A first for me...

[Shakermaker Promotions]

No, it's not a one line reply to a thread or a short review...(sorry people).

Last year I was booked for a wedding which is for next weekend. It's for a couple who are both in the forces. We've kept in touch as much as we possibly can over the past 8 or 9 months and last week I finally met up with the couple and the Brides parents at the venue to go through everything.
The Brides Mum looked like she was in charge and more or less did all the talking as we sat there with the wedding co-ordinator as the Bride to be and her Groom to be sat there and said a few words now and then. They were very nice people and we instantly got on and they are so excited about next week that it was actually very cute. They are having Uplighting aswell and I took along a unit so that they could decide on colours. The Bride to be's face lit up when she saw the effect of one unit, it was really nice.

So, the Mother of the Bride asked me to email her my bank details so she could sort out the payment this week. No problem with that at all.
When I emailed her she replied almost instantly advising me that I may have to chase the couple up with reference to song lists and additional details for the night as they were (her words) "worryingly laid back about the whole thing" so I did.

At the meeting they all took on board my advice and when it came to me mentioning anything that they may NOT want to hear on the night due to it being inappropriate or maybe stuff that they didn't like, there seemed to be a bit of a disagreement between the Bride & her Mum with reference to a particular song that was played at a funeral a couple of years ago. The Bride wanted to hear it but the Mum didn't think it was the right thing to do. I made my points on it and advised them to let me know as soon as possible.
Luckily, when I received the songlist from the couple, the song that the Mum didn't think should be played was on the DO NOT PLAY list so nothing to worry about there....cool.

However.....

On the songlist (which isn't that long in fairness) are some RnB type tracks that are explicit and feature a lot of explicit language (not just the odd word here and there). I went through them yesterday and listened to them and I think they're pretty offensive really. They would be fine in a club at the weekend but at a wedding....I don't think so. I searched for clean versions of some of these tracks but there don't seem to be any.
I was told at the meeting that there are going to be a number of children attending and older relatives too so my initial thought was "Erm, awkward!".

The first for me (as the title says) was an email to the Bride to be's Mum to explain the situation I was / am in. I advised that a number of the songs on the list are explicit and that it wasn't my intention to offend anyone at all. I also advised that it was their day and they should get what they want and said that they may be better suited for late in the evening towards the end if they HAVE to be played. This would be when a number of the oldies had left and there were no children around.
The reply I got from the Mum was that there was no way that she wanted the songs to be played. She said that it may well be their day but they've been planning the wedding for a year now and want it to be a good party with a nice range of music and nothing that will be offensive. She thanked me for telling her and said that she would not say anything but did ask me to voice my concerns to the Bride to be (which was my intention anyway).

I emailed the Bride to be with more or less the same wording in my email to her Mum and advised that it might be best to leave the explicit tracks out or play them late in the evening.
I haven't had a reply yet but I only emailed her late yesterday.

One comment that the Bride to be's Mum made was "Your job isn't as easy as people think is it" and that's true.
What would you do in this situation?
I think I may be worrying over nothing as the Bride & Groom were really nice and very excited and I think they'll understand and just want a good party but I thought it was best to mention it in advance so that at least know and can appreciate the situation.

Comments please...

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

I think you've done the right thing.

The bride and groom will probably be understanding as they probably have just thought about a song they like, not the fact it might offend anyone as they're not looking at it from a DJs perspective.

If they say they definitely want it to be played then I suppose you're going to have to make a judgement call but I've got a clause in my contract stating that I'm under no obligation to play any offensive material (it's mainly aimed to cover Rangers and Celtic tunes but it covers everything)

At the end of the day, if someone digs their heels in, explain to them that you're a business and you can't have people going around (especially with the internet) saying: That Shakermaker guy is terrible he played this and that and that in front of the grans and children.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

Cheers Jim, my thoughts exactly.
I was speaking to someone else about it online last night and they said the exact same thing.
Although I am not there with an LED screen with my number on it or an advertising banner, I AM advertising myself by just doing what I do and I have no doubt in my mind that a number of people would be thinking "What the hell is that guy doing?".
I know if I was at a Disco and there were kids about and the DJ was playing in appropriate music (explicit) then I'm pretty sure I would approach the DJ and make my thoughts clear no matter what the occasion was and I don't want to give people the chance to do that. It's never happened to me before and as I said to the Mum via email, I have never been in the position before where I have had to mention it.

As I said, in a club at the weekend it's fine. It may not be everyones cup of tea but you don't get young kids and oldies vacating those places.
I'm no prude or anything but I want to do my job without any grief which is what I'd expect if I played some of them.

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I would have flagged it up with the B&G but in the same respect I don't think it's up to us to censor what they want played. That's not our job.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

I have flagged it up with them Darren. I only received the list yesterday morning and the wedding is next Sunday.
I haven't said that I won't play their choices, I've just advised of the situation and I mentioned it to the Mum because she seems to be the one that's in charge of everything and not a person to mess with if you know what I mean.
At the end of the day, I think I have done what I can.
I agree with you that it's not up to us to choose what the Bride & Groom have played in some respect. It's their day and obviously they're paying (well Mum is!) but I do think it's worth advising them of the situation because they will want people to enjoy themselves won't they. I doubt if they will want to offend anyone. Like I said, as yet I have had no reply to my email.

[ukpartydj]

I've had this problem before, I have a nice filter effect on my mixer - if you know the track well enough you can just hit filter when the offensive word kicks in and it sweeps the mid and hi frequency out and the offensive language and still sounds professional.

[Jonathan Ford]

Hmmmmm....tough one. I think you've done all you can in highlighting the issue, and letting them decide. As a rule, if I can't get a clean version of a track, I don't buy it, as it's the easiest way to avoid mistakes (when I worked in radio, I very nearly had a career defining moment with "Don't Marry Her" by The Beautiful South). With random requests during the evening, I often refuse to play things if they're too sweary.

[Shaun]

I wouldn't play any offensive or really expletive tracks if children are in attendance. As much as I want to please my clients, I won't do it at the expense of upsetting a majority of their guests.


The following is part of my T&C's...

If minors are in attendance, the Performer reserves the right to exclude any pre-agreed musical selections that may contain content that could reasonably be considered to be inappropriate.

[DazzyD]

I think it's plausible that some clients might not even realise their chosen tracks are explicit. Before anyone thinks I am a numpty for this train of thought let me explain why!

A lot of new music is introduced to people through tv and radio. These channels do their own editing (and not just blanking out naughty words) and the quality can be good enough to make people think those are the lyrics as the artist had intended. If these people have only heard these tracks on Radio 1 or whatever, then they might be quite shocked themselves if they hear the full un-edited album versions.

For this reason, I'd definitely bring it up with the client but I'd be inclined to not play these tracks at a family-orientated event. I'd rather not offend anyone in the venue. Censorship or Sensibility? :confused:

[Excalibur]

I would have flagged it up with the B&G but in the same respect I don't think it's up to us to censor what they want played. That's not our job.

I'm surprised to see you say this. We play to our audiences.Not necessarily our paymasters.

When I'm playing to an audience containing young teens downwards, it's radio edits only. ( Of course, if they then go to bed at 10pm, the restrictions are eased. I recently did a function where the family aspect was paramount, and the young children stayed to the very end )


Make no mistake, if my audience is all over 21, I'm capable of playing a large amount of profanity and foul language. But: Not in front of the Children.
Simples.



I wouldn't play any offensive or really expletive tracks if children are in attendance. As much as I want to please my clients, I won't do it at the expense of upsetting a majority of their guests.
...
Oh poo. Hasn't fifty years gone quickly? :D Shaun, I agree totally, and may insert a very similar term in my contracts.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

UKPartyDJ - I have the facilities on the Denon to do the same thing so the expletives aren't heard but I don't know the tracks that well and from what I have heard, I would be doing it quite a lot which would probably make the tracks sound worse.

Peter - I agree with you. It's the kind of feeling that I got from the Mum who is paying. She is the paymaster and in reality what she says should go but it's not HER day is it?
Common sense tells you that it would be stupidity to play a lot of explicit music when there are children and people around that can be easily offended.
Common sense is what I will take on board in this situation.
As I said, the song request list isn't that big and we went through a lot of stuff during our meeting. These songs are "what we'd like to hear during the evening" in the Brides words.
I still haven't received a reply to my email but as I said, they are both in the forces and are very busy at the moment.

[PureWeddingDJs]

I played nwa - straight out of compton the other day. That went down well wi
th the little kids.

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

Have you heard back from the bride and groom yet?

I'd definitely get a clause put into your t's and C's to cover you in future. To be fair, any client who is going to go in a strop because you won't play expletive laden music is probably going to be a pain to work with anyway.

[Shakermaker Promotions]

I will be adding something to my Terms & Conditions regarding this later today (thanks for the reminder).

Yes, I literally heard back from the Bride around 10 minutes ago and that's why I am replying to this to update.
She said that she hadn't listened to a number of the songs all the way through and didn't realise. She didn't want to offend anyone either and said that a couple of guests had actually requested some of the more heavier RnB and Hip Hop stuff and it wasn't a problem if they didn't get played. She also said that she total faith in me and trusted my judgement and that she was just looking forward to having a good boogie.

I don't think you can say fairer than that.

Now, I just need to think of some wording for those Terms & Conditions.....

[hammy]

I will endeavour to play all requests unless they are unsuitable due to explicit lyrics.

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

I've not got a contract handy but mine goes something like:

The DJ reserves the right to refuse playback of requested songs for reasons including but not limited to: football related songs, sectarian or political content and language that the DJ deems offensive.

You probably don't need to go into as much detail with that unfortunately up here you do need to be pretty blunt about the football sectarian stuff on occasion. The including but not limited to means technically you can use any reason not to play it including "it's just utter :Censored::Censored::Censored::Censored:e" :D

[Shakermaker Promotions]

I ended up putting the following under the heading Music / Requests:

"The DJ welcomes music input and requests both in advance and at the function itself but will refrain from playing any music that may cause offence or be unsuitable due to explicit content and where clean edits of the requested track are not available"

I reckon that sounds ok?

[Excalibur]

I will endeavour to play all requests unless they are unsuitable due to explicit lyrics.
Or the crowd consists entirely of adults of a robust disposition, habitually inured to profane and improper language.



The DJ reserves the right to refuse playback of requested songs including but not limited to:

R'n'Bilge, anything produced after 1979, anything the DJ doesn't like.................................. :D :D

Seriously, I think we all ought to have a clause like that in the T&C's. As Gary said, simply common sense.

[DazzyD]

I think it's plausible that some clients might not even realise their chosen tracks are explicit. Before anyone thinks I am a numpty for this train of thought let me explain why!

A lot of new music is introduced to people through tv and radio. These channels do their own editing (and not just blanking out naughty words) and the quality can be good enough to make people think those are the lyrics as the artist had intended. If these people have only heard these tracks on Radio 1 or whatever, then they might be quite shocked themselves if they hear the full un-edited album versions.

For this reason, I'd definitely bring it up with the client but I'd be inclined to not play these tracks at a family-orientated event. I'd rather not offend anyone in the venue. Censorship or Sensibility? :confused:


...
Yes, I literally heard back from the Bride around 10 minutes ago and that's why I am replying to this to update.
She said that she hadn't listened to a number of the songs all the way through and didn't realise. She didn't want to offend anyone either ....

I must be pyschic or something! I was expecting people disagreeing with my comments and it looks like I got it spot on!! (goes off to find a "smug" smiley!! ;) )...

[dj foureyes]

Or the crowd consists entirely of adults of a robust disposition, habitually inured to profane and improper language.



R'n'Bilge, anything produced after 1979, anything the DJ doesn't like.................................. :D :D

Seriously, I think we all ought to have a clause like that in the T&C's. As Gary said, simply common sense.

I'm afraid I must take you to task on your statement, even though it was said in jest. I must admit a lot of today's R'nB is very samey and just a rehash of former classic (and non classic) tunes but I really can't believe that in the last 30+ years there hasn't been ANYTHING decent produced in that genre that you like? Seriously?Nothing from the likes of Michael Jackson, Mary J Blige,Soul ii Soul, etc? Every genre has it's absolute legendary songs that you can't help but sing along to but every genre also has pure unadulterated dross that, given a choice, you'd rather listen to a blackboard being scraped with your finger nails than said song. (BTW, when did Soul music become modern R'n'B? I must have missed that meeting:))
I'm not having a go at you Peter for your musical tastes rather for your dismissing ONE TYPE of music that has produced tens of thousands of decent tunes in the last 34 years.

Please accept my appologies if I seem harsh.

[ultrasound disco]

Hmmmmm....tough one. I think you've done all you can in highlighting the issue, and letting them decide. As a rule, if I can't get a clean version of a track, I don't buy it
:beer1::beer1::beer1::beer1: indeed old chap.