Good Gig, Bad Gig.

[Excalibur]

Well, once again, I was Long Distance, as a result of someone going South for The Winter/Love of a good woman/Job Prospects. Very early in the year, Andy Neen contacted me for a sort of a favour, as with Shaun Flatliners out of the picture, he was short one DJ for two regular NYE gigs, for important customers. Thus, in Spring, I knew for certain my NYE plans.

Yeah right. The uncertainty created by Boris and Covid meant that my Plug and Play, grand upstairs function for many people in a Ballroom became a cosy pub front bar get together, where I needed the most minimal of kit, because being a Bar, Andy couldn't leave any set up for me. No problem.

So, on the day, I set off with the van filled with diesel, and me filled with coffee. An uneventful journey saw me arrive in the town centre , and have to be guided into the car park by phone, as it was very difficult to find by sat nav. I nabbed the only available space, and started to unload and set up the kit. Andy arrived soon after, and introduced me to the folk who would be important to me. He had arranged for me to be fed, watered and housed for the duration, so no worries there. We got the gear running, and Andy said goodbye, and headed off for his gig.

Mine? Well, it was relaxed. Very relaxed. Only around a dozen who were with me all night, and a fairly regular stream of folk visiting and moving on. I got requests, Tamla, Rock, Queen, Abba , Top 40 ( soon shot that one down by pointing out that only about five tracks in the top 40 weren't Christmas records, tee hee ), and even some Swing.

Midnight loomed, and many of my guests left the room, apparently to watch some Fireworks. We saw the new year in at tables, rather than in a great heap in the middle of the floor, and switched music off at 12.30+ "one more". My guests seemed appreciative, if not overly lively, and I was packed up and in bed by 1.30am. Apparently, there was a Nightclub two doors down, and the noisy gits hadn't gone overboard on soundproofing!

I rose and showered early next morning, had a splendid full breakfast, and made my way sedately home to go out for a meal with the family. Although the whole experience was without any issues at all, I think I shall look for employment nearer home next year.

Assuming we have a Next Year, and aren't round to the Omega variant by then!

[mattydj50]

I shall look for employment nearer home next year.

Assuming we have a Next Year, and aren't round to the Omega variant by then!

I shall see what I can do.

I had an absolute breeze at my venue's New Year's Eve Gala Black Tie Ball, which I never thought likely at the start of the night. I arrived at around 3pm, in the knowledge that I had been given a room for the night at the hotel. So my plan was to unload and set up before retiring to my room for a chill out, shower and get changed for the evening. That plan fell down within the first thirty seconds, when I found the function room, though all set up and laid out, completely locked up!

So I went to the reception to check in (how long does it take two receptionists to deal with the two people in front of me) and I asked them to get someone to come up and let me in.

I went back to the function suite and hung around for a bit. I decided to check the secret secret doors (not even Peter knows about these) and I found that, with a bit of luck, one of the doors appeared to be unlocked. A quick fiddle later and I prised that door open. Once inside, I opened the main fire exit, which is the standard load in place, propped it open and carted everything. All done, around 4pm staff started arriving to finish theor jobs. I got everything installed and set up, checked it all out and, after one minor repair, that was that. I left some music playing for the staff and went off for a well earned coffee to go with the free cookie you get on check-in.

The guests were due to arrive at 7pm, but only into the grandly named "pre-Function Room". Most people will know it as "The Bar", so I knew that I didn't have to rush back. I toddled down at 6.50pm and there were four guests there. I went into the main room and fired the gear up again to triple check and all was well. Four clocks and my watch set and checked at 1900hrs. Three seconds difference between two different web sites I had found meant that I needn't worry about any guests telling me I was early or late. I could be both and still be on time!!

So at 1945, the main doors to the function room opened and the unmistakeable wail of bagpipes began. Now, as is usual there, I had no idea of that, so hastily faded my music out to gine Mr Piper is 15 minutes of fame. How he did it, I don't know, but he used all of those 15 minutes and got a standing ovation at the end. Well done mate.

As the guests started rolling in (all 174 of them) I became aware that most of them seemed to be older than me and there was a complete absence of anyone that looked under 40. Hmm, not much cause for Funky House and Trance tonight then.

Food was about to be served. A 5 course meal. Well, that's me asleep for another couple of hours then, although the official tinings had the dinner finishing at 2130. I was treated to all of the 5 courses, but passed on the champagne sorbet. The rest was delicious and thanks were due to Ella, the on duty supervisor who personally served me.

So, 2130 came and they were still eating main course. I had been playing some soft soul type music as background, but one guest had asked me for some "less banging" music! Cue Grandmaster Swing then.

Coffee was being served from 2210 and the boys and girls were busying themselves clearing tables. Historically, that's been a Health and Safety point that the venue likes to serve hot drinks and clear tables with the (low) house lights on, so I gave it another 15 minutes before my services were going to be required. Then, Ella came over and said that this was the two minute warning and her boss would turn the lights down for me to start.

Looking round the room, I thought, these people ain't going nowhere anytime soon. Before Ella had got over the other side of the room, the lights dimmed and went out altogether. Fortunately, my Wash FX wal already on lighting up the dancefloor with a slow colour fade, so the room was not plunged into total darkness.

Normally, there is a cheer when the lights go out but this time there was an audible sigh of disappointment. I decided to leave the background on for a bit longer, but went up to some 60's classics instead. My first requests of the evening whch had came during the meal was for - some dancing (not "jigging") music, Moonlight Serenade & more Glenn Miller and some Frank Sinatra. Cue Strictly music and I opened the show with a waltz. 6 couples on the dancefloor, so I kept the pace up (down) and played a few more ballroom tunes. After eight songs, only one couple remained, so they were presented with an imaginary glitter ball trophy and I cranked the pace up a bit more. I forget what -with now, might have been Motown, but it had the effect of filling the dancefloor to the brim (well, edges then).

And that's how it went on, playing classics from 60's, 70's, and 80's. I had a couple of requests for Take That and Spice Girls and only ONE person asked for some modern music, specifically, Jason Derulo. Do you know, I couldn't find any! The ubiquitous Mr Sheeran made an entrance and I decided to lead into midnight with Uptown Funk.

Now, for several years, I have made a pre-recorded set taking me from 2355, through midnight and into the New Year by three tracks. As I changed venues four years ago, and last year did not exist, I re-ran 2018, so Uptown Funk is followed by the Big Ben bongs, with a countdown from 10 over the top, culminating at midnight with the Big BONG!! Auld Lang Syne creeps in after about 20 seconds, and the room joind in in full voice. The bar is closed at 2350, allowing the staff to come in and join the festivities. This pre-recording allows me a bit of freedom, armed with the radio mic, I go and join them to see in 2022.

I visit some of the tables near me too before heading back to the desk, by which time Status Quo - Rockin' all over the Worls has come in. That's followed by Proclaimers - 500 Miles and, if I need it, Wham - I'm your man. As I had had 3 requests for Sweet Caroline, that replaced Wham, but I decided to hold back American Pie for a bit. The rest of the night is a bit of a blur butat 0100, There were still well over 100 people in the room and the dancefloor was still holding up well.

This was uniquely for this venue a 2am finish and we were all apprehensive as to whether it would get there, but we needn't have worried.

Between 0100 and closedown, I had four guests come over and thank me for a great night. 2a, came and, obviously Mr "One More" had snuck in the nack door. He was shot down in flames by Jasmin who had her finger on the main light switch, beating the end of the final song aby about 30 seconds, giving the remaining 60 or so guests no doubt that it was time to go. Two tables decided to push their luck and stay so we all just carried on packing up and hoovering around them. Opening the fire doors is usually a favourite move, but of course, it wasn't cold, so they still sat there.

My plan was to strip down and pile all the gear up by the fire exit ready for morning.

At about 0300 I said my goodnights and went up to my room. Number 428, which was at the far end of the farthest corridor. My feet objected big time and as soon as I got in the room, I kicked by shoes off and I'm sure I could see steam coming off them!!

Kettle on and an unwind, before drifting off into dreamland. I checked my alarm was set for 1020 as breakfast was being served up until 1200. A few years ago, I had sen the alarm incorrectly so never heard it. Woke at 1140 and had the shock of my live. Fearing missing breakfast that year, I was up, dressed and in the restaurant in 5 minutes. So, down for breakfast this year in good time and the buffet breakfast took a hammering, I can tell you.

But what was more pleasing was to be recognised by several guests who, without exception, complemented me on what a wonderful night they had had. This included the two coach drivers who's party (from my home town of Doncaster ironically) had ended up at the venue at short notice, as their intended location was Covid bound. Indeed, their customer's feedback to them was so good about everything that they are seriously considering making the booking for there next year.

So, a fully laden Matthew went off to load the car and head for home. A message from the good lady dictated a diversion via Tesco's which also allowed the purchase of a bunch of flowers to greet her with. Old softy, me, see.

And, so far, even with spending an evening cooped up with around 200 other people, all COVID tests have returned negative responses.

A big thank you to Peter, Excalibur for his help and support in 2021 and a big thank you too to those of you who have helped cover jobs for em at some time and also have had to put up with cancellations and postponements.

My next job, scheduled for 7 January, has been cancelled, so whatever will be will be.

Happy New Year everybody.

[Imagine]

Three parties in two days for me...all 6 & 7 year olds under my Captain Chaos persona.

My Gawd I ache! My whole body, and more importantly my ears!

I'm muzzling up at the moment because Omicron is a massive thing in this neck of the woods, and have a very fancy mask with an LED display which scrolls "Captain Chaos" across my chops. All well and good, until you realise it's fighting for space behind my lug-holes with glasses, hearing aids and my newly acquired AKG WMS45 headset (which is absolutely AWESOME I might add!)

Friday night's party was a bit of a widdle take. I do kids parties for up-to 30 kids (the games get unmanageable after that), 50 in attendance in a room waaaay to small for it. Add to this the parents had an afterparty planned (cue ex DJ rocking up at the same time as me and putting up a t-bar with a couple of Martin Mania's...I was set up a lot quicker than him....tee-hee!). Getting out at the end was a nightmare with the kids and parents that were staying for the afterparty getting well and truly in the way of de-rigging and getting out of the building

Saturday's parties - both awesome with 30-odd guests. Lots of fun, dancing, games, and the usual confusion over my "hairstyle" (it's a thing these days).

One job for next week...I really MUST shorten the action dance section premix from 18 minutes to something a bit less....I'm absolutely shattered but have many, many more of these parties to come (I'm giving out business cards faster than I can get them printed).

Maybe, just maybe....I've found a niche that I'm very good at

[Excalibur]

60th Birthday in a lovely little annex of a West Riding WMC. Looks to me as if it's a later addition to the building. 60th birthday with everything from Abba to AC DC, through Disco, Tamla, AOR, 80s, and a load of other quality stuff. Fancy dress encouraged, venue is decorated as if it's a wedding with all the trimmings, how on earth can it fail?

Well, maybe half a dozen guests wore fancy dress, out of over fifty. They arrived in dribs and dabs, the bar was elsewhere, and although at times I had a healthy dancefloor of enthusiastic guests, it just never quite fulfilled its promise. Close, but no cigar.

Birthday boy and his partner were happy, I got a ripple of applause, access to buffet, and an 11pm finish, so I'm being churlish by nitpicking.

[Excalibur]

It's a funny old world. Last weekend I had quoted for a ( A to E ) gig in my village, and didn't get it! Annoying, but turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I appear to have caught the dreaded lurgy on my trip to the West Riding the week before. Knew I should have checked my inoculation before heading in that direction.

Only good thing is that with the timing of my illness, and a weekend off, I was cleared on day eleven to head off again to ply my wares. Friday was a 30th in a Sports and Social club near Holmfirth ( yes dear readers, Last Of The Summer Wine country ) and it was a mixed bag. Lovely staff, interesting load in, due to ground conditions near the entrance used, and a somewhat bijou corner stage, complete with wall cabinets, shelving and bingo calling/quiz kit. Got in nice and early, set up in good time, guests arrived early, and proceeded to chat. And chat.

Not a huge number of guests, and eventually, we got a few dancers. Not a stellar playlist ( not when Bad Boy Chiller Crew is the most requested artist ), but we made it to the end and the event was officially declared a success.

Saturday promised more, 60th Birthday in Sheffield. I had read that the practice was to park in McDonalds, walk round to the front of the club, and open the fire doors to get in, then move your van. Turns out that's for the big function room, I was in the small one, so could park in the club car park, and stay there, yippee. Got the kit in, set off, and the place this time was packed. Long narrow room, fairly poor spatial arrangement, really. With a couple of changes, it would have worked better, except that with the way the power sockets had been installed, that wouldn't have been as handy. Ah well. Slow burner, until some guests worked out that not all DJs refuse to take requests, and often have their favourite music, and will happily play it. We had an interesting playlist featuring a fair bit of Tamla, NS, 70's Rock/Metal, little bit of mild Reggae, and other very nice stuff. Half past eleven finish, bar closed at eleven, and I was out in half an hour.

Funny part of the night was when I went up to the bar person to say goodnight, and he bade me farewell in the time honoured fashion he uses to all snotty nosed young DJ's: " Have a good and safe journey home, sonny". As the words left his mouth, he realised I must have been at least fifteen years older than him. Egg on face time, but we

Hoping for better this coming week, keep you posted.

[Nakatomi]

If a lead for a city centre gig comes my way the first thing I do is look on Google maps. Is there a car park at the venue?

I took last night's gig on to help out a mate in need & was told no need to worry they've reserved you a parking space. Really? Ok I'll take it then!

Being mindful that things are apt to change I set off good & early to leave myself 2.5 hours to get in & set up. A very wise move. I got parked in the loading bay on the main Street outside the hotel no trouble at all but on announcing my arrival at reception was informed the car park was full. Wish I'd put money on it

I managed to get my gear into the hotel lobby & drove off in Saturday afternoon Newcastle traffic to make my way to the nearest carpark. Oh there were plenty of spaces but people's parking techniques left something to be desired. I struggled yanking my laptop bag from the passenger seat & managed to rip off the volume control from my vans stereo in the process (I later found it & put it back on - no harm done).

Right! Back to the hotel I go, wheeling my bag behind me as I admired the early evening revellers in all their lack of clothing. Gawd, I miss going out in Newcastle. And DJing in Newcastle.. wah.

Back at the hotel I began the arduous task of moving gear from the lobby to the lift & from there to the function room. Only one lift was working & it was often busy. Grrr.

On getting the gear into the room I realised how unusual the room layout was. I managed to squeeze my booth in to the side of the temporary dancefloor with just about enough space to squeeze myself behind it. Speakers & light stands were carefully positioned, then staff set a table up right in front of a speaker. Oh bum I'm gonna be blasting that table aren't I? Hmm. Aha! Back to the cable box... 3 long XLR cables & 2 IEC cables later & the speaker was relocated to the other side, cabling safely tucked down by the wall & all was good.

I asked staff what time last orders was. Half past midnight?! That's only half an hour past the time I've been told. Oh no the disco always carries on til one they said. I thought well there's a first time for everything

Cake cut & first dance time came, everyone reacted well but I could tell this crowd were going to be hard to please. We had a smattering of dancers to 'classic 80s' then buffet time arrived at 9pm. I kept background music upbeat & got ready to launch into the planned 90s dance set at ten.

As if by magic Gala rammed the floor, or as near as it'd ever get... And things stayed that way for pretty much 90 minutes.

Requests from guests bar one were all for stuff I wouldn't ordinarily call party music ... Alannah Myles Black Velvet & Cher's Tramps & Thieves, then Geordie wailer Sam Fender... And finally Children of the Night. Ahhh.. so it's clublandia ye seek, is it?

The 90s dance set had gone down well but the clubland absolutely rinsed the place. When in Newcastle I guess the more reserved the music is the less well liked it turns out to be.

Midnight approached & the groom I think having realised the booking gaffe asked what time I'd like to finish. I decided to be charitable & we compromised on 12:30. Closed the night with Sheeran's perfect, followed by a reprise of the first dance.

Load out was a long drawn out painful experience. The hotel lift was still no less busy at nearly 1am but I got my gear downstairs to the lobby again in about 15 minutes. Then I had to go collect my van. Five pounds for 7.5 hours parking?! Sigh...

I then had to wait for a taxi to move to pull into the loading bay.... Ahh but the prince known as the hotel concierge helped me get my gear out of the door. What a star.

A decentish night, with a very happy customer... This DJ though, will not be taking any more city centre gigs. Says he with a central Richmond gig looming soon... Uhhh.

[Excalibur]

Or how a misunderstanding can lead to ill feeling. ( And an Old Git with egg on his face )

Firstly, Justin, I am with you 101% about city centre gigs. I now avoid them like the plague unless I know there's parking available. The tales I could tell.

OK, my gig. Wedding in a fairly local wedding venue, converted barn done really tastefully. They seem however to be struggling with licence conditions, I guess because taxis and cars have to go through the adjacent village, with resultant noise issues.

Up until 11.59, the gig had been virtually perfect, the wedding planner who was an angel to deal with, a brilliant duo to work alongside, and easy, early access. Also a crowd who were up for a party.

11.59 rolls round, I've announced it's the last song, I'm watching the tablet clock for midnight, and venue owner comes up " this has to be the last song". Well duh, I've already said that. I'm a professional, and I want to go home on time.

I say my thanks and goodbyes, and switch off laptop, unplug speakers. Owner comes up, and pointedly switches off what I think is my plug socket, and disappears without a word. Place is now in darkness, which doesn't make for easy packing up, guests can't see a thing, and are asking me why it's dark. Apparently, the owner thinks plunging the place into stygian gloom will make them all leave quickly, which is unlikely as many of them can't even see their coats and bags!

I go up to him once the lights come on, and ask him why he switched me off when I'd already done so? I take this as an affront to my professionalism. Turns out that the measures he took which I thought were aimed at me, were actually him turning the effing lights off, to get guests out!

In nearly fifty years of doing this job, that's a new one on me. Once he had informed me of my mistake, I apologised, told him how it actually slowed down guests leaving, and shook hands.

Just when you think you've seen it all, eh?

[Imagine]

Just when you think you've seen it all, eh?

Oooooh I've had that several times in this neck of the woods . Doesn't help the guests get out, certainly doesn't help ME get out quickly...but hey-ho.

I really must get back into adult stuff. Been plenty busy enough on the kids side of things but not really gigs you can write about for good or bad gigs because they're all awesome and very similar in the way they roll (I can do them with my eyes closed these days )

[Excalibur]

Another what? Flaming balloon arch, positioned about eye level in front of my setup area. And while I'm griping, who in their right mind gets the disco to set up in the lovely little alcove with a seven foot ceiling, then jams the dancefloor tight up to it? Gravity stands to the rescue, place one in front and to the side of the arch and alcove, so that you can get the lights airborne.

50th Birthday, with seemingly two age groups. Birthday girl's mates, and daughter's mates who are thirty somethings. I couldn't get a flow going, and ended up in sort of R&B/Dance territory, but not where I could get a definite theme. Oh, and lashings of Take That, the birthday girl's faves.

Guests trickled away early, and I packed up at the appointed time, birthday girl shakes me warmly by the hand, daughter wants to book me for a party too, so another one for the Win column?

[DJ Jules]

I'm back in full swing wedding land.

Last weekend saw me at a lovely converted barn that is a coveted venue for this area. Great night, lovely people, great fun.
Friday night should have seen me at another (smaller) local favourite, but I had to arrange someone else to cover thanks to the wife getting Covid and childcare also failing due to Covid.
Last night was with another lovely couple in a Castle up Gloucester way. Mixed ages, eclectic playlist and smaller numbers (plus a few guests were determined to keep their bums on seats to watch sports on their phones) so the night never really felt like it got going.
Tonight I'm in another converted barn with a very laid back couple who are giving me almost free reign on the playlist.

In the meantime, I need to go and work out why the engine shield on the van is refusing to stay on (drove down the M5 last night, practically dragging one corner on the road).

Julian