A death at last nights wedding

[soundmaster mobile disco]

Well last nights wedding was eventful.I eventually got the first dance underway at around 8.30ish,got most guests to join in by around the 3rd dance.then just at the table to my right,the brides uncle falls of his seat.

It was like a scene from the tv series casualty,because the bride is a nurse,some of her friends from work were also there,so they all knew what to do.they tried to resusitate him,but sadly this did not work.

I did not know what to say or do,so i just turned the music of.after things had settled down i spoke to the bride and groom ,they both said to carry on as normal.In the end it turned out to be a great success with everyone enjoying themselves.

[Excalibur]

Good grief, that's a really terrible way to start a function! :( I'm glad it's never happened to me, and I think you did the only thing possible under the circumstances.


The nearest thing like that for me was when I went to do a wedding near Selby, and as I was setting up, the staff informed me that the best man had beeen taken to hospital in an ambulance after drinking himself unconscious, and I had zero chance of getting a party going.

Fortunately, I did get the place dancing, and near the end, the place erupted when the groom returned, to tumultuous applause.

[djdave01]

Shocking start to a party gary, glad it went well afterwords though.

only medical issue ive had was a drunk man falling down some steps and breaking his leg years ago.

[ian8limelight]

What an awful way to start a function. Again it has never happened to me but you did what you felt was right and that was appropriate IMO.

[yourdj]

No the best start to an evenings entertainment. I suppose at least the bloke had a last day.
Better than dying on your own after an argument or something.
Nice the bride said to carry on. i suppose being a nurse she is used to that. Some brides would freak out I would imagine and go in shock. :(

[Charlie Brown]

I'm surprised they asked you to carry on!?

I couldn't enjoy myself and drink knowing that my uncle had just died in the same room.

Really odd IMO.

[Mark Wild]

I'm surprised they asked you to carry on!?

I couldn't enjoy myself and drink knowing that my uncle had just died in the same room.

Really odd IMO.

I totally agree, a bit strange.

[mike8863]

I totally agree, a bit strange.

That is weird, irrespective of what relation if any the person was, and even though it was a wedding, it's still weird to carry on to me......

[Ecstatic Events]

I am very surprised the Bride decided that the show must go on??? I personally dont think I could deliver a decent "disco" after something like that happening.

I cant imagine what it must of been like for you.

P.S Everyone enjoying themselves towards the end of the night? WTF?

[JTRS]

I am very surprised the Bride decided that the show must go on??? I personally dont think I could deliver a decent "disco" after something like that happening.

I cant imagine what it must of been like for you.

P.S Everyone enjoying themselves towards the end of the night? WTF?

Without trying to sound callous I don't see how the death of someone unknown to the DJ would have or should have an effect on the DJ's ability to deliver a decent disco.

The person who died was a guest, and whilst other guests will have all known him to a greater or lesser degree, the DJ had no emotional ties to him, and whilst it was a very unfortunate thing to happen, it really doesn't impact on the DJ.

As for the bride, she was related to him, she knew him well, maybe she asked for the event to carry on because she knew that that is what he would have wanted to happen, or maybe because she is a nurse she is just very pragmatic about death and made her decision based on that. Stopping the evening there and then would have achieved what exactly (given my earlier comment about maybe that is what the deceased person would never have wanted to happen).

Speaking as a DJ, if I was at a function and something like that happened then I am reasonably sure that I could deliver the same level of service that I always do, however, how that would be perceived by the guests is an entirely different matter and something that is totally out of my control.

JTRS

[WWDJ]

I could have probably carried on, but I would have been very wary of my playlist in case there was anything insensitive in there.

A similar thing happened when we were on holiday at pontins once, a guy just keeled and died. They carried on in the end but it did put a dampener on proceedings (as you would expect)

[wensleydale]

Little strange to be honest, but I guess it's their choice...

[STEVE HANLEY]

I did an engagement party earlier this year (Andy Deltic Neen was there helping me out) when a young kid 11 or 12 collapsed on the dancefloor.

After a couple of minutes probably less. Andy and I could see that this was serious.

There were a lot of people around him. So we switched the music off and got the staff to switch the house lights on. The paramedics were there within minutes of the phone call.

A good 20 minutes passed when the paramedics eventually got him on to a stretcher and took him and his parents away. I asked the couple whose engagement it was that it was their call I.E Do we carry on? They were adamant that the party should continue, but maybe announce the buffet now. It was only about 8:30pm.

After the buffet I announced that our thoughts were with the young lad and his parents and that it was agreed we should continue.

Turned out to be a superb night

[wensleydale]

I did an engagement party earlier this year (Andy Deltic Neen was there helping me out) when a young kid 11 or 12 collapsed on the dancefloor.

After a couple of minutes probably less. Andy and I could see that this was serious.

There were a lot of people around him. So we switched the music off and got the staff to switch the house lights on. The paramedics were there within minutes of the phone call.

A good 20 minutes passed when the paramedics eventually got him on to a stretcher and took him and his parents away. I asked the couple whose engagement it was that it was their call I.E Do we carry on? They were adamant that the party should continue, but maybe announce the buffet now. It was only about 8:30pm.

After the buffet I announced that our thoughts were with the young lad and his parents and that it was agreed we should continue.

Turned out to be a superb night

Yes, but probably not for the young lad.

[Mark Wild]

I did an engagement party earlier this year (Andy Deltic Neen was there helping me out) when a young kid 11 or 12 collapsed on the dancefloor.

After a couple of minutes probably less. Andy and I could see that this was serious.

There were a lot of people around him. So we switched the music off and got the staff to switch the house lights on. The paramedics were there within minutes of the phone call.

A good 20 minutes passed when the paramedics eventually got him on to a stretcher and took him and his parents away. I asked the couple whose engagement it was that it was their call I.E Do we carry on? They were adamant that the party should continue, but maybe announce the buffet now. It was only about 8:30pm.

After the buffet I announced that our thoughts were with the young lad and his parents and that it was agreed we should continue.

Turned out to be a superb night

Slightly different to someone dropping down dead I reckon.

[STEVE HANLEY]

Yes, but probably not for the young lad.

You don't say

[Ecstatic Events]

Without trying to sound callous I don't see how the death of someone unknown to the DJ would have or should have an effect on the DJ's ability to deliver a decent disco.

The person who died was a guest, and whilst other guests will have all known him to a greater or lesser degree, the DJ had no emotional ties to him, and whilst it was a very unfortunate thing to happen, it really doesn't impact on the DJ.

As for the bride, she was related to him, she knew him well, maybe she asked for the event to carry on because she knew that that is what he would have wanted to happen, or maybe because she is a nurse she is just very pragmatic about death and made her decision based on that. Stopping the evening there and then would have achieved what exactly (given my earlier comment about maybe that is what the deceased person would never have wanted to happen).

Speaking as a DJ, if I was at a function and something like that happened then I am reasonably sure that I could deliver the same level of service that I always do, however, how that would be perceived by the guests is an entirely different matter and something that is totally out of my control.

JTRS

Really???? I try to entertain at my functions. I'd be hard pushed to entertain a room that someone had just died in. I can't 100% know how I would react to a death at a gig. But I'm sure I wouldn't be at my best after such an event.

[JTRS]

Really???? I try to entertain at my functions. I'd be hard pushed to entertain a room that someone had just died in. I can't 100% know how I would react to a death at a gig. But I'm sure I wouldn't be at my best after such an event.

That's somewhat of an alien concept to me.

I, like you, am paid to entertain the audience, primarily through the choice of music provided and secondly with appropriate banter. The death of someone unknown to me wouldn't therefore affect my choice of music (with the obvious exception of any totally inappropriate song choices, but I'm experienced enough to think of suitable alternatives). If the person who had booked me wanted to carry on with the event, then that's fair enough, I'd also be a bit more thoughtful about comments and banter, but it would still be present.

Like I said in my original post, I have no control over how that would be perceived by the guests, but being pragmatic I would assume that quite a lot of the guests at the wedding were friends and possibly didn't know the uncle who had died, so, after the initial shock-horror feelings and once the alcohol kicked in then why shouldn't it have ended up been a good evening?

If I hear on the news that someone has died, be it someone famous, or just some hitherto unknown person who died in whatever circumstances, and that news breaks as I am setting off to do a gig, then that doesn't affect me or my performance, quite simply because I didn't know them, I had no emtional connection with them and their death has no impact or affect on me, and it's the same with a guest at a party. Yes it is tragic and yes it is sad, but none of that has a detrimental effect on me as a DJ.

JTRS

[Excalibur]

A thought occurs. Did all the guests actually realise that the chap concerned had passed away? It's quite possible that many of them just thought he'd merely had a turn, after all I wouldn't have expected everyone to crowd round as it unfolded.

[BeerFunk]

A thought occurs. Did all the guests actually realise that the chap concerned had passed away? It's quite possible that many of them just thought he'd merely had a turn, after all I wouldn't have expected everyone to crowd round as it unfolded.My initial thoughts were along the same lines. Was he pronounced dead at the scene when the paramedics got there? If not, he'd have been stretchered out and quite possibly people might assume he is OK - especially if the disco was restarted.

As for myself, I don't think I'd have a problem carrying on until it got to the first announcement - should the preceding tragedy be mentioned over the mic, or not?

[JTRS]

My initial thoughts were along the same lines. Was he pronounced dead at the scene when the paramedics got there? If not, he'd have been stretchered out and quite possibly people might assume he is OK - especially if the disco was restarted.

As for myself, I don't think I'd have a problem carrying on until it got to the first announcement - should the preceding tragedy be mentioned over the mic, or not?

Good point, I doubt many people seeing a guest being stretchered out would think it was a fatality.

I'd shy away from announcing it, news like that has a habit of working its way around an event, although if asked by the customer I might make a respectful announcement at the end of the event, but only if asked.

JTRS

[Excalibur]

As for myself, I don't think I'd have a problem carrying on until it got to the first announcement - should the preceding tragedy be mentioned over the mic, or not?
Idon't know. :confused: On balance, I'd think not.


Good point, I doubt many people seeing a guest being stretchered out would think it was a fatality.

I'd shy away from announcing it, news like that has a habit of working its way around an event, although if asked by the customer I might make a respectful announcement at the end of the event, but only if asked.
JTRS
Pretty much the lines I'd be thinking along.

[funkymook]

This is one of those situations that regardless of how you think (or say) you'd act or feel, until it actually happens you really don't know.

[boomerangdiscos]

Without trying to sound callous I don't see how the death of someone unknown to the DJ would have or should have an effect on the DJ's ability to deliver a decent disco.

The person who died was a guest, and whilst other guests will have all known him to a greater or lesser degree, the DJ had no emotional ties to him, and whilst it was a very unfortunate thing to happen, it really doesn't impact on the DJ.

As for the bride, she was related to him, she knew him well, maybe she asked for the event to carry on because she knew that that is what he would have wanted to happen, or maybe because she is a nurse she is just very pragmatic about death and made her decision based on that. Stopping the evening there and then would have achieved what exactly (given my earlier comment about maybe that is what the deceased person would never have wanted to happen).

Speaking as a DJ, if I was at a function and something like that happened then I am reasonably sure that I could deliver the same level of service that I always do, however, how that would be perceived by the guests is an entirely different matter and something that is totally out of my control.

JTRS

i dont think you can judge the impact until it actually happens to you and full credit to the dj for carrying on, i have never and hopefully never will experience what he witnessed at a disco, i have however witnessed a death after a football match not violence related and it still left me in shock even though it was somebody i had never met it.

[DiscoMagic]

This happened a few years back in a local amateur theatre I worked. Panto Season, full house, and then before the show an elderly lady collapsed and had a stroke and passed away there and then in the foyer having her pre-show G&T.

It was not nice having to deal with the situation Of course the show must always go on so as to speak in theatre terms, and although being delayed it was delayed by about 45 minutes.

In terms of DJing, I like to think that we connect with our audience, and so regarding the comments by JRTS, I have to say that it would probably affect me, but I am quite sensitive and a bit of softy when it comes to things like this :o

[Steve Cheese]

It has happened to me also at a party back in April 2010

50th birthday, about 100 peeps. Lovely family. I've done several for them including their daughter's 18th etc.

At about 10pm, playing Boom Boom Shake the Room to a full dance floor, just getting ready to drop House of Pain......someone comes running up "can you turn the music off, someone has collapsed!".
I look over by the bar where a crowd is gathering. Being a first aider I jog over to see if I can help. There is a guy flat on his back with 4 or 5 other first aiders kneeling around him frantically pumping his chest giving CPR. Venue manager (24 yo female) brings defibrillator and put that on him. A few shocks later Defib unit keeps saying "continue CPR". The poor old guy's eyes were open but there was nothing there. I ran around and arranged people to go look out for the ambulance at the main road entrance.
Ambulance arrived VERY quickly indeed, about 5 minutes! 2 arrived and a paramedic car.
I met ambulance at the door and took them to the incident (upstairs!).
I did my best to coax everyone away and try to stop them crowding around. I found a folding divider screen thing which I managed to put around. I arranged someone to commandeer the lift and hold it so they could get him down without any delay.
Guests were all crying and hugging each other.
The worst sound was the wailing of the guy's wife. I have never heard anything like that before and I never want to again.
Paramedics left with him still unstable, IV lines in his arms, tubes in his mouth, pumping his chest in the lift etc.

Heard later that he didn't make it.

Very sad.

We DID NOT carry on with the party. Music off, lights on, bar still open till midnight. People just milled about chatting. I didn't de rig till my finish time of midnight, it just didn't seem right to pack down and leave.

[Ecstatic Events]

If I hear on the news that someone has died, be it someone famous, or just some hitherto unknown person who died in whatever circumstances, and that news breaks as I am setting off to do a gig, then that doesn't affect me or my performance, quite simply because I didn't know them, I had no emtional connection with them and their death has no impact or affect on me, and it's the same with a guest at a party

Im sorry, but your comparison is a million miles away. I am the same, hearing news about a death of an unkown prior to a gig wouldnt affect me in the slightest. However, someone passing on a table to my right at a gig, would.

I would do my very best, but my performance would be affected. Undoubtedly.

My banter and comments wouldnt still be present. And I would feel baffled if my audience ended up having a great time. This is all hypothetically speaking as I dont really know how things would pan out given the situation.

[DeckstarDeluxe]

Hard to really say what I would do until it happens to me but I would imagine it would be very hard to carry on and how to judge banter etc.

[simonp]

I'm surprised they asked you to carry on!?

I couldn't enjoy myself and drink knowing that my uncle had just died in the same room.

Really odd IMO.

I'm in Charlies camp on this one

[Corabar Entertainment]

In all honesty, I'm not sure how anyone can say what they would/wouldn't do, or what should/shouldn't happen unless they were there: just like everything else in this job, you have to judge the situation in hand and adapt accordingly.

For example, the 'uncle' may only have been known at all to a small handful of people at the reception, and/or he may not have been particularly close to anyone. The bride might be mindful of the fact that lots of her guests had gone to particular time, expense and trouble to be there and not want to finish early for these reasons.

As for people being able to enjoy themselves, well, the majority may not have known him at all, and only seen a 'bit of commotion'. Yes, it's a shock to the system to see someone die, but I'm sure that the majority of people would get over that pretty quickly when it's someone unknown, and not a traumatic/gruesome sight.

As for the DJ being able to carry on, the fact of the matter is, if that's what your client wants, then, you'd have to detach yourself and get on with it - even if you didn't feel like it. But again, I suspect that although immediately thereafter it would be a bit awkward / bit of a shock if it happened in front of you, the majority of DJs (by concentrating on the job in hand) would relax pretty quickly and be back on form after an hour or two.

[yourdj]

Why is passing away such a morbid thing nowdays? I suppose its modern religion?

In many cultures its a deemed as a good thing and they all have a good old party as they believe the sole lives
on and will be reborn so the individual is not technically dead - bit like Avatar but less obvious. :)

As for the working situation you just get on with it at the clients advice.
I assume they paid allot of money for the venue and the day and she is used to these goings on being a nurse.
i bet the uncle was a great bloke and would have not been happy ruining a wedding.

[Corabar Entertainment]

... they believe the sole lives on ...Sorry, but PMSL!!!!!

I think you mean 'soul'

:Laugh:

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I thought Toby's post sounded a bit fishy...

:taxi:

[yourdj]

Sorry, but PMSL!!!!!

I think you mean 'soul'

:Laugh:

What is PMSL

Yes thats the one. :p

Edit:


I thought Toby's post sounded a bit fishy...

:taxi:

I was going to say that but i did not want to be accused of bad taste again.
Stop Carping on Darren :D There is a time and a Plaice for jokes and this is not it.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

Blimey... What a terrible thing to happen.
I'm in the camp that says you don't know what you'd be like unless it actually happens (and hopefully it never does).

I can kind of see why the Bride wanted the show to go on because after all, it's her big day and all that but personally, I think I'd feel a bit strange about continuing.

[DiscoMagic]

What is PMSL?

First word is :Censored:, followed by "myself laughing"!!!

Google it if you still can't work it out :)

[Shaun]

What is PMSL



Peeing myself laughing

[soundmaster mobile disco]

Yes it did feel a little uncomfartable for me,what do i say ,what do i play,ect.but after a discussion with the bride and groom i felt better.I played for around 20 mins untill the buffet was served,In that 20 mins or so i was not sure how it would go,or what banter to say to get them back up dancing.I was surprised with the reaction,i got a few up,and once they got up to dance a few others followed.

Yes there was family that had travelled a long way to be there, along with all the evening guests which ammounted to about 180 and i suppose everything had been paid for,so that is probably the main reason why they wanted to carry on.

Straight after the buffet i went into some ceilidh dances,this filled the floor with everyone seemed relaxed and in the party mood.from there on untill finishing time there was a great party atmosphere,this was reflected with a few coming up to thank me for turning it into a good night under the difficult situation.

I might have felt differently if i could not get anyone up to dance,and create a party atmosphere,but as it turned out i felt relaxed and just treated it no different from any other event,this was what the bride & groom wanted.i feel that my personal feeling about this does not come into it as i am there to provide an excellent service to the bride & groom on theyre big day.

[yourdj]

Peeing myself laughing

whats the difference between that and LMFAO as everyone know that. :p
(apart from an extra letter).

[Corabar Entertainment]

whats the difference between that and LMFAO as everyone know that. :p
(apart from an extra letter).Completely different acronym - ie stands for completely different words! :daft: :daft: :daft:

[Kernow]

As for the working situation you just get on with it at the clients advice.


With a quick announcement about the winner of 'Musical Statues' ? :eek: :(

I do agree with Toby in one respect however, in this situation I would carry on playing until instructed to stop. Certainly wouldn't stop to consult the Bride or whoever.
As most have said, you are there to entertain, the first aiders/paramedics have responsibility for the guests welfare.

[katman]

whats the difference between that and LMFAO as everyone know that. :p
(apart from an extra letter).

In the first case a large damp patch appears on your trousers, and in the second your legs fall off when the piece attaching them to your torso disappears :D

[Corabar Entertainment]

:Laugh:

[Corabar Steve]

Completely different acronym - ie stands for completely different words! :daft: :daft: :daft:
& opposite sides of the body :sj:

[sleah]

In all honesty, I'm not sure how anyone can say what they would/wouldn't do, or what should/shouldn't happen unless they were there:
<SNIP>
I suspect that although immediately thereafter it would be a bit awkward / bit of a shock if it happened in front of you, the majority of DJs (by concentrating on the job in hand) would relax pretty quickly and be back on form after an hour or two.

I agree with wot Angela said ^^^

Maybe mindful about which songs to play, Cutting Crew may not be the best choice for example...:o

Regarding banter.... if it is appropriate to refer to the incident for whatever reason, the best way is probably to refer to it as 'the incident' or 'the cicumstances' or 'tonight's events' and not attach any description or heavy emotion to it. Basically being neutral but obviously sympathetic!

[soundmaster mobile disco]

Here is a thank you email that i got from the bride and groom,regarding last weekends wedding with a death.


Hi Gary,


Just a quick e-mail to say a massive thank you for last week. It was a great night for us and you obviously listened to what we asked for because we got exactly what we wanted. I will recommend you without hesitation to any friends. The unfortunate event happened, but we all got back up and cracked on, thanks in-part to yourself. An amazing night.
Cheers
Richard and Vicky

[STEVE HANLEY]

Nice to get an e mail like that Gary after what happened. Well played on your part mate:beer1: :beer1: