Excalibur
14-12-2009, 07:10 PM
Our hero has recently been doing Missionary work Down South, and on returning to Lincolnshire felt he had earned a couple of pints of Batemans. (Salem Porter, if he had any taste). Some of his mates were in the pub, and Tony regaled them with awesome tales of how brilliantly he'd performed, and other such news. This went on for a long time, with Tony's mates buying the intrepid traveller drinks, as they sat enthralled at his stories. Unfortunately, our hero had perhaps consumed one too many pints before he commenced his homeward journey. :( :( :(
The following morning, he awoke with a mouth like the bottom of a Budgies cage, and massed ranks of navvies with kango hammers drilling for oil in his skull. :eek: "Oh :Censored: " he thought. " When the wife gets hold of me, I'll be lucky to hang onto that which I hold dear" Then as the mists cleared from his eyes, he spies a glass of Alka Seltzer fizzing at the side of the bed, two heavy duty painkillers beside it. Next to the note which says "Tony I love you, just gone to Tesco to get some finest sausages for your breakfast. "
Bemused, he heads downstairs, where he can smell the good coffee percolating, and toast and marmalade laid out for him. The hallway looks like a tornado has been through, the mirror's smashed, the dog's tied in the garden, and Tony asks milky Way : " Blimey mate, looks like I had a couple of drinks last night! Why isn't your Mum angry at me? " :confused: :confused:
"Well Dad, you came in, slammed the door, smashed the mirror Grandma gave Mum, trod on the dog, threw your chili kebab in the air, and the dog ate it and was promptly sick! Me and Mum managed to drag you upstairs, breaking four spindles in the bannisters on the way."
Tony can't believe that he's still alive at this point, and also still attached to his wedding tackle! :eek: :eek: :confused: :confused: Until the explanation comes. ;) ;) ;)
" And apparently, Mum tried to take your trousers off to get you into bed, and you said" :
" Thanks sweetheart, you're very pretty, and I'm really flattered, but sorry I'm married".
The following morning, he awoke with a mouth like the bottom of a Budgies cage, and massed ranks of navvies with kango hammers drilling for oil in his skull. :eek: "Oh :Censored: " he thought. " When the wife gets hold of me, I'll be lucky to hang onto that which I hold dear" Then as the mists cleared from his eyes, he spies a glass of Alka Seltzer fizzing at the side of the bed, two heavy duty painkillers beside it. Next to the note which says "Tony I love you, just gone to Tesco to get some finest sausages for your breakfast. "
Bemused, he heads downstairs, where he can smell the good coffee percolating, and toast and marmalade laid out for him. The hallway looks like a tornado has been through, the mirror's smashed, the dog's tied in the garden, and Tony asks milky Way : " Blimey mate, looks like I had a couple of drinks last night! Why isn't your Mum angry at me? " :confused: :confused:
"Well Dad, you came in, slammed the door, smashed the mirror Grandma gave Mum, trod on the dog, threw your chili kebab in the air, and the dog ate it and was promptly sick! Me and Mum managed to drag you upstairs, breaking four spindles in the bannisters on the way."
Tony can't believe that he's still alive at this point, and also still attached to his wedding tackle! :eek: :eek: :confused: :confused: Until the explanation comes. ;) ;) ;)
" And apparently, Mum tried to take your trousers off to get you into bed, and you said" :
" Thanks sweetheart, you're very pretty, and I'm really flattered, but sorry I'm married".