the Bride wants to hear. If she had any sense, she would let me play some of your requests, sadly she doesn't have any sense. She may look absolutely gorgeous (and she was), but as she's just told me....she's the one that's paying me and what she says goes. So ladies and gents, she more or less doesn't give a toss whether you like it or not. You can either sit there and grin and bear it or you can try and enjoy yourselves or you can just leave, I am sure she won't even notice!!!".

    Blimey, if only eh!
    I would love to have done that on so many occasions. When the hours standing there just feel like seconds and it's the longest night ever. When thinking "It could be worse" just doesn't cut it anymore.

    It's easy to look back and laugh at it now, but it was far from that back then. I just wanted to stop, pack everything up and leave them to it.................. I didn't though, obviously.
    100% in agreement but I like to mitigate that by cracking out with something like:

    Just a heads up folks, the following tunes are specially selected by B & G, or as I like to call them, the people who have fed and watered you all day. They're not going to be everyone's cup of tea but it's their big day and if you've got a problem with the tunes, come and whine to me, not them.


    It lets people know that it's not my music (my main consideration) and most people won't come up and moan at that point.

  8. #18
    Dinosaur Excalibur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shakermaker Promotions View Post
    As I said, I also hate standing there with all eyes on me, looking at me in disgust because I am responsible for the music that is coming out of the speakers that is so far away from what they like, it's unbelievable.
    And yesterday, I was in exactly that position, except............................................


    the guests all loved it to bits, and kept coming up to say what an awesome DJ I was! Sometimes, the bride is totally in tune with her guests. In your case Gary, obviously not.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jim - Scotland's Party DJ View Post
    100% in agreement but I like to mitigate that by cracking out with something like:

    Just a heads up folks, the following tunes are specially selected by B & G, or as I like to call them, the people who have fed and watered you all day. They're not going to be everyone's cup of tea but it's their big day and if you've got a problem with the tunes, come and whine to me, not them.


    It lets people know that it's not my music (my main consideration) and most people won't come up and moan at that point.
    An interesting ploy, Jim. Not exactly my policy, but not diametrically opposed, either.
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  9. #19
    Shakermaker Promotions's Avatar
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    Oh, believe me.....it didn't take me long after that episode to make sure that I told everybody in no certain terms that I was playing music selected by the Bride & Groom and their guests, shifting any blame and getting the excuses out of the way as quickly as possible.

    Remember, this particular scenario was well over 10 years ago.
    After that I used to try and get everybody's attention early on by making an announcement. I'd also do it again just before I was about to announce the first dance(s) or cake cutting, hoping that the majority would hear me. I tried to make myself sound as clear as possible. I attended a friends wedding a couple of weeks ago and the DJ had total silence from everybody as he made the announcement of the first dance..... the problem was, he STILL sounded muffled and not many of us could understand a word he was saying.

    What I used to say was along the lines of "Good evening ladies & gents. I hope you have enjoyed celebrating (insert couples names) big day today. Before we go any further, can we have a massive round of applause for the happy couple (hopefully, lots of cheering and clapping follows) - My name is Gary and I'll be with you until Midnight. I have a great list of requests from the Bride & Groom and also you lot so hopefully there is something in there for everybody. If you have any music requests, please come over and see me"...... I would then go on to the usual first dance announcements etc....

    I had it pretty much under control following the scenario I have mentioned and didn't really have any issues after that. Of course, there were still occasions where guests would still question what was playing, probably because they never heard my announcements. It's sad to say really, but there were a number of occasions where a guest would come over (usually female), and ask for something that I'd been told not to play for whatever reason. They'd argue the toss as if it was the most important thing in their lives and would spoil their evening if I didn't play it.
    It was comical (to me). They would often say "I'll go and have a word with the Bride" and I would find myself saying "They don't want to hear that for a reason. Don't hassle them on their big day"... Sometimes they'd take the advice, sometimes they wouldn't and they'd go off to the Bride and it would be awkward. Sometimes the Bride would give in and let them have their 3 minutes of joy, but I always had a little grin on my face when the Bride stuck to her guns and we'd give each other the thumbs up.

  10. #20
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    Inappropriate music for weddings - I try and avoid any explicit material.
    Even if it is accepted by wedding guests, I bear in mind the venue I am working in, any guests staying that are not part of the wedding and even that one guest who may find it offensive.

    One query - in Paris must be one of my most requested songs, I try to avoid playing. Would you play it or not ?

    Mod Note: It is against the rules to substitute asterisks to avoid the Forum Censor. It also annoys crabby old mods when you don't spell the song title correctly,Chris.

    Excalibur, Forum Jobsworth, and grumpy with it.
    Last edited by Excalibur; 09-08-2019 at 11:37 AM.

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