Oxymoron's

[Jiggles]

Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works :rolleyes::rolleyes::eek::D

Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing :p

Near miss
Great depression
Canadian army
United nations :eek::eek:

Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Death benefits
Airline Food
Women's rights
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Sensitive man
Government organization
Everything except
Civil War
Good kid
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
British fashion
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Military Intelligence
Software documentation :D:D

New York culture
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Synthetic natural gas
Christian Scientists
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
New and improved
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Rap music
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Religious tolerance
Freezer Burn
Honest Politician:D
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
Postal Service

Got to share this one as well :D:D:D:D:D:D






Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...











The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...











So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

This is a list of what all the advertising terms on products really mean...

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.

FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[soundtracker]

King of the cut and paste!

[Jiggles]

King of the cut and paste!


All hail ME :D:D:D:D:D

[Corabar Steve]

I've a feeling you may have some arguemens brewing amongst that first selection :D

There is also a problem with the second punchline in the "perfect joke", you've printed it on a forum, by it's very nature people will scroll down on a forum, especially after the first or second post

[Jiggles]

I've a feeling you may have some arguemens brewing amongst that first selection :D

There is also a problem with the second punchline in the "perfect joke", you've printed it on a forum, by it's very nature people will scroll down on a forum, especially after the first or second post


Ach! Its all fun :D

[Corabar Steve]

I don't dispute that, merely pointing out the facts dear boy :D

[Dragonfly]

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...



The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

no santa claus????????? no wonder the youth of today is in he state its in next hell be posting that kermit isnt a real frog and that my best friends the squirrels are merely figments of my own colourful imagination???

blame the education system thats what i say

and callum is obviously not involved with a lady or he would know they do very frequently listen

they are on the other hand never wrong and what they are listening to is always misguided and total rubbish.im married and my good lady wife has assured me of these facts. lol

[Jiggles]

kermit isnt a real frog and Dragon flys best friends the squirrels are merely figments of his own colourful imagination



Sorry but i had to :D:D:D:D:D:D

[Jiggles]

I don't dispute that, merely pointing out the facts dear boy :D


:Embarassed::Embarassed::Embarassed::Embarassed::E mbarassed::Embarassed::Embarassed::cool::cool::coo l::cool::cool:

[Dragonfly]

callum watch out for the fish.

[Jiggles]

What??????

[Dragonfly]

I said ....... watch out for the fish ...........

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/fighting/fighting0059.gif

[Jiggles]

:doh:

[Corabar Steve]

http://smilies.vidahost.com/otn/animals/goldfish.gifhttp://smilies.vidahost.com/otn/animals/fish.gif

[Shaun]

Another oxymoron for you...

Sober Darren

[Jiggles]

Another oxymoron for you...

Sober Darren

PMSL:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Another oxymoron for you...

Sober Darren

OI!:mad: :eek: :mad: :beer1:

[Dragonfly]

OI!:mad: :eek: :mad: :beer1:


calm Darren calm lol :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1:

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

calm Darren calm lol :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1: :beer1:

Non drinking night tonight:( (footy training in a minute)

[Dragonfly]

ill have one for you then Daz as i rarely get to drink on fri sat sun nights lol

[Corabar Steve]

Non drinking night tonight:( (footy training in a minute)

What Darren never mentions when he says this,is the fact that he's the coach, not a player :)

[Dragonfly]

What Darren never mentions when he says this,is the fact that he's the coach, not a player :)


lol im sure he leads by example. ...... still trying to tweek the idea of a pie and a pint afterwards for the under 10s though lol

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

What Darren never mentions when he says this,is the fact that he's the coach, not a player :)

Manager actually and you know me, you'd know why...:D :beer1:

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

lol im sure he leads by example. ...... still trying to tweek the idea of a pie and a pint afterwards for the under 10s though lol

Under 7s!:)

[Corabar Steve]

Manager actually

Sorry, here have a prezzie :D

[Dragonfly]

oh and

http://www.go-optic.com/sunglasses/images/AUSTJFzi.jpg

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/330691/2/istockphoto_330691_cuban_cigars.jpg

http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0000AS4ZI.01._AA280_SCLZZZZZZZ_V53054099_.jpg

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Cheers then...

[Shaun]

OI!:mad: :eek: :mad: :beer1:


You know it's true. Here...have a beer ;) :beer1: :beer1: :beer1:

[dannyboy]

Act naturally
Happily married
Microsoft Works :rolleyes::rolleyes::eek::D



I agree