Good Gig, Bad Gig.

[Excalibur]

gang aft agley!

I'll give you the back story. I did the groom's 30th Birthday a couple of years ago, and when I created the disco email, he didn't get a notification. The DJ they got for his fiancee's birthday didn't match my excellence ( naturally ) and for the wedding they managed to re-establish contact with me.

The wedding reception was in a beautiful Italian restaurant ( I so nearly played Billy Joel-Scenes From An Italian Restaurant in the afternoon ) and I was down for the long haul, effectively twelve hours playing. So, I arrived early, expecting awful access, and being shoved in a corner behind a wine rack.

How wrong can you be? What a fabulous place. The main restaurant opens for breakfast early every day, and was doing a roaring trade when I arrived. I wasn't however working in there, there's an annexe which doubles as a function room, fire exit into the car park, installed sound system ( which wasn't superb ) mirror ball, wash lights and moving heads in the ceiling. Heaven.

Staff were lovely, and although I couldn't park the van near the exit, I unloaded, and before long, spaces appeared nearer, and I eventually ended up in perfect position for access. I got set up easily, and guests started to arrive. The groom's Dad introduced himself, and in conversation mentioned they'd walked down the aisle to a spot of Metal, Thunder-Love Walked In. Aha, thinks I, get it cued up ready for their arrival. Would have been perfect, if the selector switch on deck 2 hadn't been knocked, and we had silence on that side, till I spotted it. Still big brownie points from the groom though.

Afternoon kicks off, three course sit down meal, and then speeches. I had a playlist which was more of a guide, split two ways. Groom's Metal, and bride's Usual Suspects. Armed with that, I could tailor the music accordingly, and at turn round was complimented by some guests on the choices.

Guests began to trickle back after this, and I worked up to the first dance, Aerosmith- Miss a thing. ( We had a second First Dance later, Bryan Adams- Robin Hood, thought I'd heard the last of that crap, apparently not. )

Now here's where we tore up the script.

I'm assuming Mr Excalibur had a good night tonight because I never had any more than a dozen dancing at a time, but the rest could clearly be seen at the tables dancing in their seats so that was good enough for me.

Well indeed he did, but not the one he expected. Groom and his mates are Metal Heads, and I expected the night to run like his Birthday, Metalfest/Cheesefest in equal parts. Oh no. The Metal fell totally flat, and requests led me off in every possible direction. Chart, Cheese, Ska, Tamla, Northern all giving me a very healthy dancefloor ( and the undying adoration of a well lubricated Matron of Honour, who asked for a card ) but the Genre of the night was 90's Dance. Rammed the floor at times.

Weddings are long days, and true to form, guests drifted away in the last hour, we waved goodbye to a very happy B&G nearly an hour before the end, and finished the night with a dozen hardy souls left. Much applause at the end, and a happy DJ for once ( especially when he got some superb hot buffet ). Very happy Groom, many handshakes and much praise from him, and indeed the Bride. Venue staff also wanted a card, were impressed by music choice, my general demeanour, and the fact that " You're a really nice chap ".

So, packed up early, on the road before midnight, McDonalds was two hundred yards away for my coffee, and armed with info from the staff that the M1 was blocked with an accident didn't faze me unduly, as I was familiar with the old road that gets me home, having used it many times from that direction. It wasn't really much slower, just a more roundabouts and lights.

Two diverse ones in prospect next week, 50th Birthday with lots of 80's, and then Christening Sunday. That one might be " interesting ", and curious readers may wish to invest a pound to Supporters to read about it, as it may well feature tales of " Travelling Folk ". Think the Landlord and I have been seen coming there, ah well.

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

Last night's wedding was great. Literally the most multi-cultural wedding I've ever done (I counted at least 12 nationalities) and a 1am finish but I could and would have played on for hours if given the chance.

We had Afrobeat, we had ceilidh, we had a neice doing Irish dancing, all sorts plus your usual party bangers with a few very nice left of centre requests by the bride and groom.


The venue co-ordinator on the other hand - I'm genuinely struggling to think of anyone I've come across in all the years of doing this who has been such a horrible arse of a person to work with.

[Imagine]

Well I hope nobody declares war against these fair Isles in the next 24 hours because I know of 100+ of Her Majesty's finest that won't be in any fit state to answer the call to arms (or any other type of call for that matter).

A nice Sunday night wedding for two army personnel in a venue which for some reason this year, I've died in every single time. NOT TONIGHT!

I had a nine hour playlist to work from, of which probably only about 10% was actually played. Once the first dance was over and done with, requests came in aplenty, mainly for 90s trance and rave (no problemo!). Lots of smoke, lots of strobes, lots of very loud music and the poor bar staff 5 deep for most of the evening in thirsty guests!

I've never seen that in there before!

Couple of interesting ones during the evening. Apparently there's some sort of tradition where the officers serenade the bride. Being as they were still fairly sober at that point, I agreed to assist and poor bridy was sat on a chair whilst a dozen of them took to the mic to do a quick rendition of "You've lost that loving feeling".

We also re-enacted the first dance for the brides parents (a complete surprise for them I might add). In a nutshell, the DJ when they married back in the good old days didn't have Spandau's True. Well....let's make a thing of it then (not a dry eye for that one).

Home-time came round way too quickly for my liking but the assembled guests were showing more than enough signs of being slightly inebriated, and after the last song of the night (I've never ended on Outer Space by the Prodigy before....the groom's mother picked that one!), I went from being a Demi-God to words which the forum software won't let me type because sorry ladies and gents....the licensing is strict and I can't go a minute past midnight.

There was a minor altercation in the car park between a couple of the more intoxicated gentlemen which had us more than a little worried seeing the number of them there were on site. I was the only male working at closing time - I wasn't about to do the chivalrous thing and try to use diplomacy on them so we waited for that one to sort itself out.

Time for a more than well earned ice cold beer now. There's a couple of stories I'll share about this one in the subscribers forum tomorrow after I've had a little sleep

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

when I started out in agency work I used to do some sketchy boozers a stones throw from Faslane naval base - you always knew you were in for an interesting night if a ship or sub was in dock

[Benny Smyth]

Wedding on Saturday night - pretty good gig. No real tales to tell from that one other than having the night peak at about 10:30 during a rowdy naughties dance set, and they managed to exhaust themselves in the process. That, and the lady I managed to upset:

"Can you play Cha Cha Slide?"

"No chance tonight, I'm afraid!"

"Why? It'll be fun."

"Two very good reasons - the bride and groom said no and, more importantly, it's absolute "

A moment made even more brilliant when she immediately went to the groom, who pretty much parodied what I said.

Sunday, I worked with the worst photographer I have ever come across. Some of this may be petty, but he annoyed me so much that I am just going to go into detail every little thing he did wrong! I arrived on site to be greeted by a gentleman wearing a shirt that looked like it had been ironed by a breeze block. Not the drunk uncle, my friends, but my new bestie the 'tog. I had barely gotten out of the van, but he was nice enough to ensure that I was aware of his demands before I got the rear doors open - no laser for the first dance, no haze, house lights to remain on until 9pm so he can get good shots of folk dancing. I also received some amazing advice on how to introduce the cake cutting and first dance.

It had been a while since I told somebody to off within 120 seconds of meeting them.

Got setup in record time due to amazing access, and my new BFF walks into the room. "Bilmey!" says he. "You've set up for Wembley Stadium here. Where did you hire all this kit from?" Cue the eye twitch...

Started doing the background music, and I receive more advice based on the fact that nobody is dancing at ten minutes past seven on a Sunday evening. I'm staring at my phone and pretending to do some work on there, while my 15 year old nephew looks on in disbelief.

Now here's the kicker - we're getting closer to the cake cut and first dance, 'tog lifts his camera and the lens just falls off the front of it. Desperate flailing with both arms and feet to stop said lens crashing into the ground proved to be futile. It was petty, but I smiled. What they say about Karma can be true. Panic follows, which includes desperate attempts to get something working. It doesn't. Doesn't look like he's able to force or plead the lens back into the camera. After looking around in a panicked state, he spots my camera on my flightcase.

"Can I borrow that?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean that's a brand new camera that cost me two grand and on it, is a lens that cost me another grand. Next to that is another lens that cost £800, and having just watched you fail at juggling your kit, I'll pass on letting the same happen to mine."

"I need to photograph the cake cut and first dance."

"Use your backup."

Then the moment of realisation dawned on both of us, but from different perspectives - what I knew he hasn't done, and what he knew he should have done. His pleading fell on deaf ears, and only elicited a single response from me: "This sounds like a you problem." The wonderful opportunity to turn the tables and start offering unsolicited advice about being prepared for all eventualities to him passed me by as I was dumbfounded by a photographer turning up to photograph a wedding with one lens and one camera (and this isn't a 'friend of the family' job - this was somebody the B&G actually paid!).

After lots of understandable hesitation, he walked the green mile to tell the B&G the situation. The groom looked like he was about to knock seven shades out of the bloke (turns out, from what I've been told, this 'tog had been an absolute pain to deal with ever since he was paid), by which point I walk over and offer a solution - how about my nephew takes the best pics he can using my camera? He's obviously not a pro (neither am I, to be fair), and while I may take better snaps than he, I need to do my thing. This seemed to calm the situation down a hell of a lot and I made a bit of a joke of the young child carrying a camera while the cake cutting was going on, and while the dancing was happening. The guests had fun with my nephew, and it was good forcing him into a situation where he had to communicate effectively with strangers - the groom even popped £20 into his hand to say thanks, which was decent of him. To be fair, my nephew took some pretty decent shots which I've edited and sent off to the B&G this morning. They were really happy with what they received and wanted to pay a little extra for the work we put in (probably from the refund they're about to get from my bestie). I said not to worry about it, but £200 appeared in my business account about an hour later from the bride.

And breathe...

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

Unbelievable - what was he going to do if the camera malfunctioned at the start of the day?!?!?

[Benny Smyth]

Unbelievable - what was he going to do if the camera malfunctioned at the start of the day?!?!?

I once saw a 'tog use an iPad. No idea how well the pics would come from such devices, but I guess if used well enough it can be passable?

[Jim - Scotland's Party DJ]

I once saw a 'tog use an iPad. No idea how well the pics would come from such devices, but I guess if used well enough it can be passable?

Depends on how much they were paying I suppose - if you're charging anything over £500 you should be using a full frame set up and shooting in RAW imo - I could physically DJ a wedding with my mobile phone, an aux lead and an old wedge monitor I use for my electric drums, it doesn't mean I should or that it's in any way appropriate.

[rth_discos]

I once saw a 'tog use an iPad. No idea how well the pics would come from such devices, but I guess if used well enough it can be passable?

No, that's not at all acceptable.

Yes, you can create some OK images from an iPad, but there's no excuse to not use an SLR of some description.

As Jim says, once you get to the £500 mark, you'd expect the tog to be carrying around 2 x full frame cameras as standard.

Talk to togs about failures - and they've all had something go wrong in the past, but because they just swap straight over to their other camera, they don't miss anything.

[Benny Smyth]

Depends on how much they were paying I suppose - if you're charging anything over £500 you should be using a full frame set up and shooting in RAW imo - I could physically DJ a wedding with my mobile phone, an aux lead and an old wedge monitor I use for my electric drums, it doesn't mean I should or that it's in any way appropriate.

No, that's not at all acceptable.

Yes, you can create some OK images from an iPad, but there's no excuse to not use an SLR of some description.

As Jim says, once you get to the £500 mark, you'd expect the tog to be carrying around 2 x full frame cameras as standard.

Talk to togs about failures - and they've all had something go wrong in the past, but because they just swap straight over to their other camera, they don't miss anything.

Let's say that if a camera fails, then the secondary camera and the backup, would a photographer using a phone, for example, be acceptable? If they're very good at their job, they should still be able to get passable shots with that and while it would not look incredibly sexy on the day, the end result may justify it.

Same way that if our main playout failed, followed by the backup, surely using our phone via an aux cable to play music would be our pis aller?