I'm not getting paid enough for this crap!
Coffee and biccies at the ready? Then I'll begin. This one's been trials and tribulations from the start. They couldn't quite grasp the concept of Echosign ( I thinki they wanted to print it, sign it, and scan it. ) and steadfastly communicated by text, rather than email. Small thing I know, but another stone in the shoe.
18th Birthday, mid June, so we're having a Christmas party. :eek: Can I get dressed up? OK, elf costume, no probs. I've worn worse. Then later, can I project a DVD for them. I'll see what I can do. Ebay comes up trumps, and I have a projector. Then can I get some inflatable guitars and saxes? Ebay again, all sorted. There's a band on as well, can I light them? Of course, I've got a Powerbar.
I know access to the place isn't good, but I'm not prepared for what I find. In forty years, I've never had one as bad, and I've stood on tables to get kit onto balconies and climbed ladders. Good job I'm ludicrously early.
Car park holds four, count 'em four vehicles. It's virtually in another postcode. Trek across the beergarden, into an unfeasibly narrow corridor with many twists and turns, leading to stairs. The room's tiny, and the band have all one end. Discos often cut back when space is limited, and high volume isn't needed. This band didn't. With the size of the backline, they only needed a couple of small tops for vocals. Not fifteen inch Wharfedale subs and tops. Hey ho.
So the DJ gets the far corner. Far away from the sockets, so extension and gaffa time. Fortunately, birthday girl's family lend a hand to get kit in, and I start to rig it all. Powerbar behind me in the corner, pointing in the band's direction, and speakers as high as possible close to me. I had a laptop solely for the projector, and the projector was sat on an Ultimax laptop shelf, which was ideal. Anyway, I get it all working, and the DVD arrives. It's a burn one. And it's blank. Can I project a christmas type piccy myself? No, I wasn't asked for that.
Family decide that we'll use the master copy of the DVD, which has apparently embarrassing soundtrack. Doesn't matter, cos the lappy isn't connected to the PA. Oh, that's alright then. Second one arrives, and works well enough.
Right, let the fun begin. First of all, we'll have a choir singing carols. Eventually it's my turn, and away I go. I've got a big playlist to work from, and a couple of events to slot in, as per running order. So, the running order changes. No probs, until I get to the amended earlier time of the first event, and nobody's ready, so I suggest we revert to the original schedule. Good idea, we'll do that.
Time for the band, they're late, and they're :Censored:ing loud!! Very very good, but loud. Imagine three guitars, and a very hard hitting drummer in your front room, and you've got it in one. 70's rock, Thin Lizzy Free, Deep Purple and the like. My sort of music, but very loud. Band finish, and time for first event. Balloons in memory of a beloved uncle. Could I say a few words, then play the special song? No problem. Throughout the evening, I'm only being given half the information. Balloons are readied, and I start. Ah. Readying the balloons is a long process, involving tying cards to helium balloons. Keep playing music, till they're ready. I do the absent friends speech, and play the special song. Everybody heads outside, to release the balloons. You might have told me, eh?
All eventually come back, and it's soon time for the band. Who are nowhere to be seen. And a right pain at handovers. Even worse at the end of their sets, I have to guess if they've finished, cos they sure as hell don't tell anyone. They kick off over fifteen minutes late, and off we go again. Like I said, they're really very good musically, they just suck in most other respects.
I'm now on till finish, and the second event is when the birthday gir's Dad will enter dressed as Santa. I get a big nod for this, and play the special song, which all comes as a big surprise to the birthday girl. Touching moment, and very nice. Back to the music, and it's three distinct areas. Xmas classics, Cheese/kids songs ( Macarena, Music Man, Hokey Cokey ) , and Rock of any flavour.
Earlier on, I'd called in reinforcements, and Justin turned up with half an hour to go. Good job, more of that later. We blow up guitars and saxes ready for the last song, I wish it could be Christmas every day. While we're handing them out, I'm told that you'll never walk alone was a favourite of the deceased uncle, so I drop the volume, and play out with that, works well.
So, to packing up. Justin hits the light switches, and we're blinded with unaccustomed light. Well no, actually nothing happens. The fuse for the lights has blown, and luckily we know where the relevant box is, it's in the manager's office. The locked Manager's office. The locked office of the Manager who isn't here. Ah well, Powerbar's going to be last out then. We derig, carry out everything except the powerbar, and return for it, armed with a torch. The band are at the far end, and not amused when we unplug. ( Secretly, I was, just a tiny bit. :) )
The van is now all loaded, so I can get home. Except I can't, because I left the internal lights on, and the battery's flat. Justin's Civic and a tow rope cure that though, the lad's a star. I'm heading home for a couple of richly deserved cans.
Like I said, I don't get paid enough for this crap.
