Kids eh

[Candybeatdiscos]

you find out interesting things when you have sons, like:-

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bed semi detached house to a depth of 10 cm.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.

5. You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.

15. VCR's do not eject 'BLT' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Dunfermline, Fife, has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

[Adam_F]

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.


..... <is off to the garage> ..... :whistle:

[leighinstoke]

Few other things - I offer these from, well, ermmmmm, hard learnt experience.

Wrapped match heads in tin foil then heating up the tin foil to make them shoot across the hearth-rug is fun.

Explaining to your parents or grandparents what the burn mark on the rug is hurts.

Holding a piece of wood into a metal brazier gets a nice 'torch' like you see on cowboy films.

Holding a piece of metal into a metal brazier doesn't half hurt your fingers after a while.

When using a magnifying glass to start fires or burn ants, the same heat does hurt your fingers when you try focussing the small white dot on them.

Burning flesh smells like meat cooking, especially when trying to solder when you've not been taught how to do it properly.

No matter how often your friends getaway with buying cigarettes/fireworks/beer/etc, you will be the one who's parents get told.

Don't ever throw an old jamjar of paint you find in your late grandfather's shed across your neighbours gardens to eventually smash on a concrete drive, especially if the paint is the exact same colour as your grandparent's front door.

When told "if you go walking down by the canal, don't jump the locks like your Uncle Bob used to" - you know that you just have to have a go, even though an empty lock can be over 25 feet deep!

WD40, when lit, does travel a long way. So do most things with butane, etc, inside the can.

Wasps will chase you. The more you :Censored: them off, the more you will get chasing you.

Parents have very long memories.

When being told "don't light a coal fire", especially when the backboiler could be empty and blow the house up, and being caught doing so, expect to get a good hiding later.

"If you go fishing, can you make sure you put your unused maggots in the canal afterwards". This is a very wise piece of advice from my grandmother, but only a few days after she spent hours removing young blue-bottles from her kitchen, using umpteen cans of Floret and eventually finding a margarine tub of maggots I'd left under her sink from the weekend.

Never lie that you've not been playing with petrol or paraffin. The smell stays on your hands a lot longer than the fire burnt!

Never trade your bike with anyone. Especially with kids of families that yours dislikes. Un-doing bike trade contracts aren't always easy, especially when you've painted the bike silver.

Parents and grandparents DO discover when you've added things to the account at the local shop.

The soles of rubber wellies melt quite well, especially when walking amongst the burning embers of the previous night's bonfire.

I can honestly say that I've done everything above. And yes, I've told my children not to do them as I survived despite my own stupidity.

Leigh.....

[Corabar Steve]

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
I'm in the 20% then, because I already know this works. (it is however, quite toxic & should not be tried in a confined space)

[Tom]

I'm in the 20% then, because I already know this works. (it is however, quite toxic & should not be tried in a confined space)

Cough, Cough.........Now you tell me. :D:D:D