Witty DJ-comebacks...

[PropellerHeadCase]

Was just re-reading some of the "Stupid Things People Say at Gigs..." thread and wondered if maybe we could make a bit of a game out of coming up with witty retorts, rejoinders, comebacks and one-liners...

To kick it off (and steal one from said thread)...

[With FULL dancefloor] "Come on, play something we can dance to!"


"No, it's OK, I'm happy playing stuff THEY can dance to!"

[spin mobile disco]

Certainly sir one waltz coming up, seen come dancing this week?

[Dragonfly]

spotty 18 year old chav "alright got any rap mate"

"certainly my friend 2 songs time"

in 2 songs time ........................................... vanilla ice for that lad there who would like some rap.

[PropellerHeadCase]

spotty 18 year old chav "alright got any rap mate"

Yes, I have, thanks.

[Tom]

"mr dj, can i have some cheese.

Yes sure, the buffet is right over there, they have quite a large selection this evening"

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I thought this thread was about 'witty' DJ comebacks?

[PropellerHeadCase]

Go on, then, Darren.

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Go on, then, Darren.

I use them a lot, but I don't keep record of them.

Spontaneous is the word.

[A1DL]

spotty 18 year old chav "alright got any rap mate"



No, but I've got some zit cream, innit!! :D :D

[Shakermaker Promotions]

This one happened at a christmas party :
Drunk Girl - "Excuse me, can you play Leona Lewis again"
Me - "I've actually just played it, maybe later if it gets requested enough"
Drunk Girl - "Aww come on, I wasn't here, I was in the loo"
Me - "Well you should have just had a wee and not a poo and then you would have been here to hear it!!"

Luckily, she laughed.

Then there is this one from the year before:

Drunk Managing Director of the company at yet another christmas party borrows my mic for a speech and tries to be-little me near the end by saying words to the effect of :
"...I hope everyone has a great time tonight dancing to our little friend here Mr DJ's tunes...thankyou!"
My Reply (luckily I got away with this one)
"...Can we have a round of applause for our MC please...it's quite hard talking to an audience on the mic if you haven't done it before, especially if your colostomy bag is leaking"

Yes, dodgy I know but they were a mad crowd on that night and everyone was in hysterics..especially the guy I said it about. It's all about reading the situation and I got it right.

Finally...

Drunk guest with attitude at a 40th birthday last June -
"..Oi mate..can you play some Oasis?" (I was playing at the time!)
Me - "Sorry mate but THIS IS Oasis!"
Drunk guest - "Yeh mate but I didn't mean this one!"
Me - "I'm not Derren Brown mate, how am I supposed to know which one you want when you've only just come up to me?"
Drunk guest - "Who?"

[Candybeatdiscos]

nice reply daz lol

[PropellerHeadCase]

Personally, if I come up with a good one (yes, spontaneously) I tend to remember it ;)

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Personally, if I come up with a good one (yes, spontaneously) I tend to remember it ;)

You must have a very good memory then. I can't remember what I said at a gig 10 days ago, let alone 10 years ago.

[PropellerHeadCase]

I just have a good memory for trivia - and you can't get too much more trivial than put-downs for drunks ;)

[sleah]

You must have a very good memory then. I can't remember what I said at a gig 10 days ago, let alone 10 years ago.

I can't remember what I said 10 minutes ago!:D

[Penfold42]

Who said that....:D

[rob1963]

I like your new avatar, Tony.

You're looking a lot meaner than when you came to my quiz night...






...not to mention a different colour!

:D

[Penfold42]

I like your new avatar, Tony.

You're looking a lot meaner than when you came to my quiz night...






...not to mention a different colour!

:D

Don't forget slimmer......:p

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I like your new avatar, Tony.

You're looking a lot meaner than when you came to my quiz night...






...not to mention a different colour!

:D

Was he green then? :p

[rob1963]

Don't forget slimmer......:p

Absolutely!!!


Was he green then? :p

Errr...only when it comes to running quiz nights!

[sleah]

Does "Just :Censored: off" pass as a witty come back?
or turning to the doorman next to me as the punter walks away and say ":Censored:ing :Censored: up t:Censored: " count?

Or am I getting old and grumpy ....:D :evelgrin:

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Or am I getting old and grumpy ....:D :evelgrin:

Nope, you're already there by the sounds of it :sj:

[Penfold42]

Does "Just :Censored: off" pass as a witty come back?
or turning to the doorman next to me as the punter walks away and say ":Censored:ing :Censored: up t:Censored: " count?

Or am I getting old and grumpy ....:D :evelgrin:

LMFAO.........very funny...:D

[sleah]

Nope, you're already there by the sounds of it :sj:

Didn't realise we'd met, Daz?:D

I'm actually rubish at the witty DJ stuff so I'll stick to being grumpy for now:( Bah, Humbug:ner:

Ooooo nearly at 1k

<<<<< 998 :cool:

[Dragonfly]

Ooooo nearly at 1k

<<<<< 998 :cool:

pardon could you repeat that please ;) :D :D :D

[Penfold42]

Ooooo nearly at 1k

<<<<< 998 :cool:

Amateur.....:p

[rob1963]

Ooooo nearly at 1k

<<<<< 998 :cool:

sleah,

Did you know that after 1,000 posts you receive a cash award of £25 as a thank you for your dedication to the forum?

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

sleah,

Did you know that after 1,000 posts you receive a cash award of £25 as a thank you for your dedication to the forum?

You do????? :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Dragonfly]

sleah,

Did you know that after 1,000 posts you receive a cash award of £25 as a thank you for your dedication to the forum?

from rob :D :D :D :D

back on topic , my good lady once told a chap who said he didn't want to pay the quoted price that for 100 quid he could have a tape deck and some fairy lights ..... very unfunny at the time i cringed ..... but he booked .... at the quoted price.

[rob1963]

for 100 quid he could have a tape deck and some fairy lights .....

What if he wasn't a fairy though?

:p

[PropellerHeadCase]

No, I think it was Fairy-Nuff ;)

[robbiedj]

I confused a young fellow when he came up and asked "Can I look at your cds?"

I replied "Yes, of course. Now, let's see. I'm out all day tomorrow, but you could come over Sunday afternoon. They're in the cupboard under the stairs."

Then he realised I was using a laptop.

[PropellerHeadCase]

Heh-heh - nice.

[Penfold42]

I confused a young fellow when he came up and asked "Can I look at your cds?"

I replied "Yes, of course. Now, let's see. I'm out all day tomorrow, but you could come over Sunday afternoon. They're in the cupboard under the stairs."

Then he realised I was using a laptop.

:lol:

[PropellerHeadCase]

A women came up to me tonight at the end of the night and said, "You didn't do Elvis!", so in my best Southern drawl I said, "Thankyou verry muuch!" :D