Good Gig, Bad Gig.

I was doing a surprise 40th birthday party last night in a venue just 5 minutes up the road. Everything had been sorted and planned hush hush with the guys wife without him knowing anything at all. Judging by the songs on the request sheet she'd emailed me (a mix of Indie and 90's dance) and the fact that she said a lot of people were looking forward to it, I had high hopes. I must add that the pair of them own a brewery and are well known in the village.

Upon arrival at the venue I was greeted by the lovely smell of curry coming from the venue kitchen. I hadn't eaten all day and the smell didn't help so when I was offered some later in the evening I found it difficult to resist but wheel power kept me away from it.
Access was very easy. I parked right outside the back doors and was literally in my set up area (a small stage) a few feet later.

So, I'm booked to start at 8.00pm. I arrived at 6.45pm and set up at a leisurely pace but was still finished by 7.25pm and that included some extra lighting that I took to try out (I put 2 of the colour baterns on master/slave behind me on one of the auto settings which looked pretty good and also put the X Moves on the floor by the speaker stands, again...they looked pretty good too). At 7.30pm guests start arriving and by 7.45pm the majority of the 80 invited are all milling about chatting. I am not a clock watcher, never have been and rather than stand there like a spare part, I started playing some music at LOW volume (I've given up smoking now for health reasons after seeing my doctor). I've put low in capitals for a reason by the way.

8.15pm is the planned arrival time of the birthday boy and at just after 8.00pm I tell everyone what is happening. The sound of their chatting is louder than the music so I am surprised when an elderly gentleman approaches me from the back of the room and asks me if I could turn the music down a bit because he and his elderly friends are finding it hard hearing each other. I smile politely and say "No problem" and watch him as he heads back to the back of the venue. (I don't adjust the volume because it seriously isn't that loud at all).
8.15pm on the dot and in walks the birthday boy. The Killers - When You Were Young (his favourite song) gets played and the volume increased and everyone cheers and applauds him and then again....as it is playing, out of the crowd of people comes the elderly guy again...He asks me to turn it down again because he can't hear himself :mad:speak! (charming mate, just for that....you can wait until the song is finished).

So, the 2 visits from him have given me the hump already and I am hoping he stays away from me (he does). At 8.45pm I am asked to announce that the food is ready and could everyone take to their tables.... I may as well have been talking to myself. 5 minutes later the same lady comes over again and says "Did you tell them to sit down?" I reply yes and then rather rudely she yells at me "Well tell them again!" (a please would be nice but don't worry about it).

So, I am playing music at low volume, all of the lights are on in the venue and everyone sits down and I wonder what I am doing there.
Could 'Scotty' please beam me up or could I just click my loafers together 3 times and say "there's no place like home" and get the :Censored:out of there please?

It's gone 9.30pm by the time I can get the music going properly but the lights are all still on and despite me asking twice for somebody to turn them off, I may as well have been talking to myself. 10.00pm and the birthday cake comes out. Everyone sings happy birthday and then yes....eventually...the lights go down.
I get asked for some 90's Dance tunes so I play a nice set of around 30 minutes which has everyone up and then someone comes over and says "Ok, I think we've had enough of the 90's stuff, can you bring it a bit more up to date please" (wow! I got a please off someone!) so that's what I do and the dance floor is still busy.
Then I decide to play some of the more Indie-ish requests from the list and the place is rocking. I think the alcohol has done the trick and for the first time in ages I look at the clock and it says 11.35pm...Blimey! time has flown by.

Then I start getting complimented and that's strange. The elderly guy comes back and thanks me for a great night as do some of the others that had previously given me earache. When the last song faded out, those that were left cheered and one guy shouted out "one more!"
I played Sixspence None The Richer - Kiss Me as it was the couple's first dance when they got married. As it was playing the guy who shouted out came up and said "Oi mate, chuck on some house music, they'll love it".... I laughed and said "All done now, sorry". He got the hump and wasn't happy at all but I'd played over the finish time anyway and the place was quickly emptying out.

Packed down and away in 30 minutes.

So, a game of 2 halves really. The first half, well...I just wanted to be somewhere else but the second half, I enjoyed every minute of it.

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Originally Posted by Excalibur

A policy I don't want to adopt, but I'm considering. Client had to borrow money to pay me! :eek:

Wayne, almost a polar opposite of yours. The nicest venue staff I've met in ages. Shame some of the punters weren't as amenable. I'll be down to simmer by morning I hope. :mad:

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Without fail I'm always 28 days in advance for weddings and 14 for other dos.

Of the two times in all the years I've ignored this policy, last night was one and the other I'd to send the birthday girl to the atm at midnight because her dad who's a family "friend" tried to stiff me.

Blimey, Gary, I never refuse curry. I've had some lovely ones at functions. All we had on offer were hot dogs, and I couldn't get to them easily. :(

Right, on to mine. Arrived at the venue in good time, to be greeted by the nicest most helpful manager I've met in years. He was flabbergasted when I said I didn't need a table. Wasn't a big venue, so put the powerbar on a tripod, with the Cheetahs on top, pointing down at the dancefloor. The room had a white ceiling, and pale walls, so when I pointed the cans at the ceiling, it bounced off nicely and washed the whole room. At this point, the manager came across and asked what it was, because he said none of the many bands or discos who'd been in there had anything as good. ( As I was packing up, the young lady behind the bar said the same thing, so that was nice. )

Got all set up before time, and like Gary says, started to play music. Although it was booked as a birthday, it was an engagement as well, so double celebration. I had a short playlist, with the brief to play varied music, Tamla, 69s, 80s and 90s. If possible, could I steer away from the action songs.

So far, so good. a large portion of the guests turned up on a bus, presumably so they could have a drink, and boy did they have a :beer1: I got loads of varied requests, which I fitted as best I could.
Surly guests, eh Gary? I had a woman who should have known better, who wanted what I'd have loved to play. If the function hadn't been mainly thirty year olds, and not fifty year olds. When I managed to slot in music she liked, she would say " now you're playing some real music " in an almost aggressive tone. I wouldn't mind, but with four substantial Tamla sets, a dose of sixties and party tunes, she probably got more played than anyone else, with the possible exception of the young gentleman who wanted Justin Bieber, Little Mix, Britney, Whitney, and the like. Unfortunately for him, I'd often played his requests before he asked for them, so declined to play them twice.

For the last two or three hours, I'd had a very busy dancefloor, especially for the Indie set I slipped in, and when we came to the last one, I got the mandatory " one more ". As the manager had said that 12.30 was an excellent finish time, and they'd have a lot of clearing to do, judging by the state of the room, I powered down and unplugged.

Birthday comes over and asks if I can play Danny Boy, as he's called Danny. Well if you'd asked me five minutes before I switched off, rather than five minutes after, we'd have had a fighting chance. :mad:

As mentioned elsewhere, he had to borrow fifty quid off a mate to pay me, which didn't help the mood of a DJ who'd seen what should have been a storming night soured by little things. It was a reasonably long function, and honestly, the time had flown by. But for the niggles mentioned, I'd have been on cloud nine.

Manager asked for cards at the end, and was very impressed with everything. Client and most guests were drunk, and the DJ was past caring. What a shame. :(

Last night's gig was the first outing for my new earplugs. Wow, they don't half make talking on the mic sound weird - it takes a fair bit of getting used to.

Another first was.. the first Christmas party of 2016.. or was it the last christmas party of 2015 albeit a bit late? Hmmm. Anyway, I showed up with all my gear in good time & saw tables set for around 100 people, 3 bottles of wine on every table & an envelope allegedly containing drinks tokens at every place setting. Uh oh, could turn into a bit of a messy one, I thought...

Got set up in pretty good time considering I was using the Ultimax & front screen. The manager was a bit concerned though.. would I be bringing this lot to every gig there in future? Nah, I just fancied a practice run & it's nice to get out of the bloody pulpit once in a while.. Guests started to arrive just before 7pm & they were regaled with background music. The boss of the party said he was glad the place wasn't decked out, so I stayed well away from festive tunes. There was a brief speech, where the boss managed to make my mic both crackle & feed back horribly, then a presentation where I'd previously been asked to have Star Spangled Banner ready (somebody's being made vice-president of something or other).. then a raffle.. and then a comedian came on after the meal had been cleared away. With MY microphone. He thought I was joking when I told him he'd be renting it. Hmmm. Anyway, he laid into the crowd fairly viciously.. which didn't go down too well with some of them. I'd have said his act was blue but nah.. he was only off colour and liberally peppered with swear words. Yeah, cos the C-bomb always gets them rolling in the aisles innit.. Hmmm. The pinnacle of his routine was near the end of the act when he compared his ex-wife's genitalia to a punched lasagne. Don't let that put you off your dinner eh..

Then it was my turn. Woohoo! Little Mix Black Magic bouldered them into a full dancefloor, closely followed by Uptown Funk.. closely followed by.. another raffle draw. Grrr.

THEN we got going proper. Yay... oh no, wait.. it's somebody's birthday so let's all sing Happy Birthday. Birthday boy turned out to be a bit of a pain in the bum later with his incessant requests for Beyoncé's 'Crazy In Love'. I ended up playing that TWICE.. it'd have been 6 times more had he got his way. Jees.

Went off down the beaten track but requests took things on a slightly different route. Salt N Pepa - Twist & Shout was a tune I'd not played since it was originally in the charts (have I been a DJ that long now?), so it came out closely followed by The Fat Boys & Chubby Checker - The Twist (haha, that'll show em!)...absolutely stormed it. Agadoo, Superman, Music Man, Timewarp were requested by one lady so I tested the water with The Timewarp.. which didn't go down as well as you might expect - so Black Lace stayed firmly in their crate of stink. Ended up going down a 90s alleyway for a while.. Sclub 7 - Bring It All Back (never ordinarily play that), B'witched, Five, Spice Girls.. all mushed together producing ever louder screams of (I think) joy as the next one came in.

Time marched on, lots of drinks were spilled & many people fell down slipping on the tiled floor (drinks, tiled floors.. what are some venues thinking, for Pete's sakes?)... and we ended up at last orders time. From there it was simple.. give em singalong tunes to the very end. Last tune was Livin On a Prayer (anything to shut the Bon Jovi requester up) - I just about heard a yell for "ONE MORE" as I started wrapping up but who cares. Best Christmas party night ever.

Next week sees an outing to a parochial village hall in a teeny tiny village performing for a nice lady who was at a 21st I did last year. She'll be a very spritely 70, and I will apparently be in a dinner jacket and masquerade facewear. Should be an interesting one - I've had to source some Scottish dancing music for a cunning plan of hers. Fine, so long as nobody is expecting me to do any calling.. On that I know I don't have a scooby.

Indeed. Further reports of the weekend's escapades will appear in reports of Coalville, when I get that far.

OK, so early Saturday afternoon, off I head to Washingborough, near Lincoln for a Legslappers gig. Second year running I've had one the night before Coalville, and since staying out would save over a hundred miles of driving, that was the cunning plan.

The journey began quietly, but the wind was fierce, and driving a van with a ( relatively ) light cargo was " interesting ". I filled up with fuel and meal dea; at the garage, and headed for the M62. As you get to the top of the junction, there's a slip road left, to Hull, or swing to the right, round the roundabout, and down the Leeds/Manchester slip. Obviously, one driver had been uncertain which option to take, as his car was now perched beautifully atop the Armco dividing the two lanes.:eek: The occupants of the car seemed to have matters in hand, so I left them to it.

So, I arrived at the venue, and was greeted by a splendid caretaker, who I remembered form the last time, and lovely organisers and guests for the function. What a crowd they were, and the whole thing was excellent from start to finish. We could easily have gone on another hour, but mindful of the clearing up afterwards, we finished bang on time. I got the kit into the van in record time, and plodded off to the car park of the excellent Toby Carvery to await the arrival of the other Two Musketeers on Sunday morning.

I'm going to have to get a hammock, as the front of the van isn't a comfy bed, and although I rested, I never actually really slept. I had wrapped up warm, and kept the heater full on for the last few miles, but the heat ebbed away about an hour or so before I'd have liked it to.

7.45, and the car park resembles the grid for a round of British Touring Cars, as a bunch of lads arrived. 7.50, and Shaun and Andy arrive. 7.55, and the lads decide that as the doors are unlocked, it must be opening time, so in they go. We of course follow, and we all head to the till to pay. 8.03, and a Scottish lady informs us that they haven't prepared enough food in advance to satisfy the appetites of the ravening horde that has just entered, and would we wait till they cook more? 8.07, they fling open the doors to signal that they're officially open, and leave us thre in a howling gale! :( Never mind, at 8.10, we're allowed access to the repast, and we get stuck in eagerly.

What will happen in the next gripping instalment? Well, you'll have to wait till the Coalville thread appears to find out. :)

Back in the day I often used to sleep in the van on the front seats but I havent done it for a very long time now and I dont relish the thought of doing so. A good sleeping bag which will come up over the head is an essential in winter months.

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Originally Posted by theoloyla

Back in the day I often used to sleep in the van on the front seats but I havent done it for a very long time now and I dont relish the thought of doing so. A good sleeping bag which will come up over the head is an essential in winter months.

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There is a guy I worked with in the summer who works for a Rodeo Bull company we know, he has a bed arrangement in the back of the van across the whole width of the back of the vehicle.

Looks like a big chunk of heavy plywood with a mattress and slots into place.

Seems to work :rolleyes:

I've had a nasty week. Came down with some kind of medical problem after I got back from Coalville. Tuesday at work I had bad cramping abdominal pains, Wednesday a bit better, but Wednesday night was hellish & I considered passing tonight's gig on. Had a funny feeling the symptoms were a repeat performance of something I experienced a few years back - and the cure was to drink loads of water. Weird. So, did that.. and still needed to be off work on Thursday cos I felt like cack. Improved throughout the day, saw the doc in the afternoon. he confirmed my suspicions & gave me some antibiotics.. yada yada yada.. all better in time to go back to work on Friday and start preparing for tonight's gig when I got home.

Yeah those DJs right.. they just show up, plug a couple of speakers in & hit GO on their laptop. Piece of cake!

Er not quite. First of all I had to find a fancy dress shop locally still open on a Friday afternoon to buy a masquerade mask. Then I found - or rather couldn't find my black suit trousers, so had to track down a pair of those in my size (not easy being my height, or rather lack of). Then I had to take the house apart looking for my dicky-bow tie.. gah.

Went to do some more DMX programming later on Friday found my USB DMX adapter had been fried by something. And whatever that something was it also jiggered the wireless DMX transmitter PCB. Grrr. Good job I carry spares. All that fixed, I set up some new programs so my Stairville LED PAR Bar thingy could be in on the act, mirroring what the gigabar does.

That done, I set about cleaning & testing all my other gear on Saturday...

Did some family stuff (new puppy stuff too), then it was away to Heighington Village Hall for the gig.

It wasn't a 70th. I'd been misinformed. It was an 80th - which surprises me even more because there's no way this lady is that old in a million years.

I rolled up early, and the place wasn't open. No sign of the keyholder til 5.30pm. I made use of the time by setting up my Ultimax & used it as a trolley to wheel stuff in on. All flat, only the most minor of bumps on the way in.

Now then. The venue. For a village hall, this place is a labyrinth. Two main areas - one new... and one original with the stage. Yes a stage! Woohoo! And a downstairs area behind the stage with a large dressing room and along the corridor my own toilet. Amazing. Light switches for the rooms were all over the place though, which made life tricky.

Set everything up in good time, changed into my suit & masquerade gear, gaffered the unknown trailing leads in front of the stage down, tidied my own up... then had a go taking some pics.

Guests started arriving at 7pm, and they just kept coming. There were easily more than 140 people in the place. Dancing wasn't hard to initiate & carried on all the way through until a brief break at 10pm for the cutting of the cake. No food break - there were canapes & mini burgers & lord knows what else going around on plates all night. Did any come my way? Did anybody think I might be in need of a drink perhaps? Hmmm.

I think I had a sum total of THREE requests all night, but the dancing continued unabated til midnight. I'd had a brief chat with the client on Monday & she mentioned she'd been listening to pick of t' pops last weekend where the featured year was.. 1957. She likes jive music too... (hey who doesn't?).

Bar closing time was 11.45pm and from there on in & slammed loads of singalong favourites in. Oh and Black Lace's Conga. It was too hard to resist & went down a storm. One quick round of 'Happy Birthday' then the last song.. NYNY.. then there was the inevitable encore.. I'd already been down to switch the hall lights on & some blighter switched them off again :mad:. Birthday girl was wearing a red ensemble and.. well.. there were yells for Lady In Red.. 2 seconds later it was on & I carried on breaking gear down as much as I could.

Ah and I literally lost count of the number of people who asked for cards when I was trying to pack the car. "Best disco I've ever seen". "Amazing sound" (Altos, really?) "You filled the place with light & had everybody up - excellent".

Well... the lighting rig consisted of:

1 Stairville LED Par thingy
1 Equinox Gigabar
1 Equinox Power Flower (still need to get another)
2 Equinox Ultra Scans
1 Chauvet Scorpion RGB
1 Chauvet Wash FX (behind me facing the lamé curtain)
1 mega cheap & dirty LED dome (for the front screen).

I could only bring myself to have both LED PAR systems on about 50% power for the majority of the night. The 'blinder' program I've got in my lighting programs for accentuating some parts of the music was taken notice of. The scanners got some oohs & ahhs from one or two guests.. since when do they ever notice lights?! Heh. The laser, being tamed under DMX control did a reasonable-ish facsimile of a mirrorball effort... slow moving multi-dots.. looked quite nice.

Why am I back so late? Ah well.. I was invited back to birthday lady's palatial bungalow (I'm not exaggerating) for drinks & nibbles. I showed up a little later than everybody else & was greeted with a cheer when I went through the door. Talk about blushing..

I was 10 miles out of town in what I would consider a 'tiny' hall for a 40th birthday. It was a small gathering of 45 guests and I was providing Disco and Karaoke....Arrgghh, Karaoke...I've said before, I'll only do Karaoke now if it's a deal clincher and this was. When the husband booked me in November for a booking in February and I looked at my diary and saw February was relatively quiet, I wasn't sure how to play it at first. He was well spoken and said I'd come recommended so I threw a price at him (I would have gone on to tell him I'd discount it IF he'd oooh'ed and aahhh'ed but he didn't). When he said he wanted predominantly Karaoke as his wife was in the local choir and loved Karaoke and he was willing to pay extra....well, I bit the bullet and said "No problem" as it turned out to be a very good earner, really good in fact.

So, I met them 2 weeks ago and when I turned up at their house, well...I realised that the good earner for me was more than likely a drop in the ocean to them. 2 x Bentleys on the massive drive with private number plates and the house was amazing. We chatted in their top of the range kitchen (probably bigger than my downstairs space) and I instantly clicked with them. They had some really good song requests and the pre-karaoke requests were different and not the usual run of the mill stuff.

Anyway, I turn up at the hall at around 4.30pm to set up and the husband and some of his mates are there sorting out the hall. There are 2 chefs in the kitchen doing their thing and the smells coming from it are amazing. Within 2 hours the hall was transformed into something really special and I was ready to sound check the Karaoke. One of the guys said he'd have a go and did Try A Little Tenderness and he was brilliant!
Nipped home after I'd set up and was back at the venue for 7.15pm ready for a 7.30pm start....well, when I arrived I just got the music going as there were a few guests already there (a group of very nice ladies)........and then some more very nice ladies arrived....and some more, then more and I was stood there at about 8.00pm trying to spot the guys. I think there were 10 in total and the rest were...well, I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said model material (that's not meaning to sound sexist by the way).

The majority of these ladies were all part of the local choir too (eh!!??? I need to learn how to sing...blimey, I want to join...NOW!!!) so the karaoke songs were done really well. In between the karaoke songs I played current chart requests and requests from the Birthday girls list which were 80's and 90's classics and the Spice Girls, Five, S Club 7 era type stuff. It all went down very well with lots of dancing to that and the karaoke songs. I'd say the best out of the lot was Anastacia - I'm Outta Love. It was great.

The night flowed well and the time flew by. As the wine was consumed and it got hotter in the venue, the clothes started to come off and well....there were some sights!
2 young ladies were walking around with trays of food that the chefs were cooking and the birthday girl came over and asked if I'd like some. As usual I was starving but I refused. She asked me if I liked Scotch Eggs...Well...they just happen to be one of my favourite things....She called one of the girls over and said "You have to taste one of these" and she handed me a medium sized one. It was still hot and it was amazing...a duck egg scotch egg that was drizzling yolk out (I did get a goodie bag at the end).

Birthday cake came out towards the end of the night and the husband also handed his wife a card and told her to open it. Everyone looked on and then she started jumping up and down with excitement. 2 tickets to St Lucia for 5 days leaving on Monday....Wow! Very nice.
The last hour flew by and it was then where I have to report the only negative...

Out of the 10 guys that were there, 1 decided to come over and ask me "Are you taking requests?"
Well, I'd been saying it all night but I replied "Yes, of course. What would you like?"
He said "Play some Gangsta Rap mate. They'll love it"
I picked up the paper work and showed him the list of requests I'd been given by the birthday girl and others. People were dancing and it was a great night and this guy (who thought he was some kind of 'dude') wanted Gangsta Rap. It shows just how much he knew about Gangsta Rap because when I said "Sorry, that just weren't work and they don't want any of it" - He replied with "Man, play Dizzee Rascal Bonkers and it will fill the dance floor" - The dance floor was already full with the majority of the 45 invited all dancing.
I apologised and said I couldn't play it and then he got funny with me...."Look, you're supposed to be here to do what we tell you to do" he said..."You said you take requests, I've given you a request so play it. It will fill the dance floor guaranteed"

That whole line :Censored:me off so I just said "Would you like to swap places with me? Shall I go and have a few drinks and you look after the music?"
He wasn't sure what to say and just disappeared after that. At the end of the night the husband and wife couldn't apologise enough because they were unsure about inviting him in the first place. Apparently he is a nice bloke but turns into Mr Butt hole when he's had a sherbert or two.

Last song of the night was Semisonic - Closing Time and then there was loads of applause. I got a few pecks on the cheek from the ladies and a bit of a squeeze from one stunner who was a bit more than tipsy shall we say and then that was it. Time to start packing down.
Also noticed that about an hour into the night, one of the bulbs went in a Dynamo. Will sort that later today.
The guy who booked me couldn't praise me enough and also said that I'd probably get a few calls from some of the guests. I think that lot have a bit of dosh shall we say.
Nice bunch too (apart from Mr Stripey Top rascal innit bruv).

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Originally Posted by juski

I've had a nasty week. Came down with some kind of medical problem after I got back from Coalville.

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It's called a hangover. :p:beer1::beer1:

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Originally Posted by juski

It wasn't a 70th. I'd been misinformed. It was an 80th - which surprises me even more because there's no way this lady is that old in a million years.

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Sounds like a couple of mine recently. Dunno what they're on, but I want a pint of it. :)



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Originally Posted by juski

I'd had a brief chat with the client on Monday & she mentioned she'd been listening to pick of t' pops last weekend where the featured year was.. 1957. She likes jive music too... (hey who doesn't?).

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That's a trick question, isn't it? :confused: Everybody* likes it, of course.





* Over the age of majority, naturally. :D:D