Human Ipod

[DJMusky]

A recent gig has left me wondering what others might have done in the same situation, so I thought I'd throw this one out there for some feedback.

This was a straight forward wedding reception at a private residence. The bride and I had met to discuss the arrangements and music preferences.
Music requested was the general family favourites, some new stuff, and old stuff, nothing outrageous.
Cocktail music during dinner, the Rat pack and Michael Buble.

Firstly, when I arrived at the venue, there was absolutely no-one to verify the set up arrangements, and only the caterers were in residence, who even asked me what time the party was due to end. As my agreement was to end at midnight, I told them that that was the time I was planning to close down the music, and they seemed relieved at that.
I set up the equipment as previously discussed with the bride, and was almost finished with the lighting, when the guests arrived back from the ceremony. I think that these were guests that were staying at the residence for the wedding.
They immediately took seats around the area I was trying to finish setting up, and began placing bags, rucksacks with kids nappies etc, in almost every space that I was trying to run cables. This simply made some of the lighting set up near impossible to do, so I just called it quits at this point.

The cocktail music was pretty boring to say the least, and I am still none the wiser as to what is really suitable whilst people are eating. In my opinion I would assume something mellow and background.
However, I was asked if I could liven it up a bit and increase the volume. This seemed the opposite of background music, so left me a bit perplexed on how to continue.
Having had to play background music now for several previous weddings, I am under the impression that really I should simply prepare an iTunes playlist and plug in an ipod and leave it on shuffle. Any other suggestions would be appreciated?

Once the party was ready to start, it seemed that the bride and her friends were already too drunk to dance. Anyway, no sooner than I had turned up the volume and started the first track (Michael Jackson - Don't stop till you get enough)
one of the guests (a quite drunk bridesmaid) asked if I had any music to dance to, suggesting that MJ was not suitable.
I allowed her to view some of the playlists and she failed to find anything that she liked the sound of.
She remained sat there, criticising every track that I selected, even though some of these were specifically requested by the bride!
There were several people dancing, but mostly the younger crowd (30's). They began to request tracks, and reject almost everything that I selected outside of their demands, even insisting that I stop the tracks halfway, in order to play their requested tracks. As they were the only ones dancing, I wasn't able to negotiate, and as long as I continued to play their requests, there was certainly no chance that the other family members were about to join in.
At this point I simply felt like a human IPOD. They were demanding the same tracks played repeatedly, and simply stopping and starting me like a dukebox.

Needless to say, this was a particularly un-enjoyable event, and when midnight came, I insisted that I could not oblige them any further, and managed to get away as quick as I possibly could.

I would like to hear anyone's suggestions as to how to deal with this sort of harassment, or any similar stories you might have.

[DazzyD]

I think that this would be a very familiar scenario to most working DJs who've had some experience under their belts and not just wedding DJs, either!

I would not stop a track midway through to play somebody else's request. I would tell the "requester" that I'd play their track as soon as suitably possible but I would never do so straight away and especially not during someone else's chosen song.

I think the thing here is that you seem that you were easily intimidated by the guests. You cannot let people get to you in that way as, if you do, perhaps DJing is the wrong choice of career path for you. I'm not suggesting for one minute you should be defensive or confrontational but more that you should explain to them that you'll play their request when you get to it and be firm with them. If you let them push you around they'll do it even more. You are not a jukebox, iPod or any other piece of electronic machinery. You are a working DJ who is skilled in the art of song selection. If you get it wrong and choose the wrong songs then you only have yourself to blame if the night isn't a success. Likewise, if you let a small number of guests dictate the music and other guests complain what an awful night they've had, them you've only got yourself to blame that you let it happen. If in doubt, stick to any playlists / requests given to you by the client or bride & groom. After all, they're the ones paying you!

I haven't read any of your other posts yet but you seem to be lacking in experience - something that only comes with, well, experience!! You'll pick these things up you go along and your confidence will grow. Just stick with it! :)

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

I have to agree that it sounds like you let things get the better of you.

There are various ways to deal with drunks and in this situation it sounds like being firm (not necesarilly confrontational unless they were way out of order) is the way to go.

If a drunk bridesmaid can't find a tune that she likes, I tell her to go away and come back when she's thought of one she'd like to play. That is a nice way of telling her to feck off , lets her think she's got a bit of control and is an easy way to manage the situation. I certainly wouldn't have her hanging around criticising everything I played.

I would NEVER stop a song halfway through because of someone's request. Most of the room are enjoying it and Johnny the drunk Onanist* (as they tend to be) is going to ruin it for everyone.

If people are rude or offensive, I don't inherently ignore their requests but I certainly don't prioritise them. I worked in bars for years and at busy times, the guy standing politely waiting for his order to be taken is going to be seen to way in advance of the idiot hanging over the bar screaming to be served...

It's a tough job and it's a delicate one at the best of times, especially weddings but from what you've said there, you gave the prats in the crowd too much leverage. Don't be afraid to say no and stand your ground.

Mod note. * Google it. Means the same as what Jim posted, but it's ( hopefully ) a less offensive ( though no less descriptive ) term than the one he used, which doesn't seem to be in the forum censors, banned list. Yet.

[funkymook]

A party in someone's house can be a much more 'hair down' type of do than one at a wedding venue - best to go with the flow, smile a lot, have a laugh and joke with the guests if they're making repeat requests etc and let your hair down as well...

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

A few more points:

With regards to background music. It is quite a hard one to judge. At a recent client meeting where they're having background music one of them said "We want stuff like this" (as we sat in a fairly chilled out cocktail lounge) "Stuff that you don't have to concentrate on or use too much brain power with." Seemed like a good way to put it to me and I've already started thinking about how to approach background music gigs where they haven't specifically asked for a set of songs.

What you need to remember is that background music is just that, it should be int he background so unless it's the client that's told you to up things a notch, you should always keep it as background music.

I reread your comment about not being able to negotiate with the younger crowd as they were the only ones dancing. That is total BS. You can't let a a group (or single person in some cases) dictate your gig. Just because they're dancing doesn't mean they're the key to the night and there's every chance the people who weren't dancing weren't enjoying themselves. I'd have changed focus and tried to get other people up to dance. Forget the first group if they're not happy. A wedding can have toddlers to great grandparents so just catering (pandering maybe?) to a small segment of that is a cardinal sin imo.

Our ultimate goal is a mobbed dancefloor all night but I'd take a gig where everyone gets a little bit of time on the dancefloor in smaller groups throughout the gig than one group dominating and everyone else feeling left out.

[DJMusky]

Great responses so far. Thanks to all.

Dazzy D & Jim - I agree totally. I am experienced at DJ'ing, having DJ'd for over 20 years now, but still a wedding DJ novice (only three years so far), and know that experience is the only way to gain confidence. I think the day wore me down and left me unable to fight off the intimidation towards the end.

I did stand my ground as much as I could, but every time I attempted to steer the music towards a more general group, I was verbally attacked. As I said above, I think my energy levels were unable to cope!

However, I did not break the golden rule and stop the track halfway through. Even with the persistent requests to stop, I simply ignored them and waited for the track to play out before changing the tune.

[Excalibur]

Come on mate, you're living in Monaco, and you're angling for sympathy? Ain't gonna happen!!

OK, joke over, hope you're having a great time there. Now then, weddings and disparate music choices. I feel your pain. I can never understand why some folk reckon they're usually an easy gig. Yours doesn't seem to have been unique, I think we've all had them like that at some stage. Sounds to me as if you behaved correctly, but were never going to please everybody.

I agree with most of the sentiments above, best I can do is wheel out the old platitudes like "chalk it down to experience, don't let it get you down, better luck next time", and the tried and tested "grin and bear it". Fear not, you're not alone, and you haven't had a wildly outrageous crowd. Just one of the gigs where you don't go home with a nice warm glow inside. Ah well.

[safdiscos]

I had the exact same thing in a pub a few weeks ago, people leaning over the deck stand telling me exackly what they thought of the music, demanding it to be changed immediately and giving me seriously rude verbal abuse, it was made worse as the person paying for the disco was the landlord, they were getting it free and still moaning, in the end i did something i really shouldnt have and wont do again, but one bloke was giving me dogs abuse, so i just turned the music right down and announced if i hear his voice again he'l get a smack in the mouth.... after that the previously rude customers of the pub totally changed their attitudes and were much nicer. I'm aware however I could well of caused a massive punch up in the middle of the pub. lesson learnt. Be cool :)

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

I did stand my ground as much as I could, but every time I attempted to steer the music towards a more general group, I was verbally attacked. As I said above, I think my energy levels were unable to cope!



Depending on how bad it was, I'd have been very tempted to stop the music and publicly shame them. Seriousy. Kill it and say something like: " Sorry folks but I'm not continuing until certain people calm down and stop harassing me." I've never done it at a wedding but I've stopped the music once or twice during parties where people have been messing around with the gear or being OTT in their pratness and it's generally resolved the situation quickly.

I appreciate that the bevvy will have been flowing by that time of night but we are entitled to the same dignity at work as any other supplier.

[Excalibur]

I appreciate that the bevvy will have been flowing by that time of night but we are entitled to the same dignity at work as any other supplier.

So many responses spring to mind, most of which could be construed as insulting you and our fellow members. Let's just say that your premise is correct, but events regularly tend not to bear that out. Sadly.

I know I'vbe p-robably got the rose tinted specs on again, but I don't remember it being like that years ago. I'd start a thread on it, except all the kiddies wouldn't be able to join in. :)

[yourdj]

If you had a playlist from the bride I would have politely told her to go and have some fun as its the brides playlist.

Girls can be a real nightmare and I am very polite until they start becoming a nusance or rude. kids can be the worst as they want thier track NOW.
A lot of the time its the lyrics and not the danceability of the track that they like, so what they listen too in the car may not translate to a dancefloor.

I would have:

1: Been very firm, but nice with her and told her to go away and think of a few tracks for her and her friends.

2: perhaps not even be that friendly if she starts to be a pain. if you have a busy dancfloor then you can get away with that. I would say, sorry but I have to concentrate on my job. i have had pain in the but guests totally distract me to the point when the track has run out and I have nothing lined up. Only last week that happened and I totally lost my rag with her, in a nice way however and I never saw her until the end, where she was fine with me.

2: perhaps even stopped a song half way and read her name out whilst playing the new track. This works wonders on a busy dance floor, with someone insisting "it will get everyone dancing" the song goes on, everyone sits down and she is then left there on her own. I have done that on a number of occasions with rude guests and it has never failed or backfired (ie they come back and have a go at you) as they know its totally their fault.

4: got the bride or groom to intervene. Last case scenario but if the floor is busy and they are dancing then i may have got one of the wedding paty to distract her or tell her off perhaps?? There is always a sensible normal bridesmaid. They are often a good bet!!


All of these options have worked in the past, but I am usually just really nice and honest to people and tell them that it may not work.
If they are adamant that it will then use step 2 but at the end of the song playing. an example may be "the bare necessities" or something leftfield like that? I have suprised myself at times as it has all kicked off and they the give me the smug "I told you so look" LOL. Thats fine by me as the guests are all still dancing!!

[ukpartydj]

If you had a playlist from the bride I would have politely told her to go and have some fun as its the brides playlist.

Girls can be a real nightmare and I am very polite until they start becoming a nusance or rude. kids can be the worst as they want thier track NOW.
A lot of the time its the lyrics and not the danceability of the track that they like, so what they listen too in the car may not translate to a dancefloor.

I would have:

1: Been very firm, but nice with her and told her to go away and think of a few tracks for her and her friends.

2: perhaps not even be that friendly if she starts to be a pain. if you have a busy dancfloor then you can get away with that. I would say, sorry but I have to concentrate on my job. i have had pain in the but guests totally distract me to the point when the track has run out and I have nothing lined up. Only last week that happened and I totally lost my rag with her, in a nice way however and I never saw her until the end, where she was fine with me.

2: perhaps even stopped a song half way and read her name out whilst playing the new track. This works wonders on a busy dance floor, with someone insisting "it will get everyone dancing" the song goes on, everyone sits down and she is then left there on her own. I have done that on a number of occasions with rude guests and it has never failed or backfired (ie they come back and have a go at you) as they know its totally their fault.

4: got the bride or groom to intervene. Last case scenario but if the floor is busy and they are dancing then i may have got one of the wedding paty to distract her or tell her off perhaps?? There is always a sensible normal bridesmaid. They are often a good bet!!


All of these options have worked in the past, but I am usually just really nice and honest to people and tell them that it may not work.
If they are adamant that it will then use step 2 but at the end of the song playing. an example may be "the bare necessities" or something leftfield like that? I have suprised myself at times as it has all kicked off and they the give me the smug "I told you so look" LOL. Thats fine by me as the guests are all still dancing!!

Great bit of advice.

A lot of it is less about being "the big guy" and sticking up for yourself and more about diverting the problem and getting them on your side.

They may be absolutely nuts but you need to listen to them, DON'T SAY "NO" - offer alternatives - share some knowledge ask them what other music they like. It may not suit everybody but I like to entertain these people by talking to them, making what your saying a bit of an act "how could you possibly not like Micheal Jackson?", is it just this song? Make conversation ask what music they like ... compliment them on there music taste (if it's good) or it's it's quite bad or cheesy make a joke about it.

I think it's quite harsh to suggest that somebody shouldn't be in the game if they're having problems with these people, I'm not a confrontational person and I find these situations very uncomfortable.

[yourdj]

Great bit of advice.

A lot of it is less about being "the big guy" and sticking up for yourself and more about diverting the problem and getting them on your side.

They may be absolutely nuts but you need to listen to them, DON'T SAY "NO" - offer alternatives - share some knowledge ask them what other music they like. It may not suit everybody but I like to entertain these people by talking to them, making what your saying a bit of an act "how could you possibly not like Micheal Jackson?", is it just this song? Make conversation ask what music they like ... compliment them on there music taste (if it's good) or it's it's quite bad or cheesy make a joke about it.

I think it's quite harsh to suggest that somebody shouldn't be in the game if they're having problems with these people, I'm not a confrontational person and I find these situations very uncomfortable.

Cheers.

NO does work at times and is often the only option. i am a very friendly and helpful guy,
who is not scared of testing musical boundaries, but i know when to draw the line.

This is worst case scenario when pining to someones needs in varying ways clearly will never work and they will not leave the booth for what ever reason it may be. It usually a lack of self confidence, a complete lack of understanding of anyone elses needs or just plain stupidity and or lack of social skills. Or they are blind drunk and have no idea whats going on. ;)

it the sort of person that is not happy with anything you put on and when asked what they want they
don't even know and hover over you looking at a list of 20 tracks out of 10,000.
Its the kind of person who complains about a track they have chosen or comes up and asks you to play the track thats playing LOL.

Happens perhaps 5 times a year if that. :)

Usually during the Christmas party period when people who do not often leave the house go out for a one off party.
Wedding guests are normally OK. Only hassle I have had have been in upperclass Marquee gigs or private residences.
If you dont take control of the situation they will walk all over you and it can even lead to violence of damage of your kit!!

[funkymook]

i am a very friendly and helpful guy who is not scared of testing musical boundaries....



What boundaries? Either you're playing music that suits your audience or you're not.

[yourdj]

What boundaries? Either you're playing music that suits your audience or you're not.

Boundaries as in - If someone asks for something that may not necessarily be in keeping with the music that may "suit" the audience.
Having said that its very easy to judge a crowd and not get it 100% right. I did a 70th the other day and they just wanted chart music. :)

I dont think you can get it spot on for all of the guests - all the time especially in a wedding?
You can only keep a happy medium, unless some other form of goings on assists the situation (like a circle dance off) or it is "the anthem" for them.

Someone asking for dubstep at a Masonic dinner dance for example and is adamant that it will get everyone on the floor and will not give up until that track is played. you are then in the predicament of shrugging it off by promising to play it and not play it (in which case they will not have it), trying to explain that it may not work, refering to the party organiser, playing the track or perhaps saying no.

Dependent on the situation I would normally play the track and name the person who asked for it, assuming it is not completely out of "suit for the audience". Swearing and heavy music (skrillex etc.) would be a good example.

[mattydj50]

Reminds me of all of those tracks that I just don't happen to have with me that night.

[funkymook]

Boundaries as in - If someone asks for something that may not necessarily be in keeping with the music that may "suit" the audience.
Having said that its very easy to judge a crowd and not get it 100% right. I did a 70th the other day and they just wanted chart music. :)

I dont think you can get it spot on for all of the guests - all the time especially in a wedding?
You can only keep a happy medium, unless some other form of goings on assists the situation (like a circle dance off) or it is "the anthem" for them.

Someone asking for dubstep at a Masonic dinner dance for example and is adamant that it will get everyone on the floor and will not give up until that track is played. you are then in the predicament of shrugging it off by promising to play it and not play it (in which case they will not have it), trying to explain that it may not work, refering to the party organiser, playing the track or perhaps saying no.

Dependent on the situation I would normally play the track and name the person who asked for it, assuming it is not completely out of "suit for the audience". Swearing and heavy music (skrillex etc.) would be a good example.

Oh OK - though that sounds more like staying safely within musical boundaries, not testing them.

[DJMusky]

Thanks to all who took the tome to reply with some great advice.
It's good to know that you're not alone.
I will certainly make use of the suggestions!!

[goldensounds83]

I had the exact same thing in a pub a few weeks ago, people leaning over the deck stand telling me exackly what they thought of the music, demanding it to be changed immediately and giving me seriously rude verbal abuse, it was made worse as the person paying for the disco was the landlord, they were getting it free and still moaning, in the end i did something i really shouldnt have and wont do again, but one bloke was giving me dogs abuse, so i just turned the music right down and announced if i hear his voice again he'l get a smack in the mouth.... after that the previously rude customers of the pub totally changed their attitudes and were much nicer. I'm aware however I could well of caused a massive punch up in the middle of the pub. lesson learnt. Be cool :)

never a good idea to threaten violence, although tempting some times... apart from anything else if looks really unprofessional. The best thing you can do in these circumstances is as you did but instead of "if I hear his voice again he'll get a smack in the mouth" what about "I have tolerated enough abuse from a few guest, you know who you are if I get any more I will terminate my services" after you have said this speak to you client and make clear who is giving you problems if they are not brough into line then carry out your threat terminate the music until the idiots are sorted out and if they give you too much :Censored: pack up and go home