Aeroplane problems

[mike8863]

After every flight, pilots fill in what is known as a gripe sheet. This conveys to the engineers and ground crews any problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight, that need repair or correction.
The engineers read this sheet, correct the problem then, respond in writing using the lower portion of the sheet. The pilot then reviews this prior to the aircrafts next flight.
Never let it be said that this group of people lack a sense of humour. What you are about to read is 100% genuine and are actual logs submitted by Quantas. Quantas it is worth noting is the only major airline not to have had an accident,(to date!).

(P is the poblem logged by the pilot)
(S is the solution, action taken by the engineers)


P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing
S. Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P. Test flight ok, except auto- land very rough
S. Auto land not installed on this aircraft

P. Something loose in ****pit
S. Something tightened in ****pit

P. Dead bugs on windshield
S. Live bugs on back order

P. Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent
S. Cannot reproduce problem on the ground

P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S. Evidence removed

P. DME volume unbelievably loud
S. DME volume set to more believable level

P. Friction locks cause throttles to stick
S. Thats what they are there for

P. IFF inoperative
S. IFF always inoperative in off mode

P. Number 3 engine missing
S. Engine found on right wing after brief search

P. Aircraft handles funny
S. Aircraft warned to straighten up,fly right and be serious

P. Target radar hums
S. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P. Mouse in ****pit
S. Cat installed

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding something with a hammer
S. Took hammer away from midget

:) :D

[Corabar Entertainment]

I've seen these before, but they still manage to raise a good smile :D :D

[mike8863]

:) One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:

"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:

"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
:) :)