Not sure wether to carry on or not :(

[Creature]

Did my first big rally early in May since our eldest sons death, and got thru it ok - bit tear jerky at the time, but some great friends managed to get my wife there with me and with there help got thru it ok. Altho I dont think I did particually well at times I enjoyed it but at others I wasnt so sure.

This weekend playing at Farmard in a 3000 people rated marquee and the doubts are really hitting me, its not helped that tomorrow morn is the first of what I am sure is gonna be a long drawn out series of coaurt cases overs Tims death, and the fact that I will also see the person who drove thru my son. straight after then off to get ready for the weekend.

I'm trying to get to the end of the year before I sit down with my family to decide what i want to do - but am finding it harder too do that. Its not been a great year for bookings, but in all honesty thats not been a bad thing..........

Sorry rant over

[MikeW]

I can't even begin to imagine what you and your wife must be going through. All I can do is to wish you all the best. Sometimes it helps to keep busy. Hope it all works out for the best.

[Corabar Steve]

I think the best thing is to wait & see how you feel after the court case.

You'll always have plenty of support both here & on FB

[DazzyD]

Mr C. As Mike has said, we can only imagine the pain you're going through and, without sounding too selfish, hope that we never get to experience it for real. I remember seeing the smiling picture of Tim before the accident and, as a dad myself, I found the story really tragic and sad (to be fair, who wouldn't?).

But like Steve said, whatever you decide to do, keep in touch. Don't be a stranger. You've got a lot of support here! :)

[mattydj50]

I experienced similar vibes when my father committted suicide some years ago. But with good support and my own resolve, I overcame that to regain my self confidence and keep going and am still going now 30 years later.

Yes, his birthday and anniversary are sad days, but remember the good times and then pass those good times on to your clients.

[Creature]

Well Fiday nite managed to clear the marquee :( but within an hour had it full again - and I am ready to jack it all in, but its a weekend booking so gotta tough it out :(

Saturday, was a long day with starting at 11am but by 2am - had the marquee heaving :) and re booked for next year

But still no feeling or drive just nothing :(

[Corabar Entertainment]

Your first post wasn't a rant by any means, Creature.

DJing is something you've loved and got great pleasure from for a long time and, whilst you might not be 'feeling' it at the moment (understandably), your last post shows you've still got the ability to do what it takes regardless.

It's a cliché, but, give it time: it's all still very raw - especially with the court case now. Don't make any rash decisions as after the case, you might be grateful to have something else to focus on - even if you aren't getting the same pleasure as you used to.... but that just might come back in time.

[Creature]

Many thanks for comments, they do help :)

At Skegness on Sat then another dreaded day.

4th July crown court for plea and directions then a long 8 hour drive to Swallow falls for another weekend booking. Just hoping I dont feel as bad as last weekend with going to mag courts before i left for Farmard booking.

the one more booking at start of Sept at Enstone Airfield near Oxford for another weekend booking.

After that not accepted any bookings between 14th sept - 12th Oct as it will be 1st anniversay of Tims leaving us, and I just dont know what we will be doing.

[Shaun]

I can't imagine what you've went through, and are continuing to go through. The loss of a child truly is an unimaginable situation. My thoughts really are with you and all your nearest and dearest.

Grief is something I've unfortunately had to come to terms with on a few occasions throughout life. I lost both my Mum & Dad in two separate tragedies (My mum on my 12th Birthday, and my dad in 2007). At the time of my dad's accident, work (and indeed this forum) proved to be a really good source of recovery and therapy for me. Just having that little bit of escape allowed me time to try take my mind off things and try find a way of continuing on and coping as best I could.

Grief is the hardest emotion to cope with, but with the love and support of family and friends it can get a little easier day by day. There's no one-stop-shop to fix things I found, it's just a case of carrying on day by day as best you can. The Anniversary of the passing of loved ones can be particularly hard too. Embrace the love of your family and friends during that time as it can be a great source of comfort.

As for whether to carry on with the gigs or not? Only you can make that decision. Not taking bookings during the time you've mentioned might be for the best to allow you time get past the hard days. Take some time out and who knows, you might be ready to hit the road later down the line.

Again, my thoughts and best wishes to you and your family. Hang in there buddy.