Jokes....one or two lines...

[Penfold42]

Not sure if this has been done....feel free to add link if this has.

The other day on the word association we had a few what I call one line jokes....silly but good clean honest fun....do you have any?

Here's a start -

Why do cows lie down in the rain?
To keep each udder dry!

What do you call two robbers?
A pair of knickers!

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg!

O.K then - over to you!!:D

[Corabar Steve]

:tumble:

[Penfold42]

I want to make a complaint......there seems to be someone posting using my signature......:D :D :D

I cannot remember posting the above thread.......may have something to do with consumption of alcohol.....that's my story....:rolleyes:

Did it not even raise a smile to anyone........:)

[Vectis]

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What goes '99-thud', '99-thud', '99-thud'?
Centipede with a wooden leg.

What's big, white, and if it fell on your head would kill you?
A fridge.

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.

I could go on... but I won't.

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I could go on... but I won't.

Good. :D

[Penfold42]

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What goes '99-thud', '99-thud', '99-thud'?
Centipede with a wooden leg.

What's big, white, and if it fell on your head would kill you?
A fridge.

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your fridge?
Footprints in the butter.

I could go on... but I won't.

That's it's....loverly.....:D


Good. :D

Really LMAO...and PMSL.......:D :D :D :D

[Vectis]

Oh, alright then...

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic Association.

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned
out it was a hoax...

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of
our family holidays in Customs.

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very
good at it.

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign:
"This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Courtesy J. Carr

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

I could go on... but I won't.


Good. :D


Lights are on, no-one home....:p

[Penfold42]

What's the last thing to go through a fly's brain when it hits the windscreen?
It's Arse!

[rob1963]

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because there weren't any chickens in them days! :D




How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

2. One to screw it in most of the way & one to give it a final twist at the end! :D




What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

A dyouthinkhesaurus :D

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because there weren't any chickens in them days! :D



Actually, I think you'll find there were....

[Penfold42]

Actually, I think you'll find there were....

Are you showing your age Darren?.....:D :D

[Vectis]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea...

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea....

What do you call a woman snooker player balancing three pints on her head whilst at the table?
Beatrix Potter

What do you call a man wearing two raincoats standing in a cemetery?
Max Bygraves

[Corabar Steve]

Are you showing your age Darren?.....:D :D

Must have been talking to Colin or Theo :sj:

[rob1963]

Actually, I think you'll find there were....

:eek:

Reminds me of that well-known saying:

What came first, the chicken or the dinosaur?

[PropellerHeadCase]

Actually, I think you'll find there were....

By definition, no. Bird-hipped dinosaurs, like Ornithomimus, sure, but no actual chickens. The Archaeopteryx was about the closest thing to a chicken that existed at the time of dinosaurs.

[Corabar Steve]

He's right you know

[Penfold42]

By definition, no. Bird-hipped dinosaurs, like Ornithomimus, sure, but no actual chickens. The Archaeopteryx was about the closest thing to a chicken that existed at the time of dinosaurs.

That's one big drum stick.........:rolleyes: :D

[Corabar Steve]

That's one big drum stick.........:rolleyes: :D
They weren't that much bigger than chickens

[Penfold42]

They weren't that much bigger than chickens

Your right.....but when you talk all thing pre-historic....you think big....well I do.

[Solitaire Events Ltd]

By definition, no. Bird-hipped dinosaurs, like Ornithomimus, sure, but no actual chickens. The Archaeopteryx was about the closest thing to a chicken that existed at the time of dinosaurs.

I was getting confused with this http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,2056218,00.html

[PropellerHeadCase]

Fair enough, too.